Are you Killing or Creating Comment Conversation?
Blog comment sections can be a great place to hang out, relax, discuss, share your views, learn, network and generally interact with other people. Use the comment section well, and you can enjoy great benefits. Use it poorly and you can…
… kill someone else’s business. The comments you leave may cost that blog owner new readers, new commentators or most importantly – new business.
Some blogs have a lively comment section, and it looks like discussion thrives. But sometimes, a closer look reveals disagreements that burst out of nowhere, misinterpreted comments, nit-picking, discussions that go way off topic into the realm of never-ending silliness, or a very tight-knit group of friends who know each other well – too well to let outsiders feel comfortable stepping in.
What happens then? Problems, that’s what.
Now, we’re pretty lucky here. We have a good group of readers, both in those who haven’t yet commented (come on out, guys!) and those who participate in comment section discussions (whether only sometimes or all the time). For that, we thank you.
But we’ve also had moments where our comment section totally derailed and got silly (which was perfectly fine with us) or where we had to step in and quiet things down (which was also perfectly fine). We’ve had moments where our comments on other blogs set off arguments or hurt feelings, and we’ve had to repair the damage.
In short, we’re no better than anyone else reading, so let’s get that out of the way right now.
More Effect Than Just a Comment
The point is that sometimes people forget that these situations can have long-reaching effects. It’s important to remember that every comment you leave on someone’s blog and how you behave while commenting not only reflects on you and your attitude, but on the blog owner’s success as well.
That doesn’t mean that you should restrict your comments to ones that are uber-professional or always insightful. It’s okay to lighten up, play, be witty and have some fun, because we all need to let loose every now and then.
But know when to stop. When the hilarities or the snarky tones have totally derailed the comment section into a free for all, stop participating. Get back on track. Bring the crowd back to the discussion, or combine your playful comment with a comment that addresses the post topic. Help the blog owner create a welcoming environment. Help out with a derailed comment section, too.
Jumping the Gun
Did someone make a comment you didn’t like? Instead of replying quickly, ask why they feel that way. If you realize you’ve misunderstood a comment but have already snapped off a reply, apologize immediately – and not just to the blog owner. Say you’re sorry to the person you attacked, even if the attack was mild. If you feel someone isn’t “getting it”, don’t try to force-feed your opinions and views. They have a right to theirs, so quip off something light and move on.
Stick To Your Guns
Of course, there are times when it seems worth it to pursue a point. Another commentator might truly benefit from your help to get them to see another way of thinking or operating. In these moments, the best bit of advice is “approach with caution”. Avoid a strong opinion. Be gentle, be friendly, be open-minded and willing to listen even as you try to guide the person to a new way of thinking. Clarify your position. Ask the person about their position and the reasons they feel so strongly about it.
You might even discover (surprise!) that you’re both on the same page. You were just each using different communication and didn’t understand each other.
Your Way or the Highway?
Remember, too, that your way of thinking isn’t the ultimate answer for everyone. We all tend to believe that our values and ways of working are the best, but that’s not true. They’re just best for us, and they may not be the right answer for the other person.
It’s never a case of your way or the highway, so always acknowledge that you may be wrong, that what you believe is based on your experience and that you’re viewing the situation with your personal filters. These personal filters tend to skew reality, and when we remove them for clear vision, we’re often quite surprised.
If you do notice that you’ve caused dissention in the comment section or that you might be casting a damaging light on the owner’s blog, do something about it. Don’t run off and sulk. Try to understand what’s happening, where your involvement caused disruption and then correct the situation.
What about you? Have you ever been turned off from commentating on someone’s blog because of what you see? Or have you ever left a comment and created a problem? (I’ll be the first to admit I have.) How do you feel about comment sections, flamers aside? Do you feel it’s sometimes difficult to join discussions?
50 Responses to “Are you Killing or Creating Comment Conversation?”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Go ahead. Leave a Comment!
