Wanted to say thanks for the very kind mention in your post! It’s much appreciated. Although, honestly it was pretty easy to give you a warm welcome having recognized your name. You’re the Air Jordan of comments, don’t you know.

I’m actually a terrible person, so it looks like I got you fooled

The whole comment moderation is a tricky one. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. The day all hell broke loose, just happened to be a day I wasn’t around, go figure.

I don’t like to babysit adults, nor do I like to get to the point where people are uncomfortable commenting. Hopefully my little reminder to be civil makes FWJ a better place.

I do want to say this. My blog isn’t a bad place, it never was. Some of the discussions are a little spirited, but honestly, it’s filled with good, helpful people. Come by and ask for help and you’ll get 100 bits of tips and advice – they’re genuinely kind and helpful people, they just get a bit passionate. I think we get a bum rap sometimes.

Dave Conrey’s last blog post..Lack of Vision and Commitment Could Kill Your Business

It seems to say to me:
1. Welcoming blogs make you feel good and encourage participation
2. Some blogs have a community which is at times not welcoming
3. Deb’s blog has great content and is cool
4. But sometimes the commentators are not cool
5. Which may scare off the new people
6. So Deb’s asked everyone to try and change
7. So let’s all think about what we are going to write, before we write it, so as not to negatively affect someone else’s blog

Seemed pretty good to me…

However, I don’t think James is being condescending at all. He’s voicing a genuine concern for Deb’s situation and “disgust” for what people will do when left alone to their own devices, one upping each other at every chance.

Dave Conrey’s last blog post..Lack of Vision and Commitment Could Kill Your Business

(Anyone else who thinks I’m a shit for posting this, please chime in because I really do want to have your feedback.)

I’ve reread the post four times today, and twice picking apart each paragraph. At no point do I see anything that I’ve written that might encourage we pity Deb. On the contrary, I clearly state that Deb’s doing just fine on her own and that she’s turned the situation around. I didn’t pat her on the head at all. I wouldn’t have done what she did and I said so – I think her way is better and commendable. Where’s the pat on the head? She didn’t need me and I know that.

But I do think that when a person is harming another – innocent – person’s chance at work, that needs to be pointed out and stopped. That’s not pity. That’s reality.

As for a monopoly on courtesy, no, I don’t have that. I’ve frequently admitted here and elsewhere that I make mistakes and goof up. I’ve admitted I have knee-jerk reactions just like the next guy and that I don’t always keep my cool. I try; but I don’t always make it. And I apologize when I screw up.

I don’t know how to run a blog better than others. I know what works for me, here. I know what works in general. But each blog is different and we’ve said recently just how different blogging communities can be – take knitters for example. They taught me a lesson, not the other way around.

But I do know people, social interaction and the way folk think. I study that and I make a point of observing and learning or trying different ways to achieve a result. I can tell you that a smile and open arms feels better than a dry comment – that’s common sense, not Jamie’s brilliance.

And I didn’t post this up about *Deb*. You seem to think that this is about *Deb* and it isn’t. It’s about people. I didn’t attack her blog or her methods or her content or her way of doing things. I attacked the bad behavior of others, because it is rude and wrong.

And if doing so puts me in a bad light? I’ll gladly accept that. Many times, no one speaks up against something they see that is wrong. “Don’t make waves.” “Just stay out of it.” “Keep quiet; it’ll pass.” “Don’t get involved.”

I don’t think that’s right. So I’d rather speak up and say that I’ve seen a bunch of people – myself included, which I openly admitted on Deb’s blog – behaving badly. If, by doing so, I’m conveying to people that I’m a troublemaker, then so be it.

So that’s my good hard look at myself. If people think I’m the bad guy for speaking up and speaking out against bullying, then I’m the bad guy.

But at least I will sleep well at night know that I’ve made the right moral choice for me.

It seems I’m in the minority here, but I would really suggest you take a hard look at how you are portraying yourself.

You come across in this post as *very* condescending, even if you did not literally say you are better than anyone else. The implication is that you have a monopoly on courtesy, and that you know how to run someone else’s blog better than that person does.

Worse, the “let’s pity the poor blogger whose mean old commenters are costing her jobs” angle is really uncalled for. And that is exactly how it comes across–pity, not empathy.

Maybe this isn’t what you intended, but if you had posted something like this about ME? I’d be livid. As it is, it’s no more my job to jump to Deb’s defense as it is your job to pity her, or to condescendingly pat her on the head. Because I’m not her, and you’re not her.

Rachel’s last blog post..Blogs (and what they?re not)