7 Deadly Fears Explored: Inadequacy
I’m waxing philosophical tonight. Maybe it’s because of the rain that has been coming down all day; rainy days in the desert have that effect on me.
I’ve been thinking for a few days on inadequacy. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s an illusion, much like many other restrictions we place on ourselves.
Inadequacy and rejection seem to go hand in hand. One feeds the other. The more you are rejected, the lower your self-esteem and the more inadequate you feel. The more inadequate you feel, the more you seem to be rejected. It’s one big mind game and the goal to winning is outsmarting yourself.
Ah, but easier said than done.
I think half the battle is recognizing when you’re boxing yourself in with a self-defeatist attitude. I head in that direction when I have a tough graphic design project that keeps coming back to haunt me like a bad penny.
At first I face the revisions with determination. It’s okay; I can make it perfect the second time around. The client will love it.
After the third or fourth attempt at reading a client’s mind and achieving his vision, my resolve begins to wear away like chrome flaking under the jet of a power washer. Although I know my designs or my articles are well above standard, I begin to second-guess myself. The ideas are harder to come by because I’m trying too hard.
When I reach the breaking point on the F**k It scale, the client leaps up. “That’s it! Perfect! I love it!”
Go figure. Such is the Zen of Creativity.
Inadequacy is all about the standards and expectations we set for ourselves. Some of us, like me, have very high standards. We’re our worst critics. Other people don’t expect as much of us than we do of ourselves.
Free your mind and just do what comes naturally. You don’t have to be a Buddhist monk to achieve this state of creative nirvana. Here’s how you can help yourself get over feelings of inadequacy:
- Distance. When you start to feel overwhelmed, take a step back. Sometimes putting distance between you and the problem helps keep it in perspective. Let it sit and come back to it later.
- Life or Death. Most problems are really very small in the greater scheme of things. Think about it: Will it really matter 100 years from now? Probably not. Let go of perfection; it’s not a matter of life or death. That’s not to say you shouldn’t try for perfection from the start; just don’t be disappointed if you don’t achieve it the first time around.
- Now Is The Moment Of Power. Overcoming inadequacy requires you to be “in the moment”. The Hawaiian spiritual philosophy of Huna has one principle called “manawa”, which means that now is the moment of power. Everything you do in this very moment is shaping your reality for the future. When you live in the moment, the worries of the past and the future cease to exist. I know it all sounds like a bunch of hippy-tree-hugging-granola-loving BS, but it’s true.
- Flexibility. The tree that does not bend in the face of the storm breaks. The same goes for you. Trying to fight against pressure, whether it’s from an outside source or within yourself, will only break you. Allow some flexibility and roll with situations.
- Eye Of The Storm. Be the center of the hurricane, stay calm and let the storm around you blow itself out. It can’t go on forever. Even if you have to take shelter in your mental root cellar for an hour or two, do it. You’ll be better off for it.
Overcoming inadequacy takes time. Go easy on yourself. You’re not so bad – honest! You’re human; you’re allowed to make mistakes and have a few imperfections.
Just don’t beat your head against the wall over things you can’t control.
16 Responses to “7 Deadly Fears Explored: Inadequacy”
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Great advice! This post really hits home with me, Thanks..
Jim Moon
Thanks, Jim. And I don’t think I’ve seen your name here before so welcome!
The first sentence got to me. I live in Phoenix and it’s been raining for the last couple of days. I’ve been Stumbling on my computer, “stumble.com” for those who don’t know it, and I continued to read because we must be in the same area. Your right about inadequacy but I think it is all a state of mind and we should live every waking moment knowing that 99.99999% of the things we think will not affect our lives 5 months, 5 years or 50 years from now.
I learned quite a bit from the experience of watching my Dad die. He had Alzheimer’s, and going through his passing made me realize the difference between stuff that mattered and stuff that didn’t.
It taught me that who forgot to buy milk wasn’t a big deal. Being struck by a car and paralyzed from the waist down in a wheelchair for the rest of your life did. Making a mistake on a project wasn’t good, but it wasn’t the end of the Earth. The thought that my child could disappear one day reminded me what the end of Earth could feel like.
Thankfully, my daughter is with me, my legs work just fine, and I’m able to always think of a worse situation than the one I’m in now.
It gives me the power to say, “Today was just a bad day; tomorrow will be better.”
@Ginger: Howdy, neighbor! I’m right next door in Las Vegas, NV.
Alright, maybe not exactly *right* next door, but close enough. Funny what attracts people and brings them in to read.
I agree, all of this stuff is a state of mind. We get trapped in old patterns and find them difficult to let go. Who knows? All the things I feel today could be a direct result of one little word said at the wrong time, in the wrong place, by some snot-nosed bully when I was in grade school.
You do share my philosophy that half this stuff doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things.
Welcome to our site, hope you keep coming back for more!
So true Harry! Not only does inadequacy create more of the same; but think about guilt. Who really ’causes’ guilt. The person who says something and then we feel guilty, or is it our fault because we allow our selves to feel guilty. The latter; right? Guilt really is a wasted emotion, as are inadequacy, jealousy and many others. Life is damn short!
Great article and I will try to remember this the next time I feel inadequate; which is just about everyday….rofl.
“You have the right to be your own judge.” — Something I must constantly fall back on when putting my work out there. Just because someone else doesn’t like something or would do it differently, doesn’t mean that what you have done is bad. It just means other people prefer different things. And as soon as we get over the feeling of inadequacy every time someone criticizes us, we are able to take their advice better (and more accurately) in order to improve ourselves and our work. Or we have the power to say no without feeling guilty (if circumstances allow it). This is similar to what I posted on “Fear of Rejection.” I guess it’s because they are two sides of the same coin.
@Jeff: All of these fears are intertwined to a certain extent. Most of these fears feed off of other fears and perpetuate a nasty cycle. At some point you have to stop and make an effort to kill off one fear before the rest topple over like so many dominoes.
Found your blog on daily writing tips yesterday. I love reading your stuff!
This is a big one for me. No matter how much experience I have, no matter how much success I have had in my offline business, I still sometimes feel inadequate. Now that I am venturing into writing and blogging it is 10 times worse! Thanks for the advice. I am really going to remember manawa. I think I might even post it on my wall. Now is the moment of Power!
~Kat~´s last blog post…How To Get Out of Debt – Debt Free Forever
That is one of my biggest problems/hindrances with writing. I have learned not to get that anxiety when starting a project. That anxiety that say “maybe I won’t be able to do it.”
I know that I can do it. Sometimes simply saying that to yourself does wonders for your outlook on a project.
Thanks for posting about this subject.
thanks for a brilliant post. i’m not ashamed to say that i suffer these feelings in my professional life as well as personal. i think one of the most powerful messages in your post comes in four simple words:
Let go of perfection
this applies to copywriting and life…
thanks again for the post and merry christmas!
mark
Love that manawa philosophy!
Thanks James.
Joe
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