-
Affiliate Program
-
James Is Reading…
-
Social Hookups
As Seen In…
Overheard on the Web
MwP is Powered by…
I actually find most comments sections rather tame… at least compared to the flame fests that are some online forums.
And I used to have a real problem with contributing to the problem.
The approach I use now is whenever I am replying to a topic, I find something in the conversation said by someone else to agree with. That gets things off on the right foot and also gets you more leeway to then go and disagree.
In most high rated and popular blogs, I have noticed that most people generally say something nice. Positive.
While I agree there are good posts written, there are some posts which is “common”. So sometimes, I feel people comment, just to get a “moment” of fame.
Shamelle- TheEnhanceLife´s last blog post…You Are Insane! Yes, No, May be?
I think part of it is a wider issue that relates to all kind of digital comment – forums, email as well as blog comments. The difficulty in judging tone in written discussion means that it’s easier to come across as sharp or rude, easier to be misinterpreted.
That being said, I don’t think it’s necessarily an argument for not holding strong opinions and putting them forward. There’s nothing wrong with dissension, and often it can create the most intriguing conversations. Don’t hold back in your opinions, just be very aware of how things can come across. Be aware of your tone, possibly even get someone to check over your comments to see if they might be badly misinterpreted. But I’d argue that you shouldn’t hold back in stating your opinion, even if it’s at odds with the blog writer or other commenters.
James,
I agree with Patrick.
I’ve always considered my blog to be blessed with a very active comment section. The truth is, I think it’s what separates blogs from op-ed pieces in a newspaper, and if my readers and commenters weren’t such fabulous co-authors of “our” blog, it wouldn’t be the same place.
Having said that… maybe sometimes things get tricky. Just like at a big cocktail party or an all-night talk in a dorm room. I’m a gracious host and I don’t worry about it. Maybe I worry too little. I’ve always figured we’ll come back and do it all again tomorrow.
I’ll tell you something, (ack, I wasn’t going to write this)—it’s a pain point for me. When it’s quieter, when people are tiptoeing or not stopping by at all to be sensitive to my business needs—it’s not the same blog. I don’t want to preach or lecture. I want to discuss.
Oh, yeah, let’s stay on topic most of the time. Oh, sure, it wouldn’t work for every blog. But our (mostly) intelligent, far-reaching, mental jam sessions are a point of distinction for MCE. They are as much what attracts some people to stay, as what makes others leave. I’m not afraid of that. Being all things to all people is milquetoast.
It ain’t perfect. But it’s mine and I love it, and when it’s not there, all’s not right with the world.
How’s that for only half-agreeing with you?
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
Mmmm, yes. I’ve been following the comments on an mom blog (no names) where someone posted a nasty comment about someone else’s product. Very nasty and uncalled for. It’s ended in a huge slinging match, flaming on a couple of blogs, and looking very unprofessional for all concerned.
One thing I’ve noticed with comments, as with all written communication, is that it’s so easy to misunderstand. Because the emotion doesn’t come through as it does with voice, what seems a joke to the writer is often insulting to the reader. Very easy to do, very hard to fix.
And Kelly, I read your blog! just haven’t commented lately. Will do, I promise, love your work!
Melinda´s last blog post…Marketing Funnel – Two Case Studies
*ahem* Well, thanks, Melinda. You know, I like to take over and make things all about me, just to keep James in check.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
It all goes back to treating others as you’d like yourself to be treated. I can never understand (well, okay, I understand it, but don’t approve of it) when people get person with the name calling/etc. on blogs or discussion sites. Everything gets indexed by Google and everything is etched into the fossil record of the Internet.
Remembering that is a Good Thing.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog post…Marketing Funnel – Two Case Studies
I love a lively comment section, but keeping it on topic and friendly is definitely the way to go. Your online persona is not only your blog but your comments, too. Who wants to waste their valuable time getting into it in the comment section.
Not me.
