Am I The Only Alcoholic?

Written by James - 5 Comments

Over at Copyblogger, Jon Morrow wrote a great guest post on 7 warning signs you’re drunk on your own words. Apparantly, I’m a raving alcoholic. Here’s why:

1: I Think my Posts are Brilliant.

Well, for the first five minutes after I write them, that is. I tend to write like I think, and I sometimes I have these astounding ideas I think are sheer genius. Many a time I’ve smugly told Harry, “Go on, say it. I’m King.”

He snorts. “You’re King, Jamie. The best of them all.”

Somehow, it doesn’t quite sound like he means it. Back to Earth I come.

2. I Think my Posts are Hilarious

Alright, well, not always. Sometimes I think my posts are a little bit funny or somewhat amusing. Maybe they’re witty. Or a little sarcastic. Come to think of it, the times that I’ve been told I’ve written something hilarious were the times I’ve been dead serious.

Case in point: My comment about gender spoons.

3. I’m Actually Drunk (or High)

I have a glass of wine every evening just before supper (usually a Shiraz or a Merlot). Summer weather calls for beer or Breezers (they aren’t just for women.). I don’t smoke, though I probably could if I wanted to. I live in the pot capital of Canada, after all.

Impaired writing happens. I’m happy to report, I rarely publish anything I’ve written at the end of the day under the influence of alcohol. It really never makes sense.

4. My Heart Is Pounding

Coffee. A lot of it. 5am is never a time to be without caffeine, and since I face waking that hour each day, I need jet fuel to get me going. It works. I’m happy.

5. I Can’t Wait to See How People React

Oh, god, I’m so guilty of this one. I often write about something that I believe to be controversial and a risky topic to encourage discussion and conversation. I love when people get excited about a post or talk amongst themselves.

Interestingly enough, my plan always backfires. These so-called “controversial” posts generally garner little or no interest at all. I have yet to figure out why.

6. My Stomach Tightens up

Yes, I’ve had this happen. When it does, I ditch the post. If it makes me feel sick, then it isn’t something I want to write about.

7. I Hesitate before Clicking “Post”

Harry and I purposefully read each other’s work before it goes live, especially if it’s something we’ve written the same day. This is just smart – if the post offends either of us, it’s going to offend other people. If we feel strongly about something and the post reflects that, we talk about it and come to a decision together about whether to publish or trash.

Jon’s last comment was perhaps the most important one for me these days. He said, “If you’re going to drink, you’re eventually going to get drunk. Similarly, if you’re going to write, you’re eventually going to say something stupid. Nothing in the world can change it, and you might as well accept it.”

Cheers.

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