LisaNewton´s last blog post…Fight Women’s Cancer at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum Tomorrow
@ Lisa – Heh, a lot of people, apparently. Here’s what I see: women tend to get nasty and snarky, and men tend to get stubborn and righteous. Different styles, but they both come off wrecking the discussion for everyone.
Yes, I’ve done it myself. Oy.
@ Barbara – Oh, yeah, but I’m not even talking name calling. I’m talking a discussion that moves to a debate (which is fine) that suddenly moves to an argument. That can be just as nasty.
@ Kelly – Hey, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it, no?
@ Melinda – Did any of the flame flingers apologize to the blog owner for taking the blog down with them in their fight? That’s what I hate – forgetting that it hurts the owner more than anything.
@ Kelly – Tip-toeing isn’t fun at all. Heavy moderation isn’t fun either. But when commentators can’t tell the difference between discussion and flat out rude, there’s a problem. The blog owner, unfortunately, has to step in and do something… but even more, I think the commentators need to take responsibility for their actions and do something to help fix the situation.
I hear you, though. It’s a tough one!
@ Robin – For sure, put forth your opinions. I’m all for that. What makes it a bad scene is when you put forth your opinions, believe they’re the only ones and the right ones for all, and then refuse to hear the other person’s side. That’s a lack of maturity and open-mindedness right there. Yuck.
@ Shamelle – Ah, the elusive five minutes… yes, yes!
@ Patrick – I’m very happy to see you contributing here in the past two days! Commenting isn’t hard – and it’s fun!
James Chartrand – Men with Pens´s last blog post…Are you Killing or Creating Comment Conversation?
James, no. The comments on the original blog ended up ALL being deleted. But there’s a few other blogs with whole posts about it and comments. None of it seems to bear any relation to the original discussion anymore, it’s all over who said what and whose side you’re on.
There’s a reason I have more male friends than female, the girls are all really bitchy! Oh, you already said that….
Melinda´s last blog post…Marketing Funnel – Two Case Studies
I often have to remind myself that my audience is geeks and that geeks are VERY PICKY PEOPLE. Gosh darn wonderful people (most of ‘em!) but savior on a saltine, are they picky!
Every time I post a poll, I get somebody saying “Y’know, you forgot ____.” (This happens to every geek blogger I know.)
The Geek Love posts don’t get many comments, but seriously, what guy is going to step up and comment on a post about how to get a date? It’s like admitting their weaknesses. I’ll get emails and DMs with questions rather than comments.
Sometimes I hit a nerve and people get their tighywhities all up in a bunch about things. Most of the time I’m able to put out the fires in the comments. Only once have I had to block someone (gosh, was he a jerk!).
GDG has a core of regulars who comment. I try to post random poll & comment fest posts to reel in new people. People generally feel safe giving little snippets of their opinion. Even if it is “You forgot ______ in your poll.”
*sigh* These are my boys.
Geek’s Dream Girl´s last blog post…30% Off All Online Dating Help This Weekend Only!
GDG wrote: “The Geek Love posts don’t get many comments, but seriously, what guy is going to step up and comment on a post about how to get a date? It’s like admitting their weaknesses. I’ll get emails and DMs with questions rather than comments.
”
I’d come and do it… it’s just my name is tied to my online professional image and Google searches could get embarrassing… perhaps I could use an alias?
Hmm sorry for the double comment, but speaking of comments – what is the code to quote someone properly?
I agree with Melinda’s comment about choosing words very carefully because you don’t have your intonation and body language to add nuance to communication.
My new blog is about my specialty of freelance writing, and it so far has had only a couple of comments.
However, I also have a hiking blog focused on Northern California. There I’ve had a few long threads that got very contentious when I blogged about two controversial issues: off-highway vehicles in the backcountry and the stocking of non-native fish in mountain lakes.
John Soares´s last blog post…How Writing College Textbook Supplements Helps Your Writing Career – and Could Get You a Job with a Textbook Publisher
GDG:
Thank goodness that never happens at my blog.
Patrick,
It looks like this:
But without the spaces, of course.
Later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
Oops that didn’t work. Computer’s too smart for me. James, can you fix that?
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
I try to respect the tone of the site. For example, here at MenWithPens, regardless of the post topic, it’s okay to take pot shots at James. Expected even! At the Deep Friar, it’s cynicism all the way. Somewhere else, it might be more philosophical in nature. Basically, pay attention, and when in Rome do as the Romans.
Urban Panther´s last blog post…Old fool
I’ve only had things spiral out of control once. It was with a guest poster who I handed the comments to for a day. BIG MISTAKE. At the time I was rocking about 50 comments per post, but this one blew up to about three times that. Not in a good way. Venomous name calling ensued. It was a whole lotta terrible. I did learn a lot though, and it shifted the way I ended up doing a few things. I wrote a follow up post about it where I basically said our blogs are either our homes or our storefronts. Either way they must be shown respect. If you cannot follow the most basic rules of common courtesy, you shouldn’t knock on the door.
Writer Dad´s last blog post…Serial and Milk: Available Darkness – Chapter 3
My big mouth has gotten me into a two skirmishes where I’ve had to apologize and hope to heal the rift. I think I’ve learned my lesson, but I still express my opinion.
Also, I was attacked by a blogger in his own comments, which was quite a shock, especially since the accusation was baseless. I tried to get him to take it to email, to protect his reputation as well as my own, but that failed, so I just left. I’ve noticed that many bloggers seem to think a disagreement with their statements is an attack on them personally, or that blog comments are or should completely positive.
Dot´s last blog post…
Dot,
I love well-reasoned disagreements. Heaven deliver me from Yes men and tepid “positive” comments. Those kind of blogs are ones I read in my email and never click through to.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
I guess I’m one of those who tries to stay in the middle, but that usually means my comments are of the bland, Milquetoast “great post!” variety that I know (I know this, really I do) add nothing to the conversation. Honestly, once a comments section starts to get nasty-contentious (or in-crowd silly), I quit reading comments on that post.
I sense that once again, I have added nothing to the comments section…
Catherine Cantieri, Sorted´s last blog post…Amazing Web Productivity Tools: LinkedIn
@Writer Dad
Heh heh. I remember that train wreck comment thread! It had nothing to do with you. But someone had a major tantrum, started calling names, throwing things around.
And then they picked up all their toys and went home, and we never heard from them again.
I must admit, it made for some mighty fine entertainment.
(Though I’d hate to have been caught in the middle of it!)
It took me some years to come to understand the difference between debate and discussion, and now I favor the latter.
In my personal definitions, debate is about taking sides and the need to win the argument. In contrast, discussion is about speaking up but also listening.
I think you can still have strong opinions when it comes to discussion and, like Robin Cannon, I believe dissension is healthy. However, being willing to genuinely listen also implies you’re open to new ideas and the possibility of changing your opinions or modifying them. And oh yeah, expressing your opinions with respect and professionalism goes a long way to stimulating others to listen to you in return.
One bloggy observation though. It seems that blogs whose authors take snarky tones tend to attract many more snarky commenters than do those blogs whose authors that take more respectful tones (even if they are expressing strong opinions). Like attracts like.
Kathy Herrmann´s last blog post…6 tips to protect your Intellectual Property
The comment section is more often than not as good or better than the post itself. Of course, we need the blog author to get things rolling and to stay on track and the Pen Men crew are very good at doing that.
I like Kelly’s comment – ” … and if my readers and commenters weren’t such fabulous co-authors of “our†blog, … ” It’s a team experience.
Also I enjoy the James – Kelly banter. It’s no wonder I rarely read newspapers anymore.
I’ll raise my hand and admit to being the person who’s often too shy to comment, especially in an established blog like this one where it seems like all the commenters know each other, or at least all the early ones do.
But I also really try not to comment unless I have something to say, and I try to always put some positive or useful discussion in. Even if I secretly just want to mock their misuse of dashes or something. (No, I don’t mean you. You have very little dash abuse here at MwP!)
Amy Crook´s last blog post…Are You Making It Too Hard to Give You Money?
@ Mark – It’s because she’s so fond of me but won’t admit it
I agree with you, though. I love it when a blog owner gets into the comment section and participates. I feel spoken with instead of spoken to – wish more bloggers did just that!
@ Kathy – Everything you said. I think there’s a difference between discussion, debate and flat out conflict/argument, though.
To me (and this is probably from Canadian culture), debate means presenting different sides on one topic. Someone is pro, someone is con. They address the points that make them pro or con, and that’s that. It’s friendly, it’s quiet, it’s polite, and it’s just looking at two sides of a coin.
But conflict or argument means taking a stance and defending it come hell or high water while refuting every argument the other person says. THAT can be highly uncomfortable, even when done amongst people being uber polite.
@ Writer Dad/Friar – I remember the time Writer Dad blogged about the kid graffiting the sign and how he’d gone to tell him to stop. Man. That got real nasty, real fast. But everyone needs to go through that once – builds character!
@ Catherine – Every person always has something to say or add to the discussion. You are unique, with your own personal views and experiences, and that’s worth sharing. There is not one person on this world that has nothing to say, in my eyes, so c’mon – don’t subscribe to that camp.
And look! You came! You commented! That’s great!
@ Dot – Being attacked by a blogger is bad – being left to your own devices while being attacked without the blogger’s support is just as bad. There are ways for everyone to tone down situations without making them worse, and appreciating the commentators you have is one of them.
And you’re right. Way, way too many people are egocentric, thinking a comment is personal. Then again, way, way too many comments are just that.
Not here, thank goodness!
@ Urban Panther – Wait- what?! You’re back again? Encouraging pot shots at James?!? Who let you in?
Ah, but it’s true. I love it. Only on Sundays, though. And only when the shots are made with fondness.
@ Kelly – Blockquotes are made using the <> with “blockquote” to open and “/blockquote” to end.
@ Geek’s Girl – Ooh. Yes, well, if you DID miss something… they’d be right
@ John – It’s funny, eh? You never know what’ll set a crowd off. I’ve written some real hot stuff and braced for war… nothing. Then I write something innocent (I feel) and everyone’s all, “You idiot, James!”
Only on Sundays…
@ Amy – I am in love with hyphens. Look! Go read! Hypens! They add a dash of – how shall we say it – pause with flow, hm?
As for all of us knowing each other… Well, I’d say I know maybe 25% of my readers and only half my comment section personally. We all start like this, though. Just one comment, one reply… and the next day one more, then another reply… and the next thing you know, I’ll be on Twitter and say…
“AMY! HOY! Hey! What are you doing here??! Hang on, hang on, let me follow! Oh, I’m so jazzed…”
Voila!
James,
Ah, le choix! Someone always gets hurt when one Man With Pen is the favorite. I have to be like the Swiss, and love everyone equally.
Re: blockquotes… I tried to put in spaces to demonstrate that, and the computer was too smart and took my spaces out. Who knew?
I am off-topic on a post about commenting in a useful, on-topic manner. I shall run away now.
Later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Forget What You’ve Been Told: How Important IS Plain Ol’ Luck?
I went and called someone a narrow minded dickhead on my blog awhile ago. I figured he basically deserved it but it didn’t give me the right to be a pig about it. I felt bad and I apologized. I think that when it comes to the blog owners, some of them have the mentality that “It’s my blog, I can say what I want” but there’s always a better way to handle a situation than stooping to name calling.
Cassie – MamasOnTheWeb´s last blog post…5 Ways to Smarten Up a Boring WordPress Theme
Well, this is a difficult post to comment… Do I want to look like the very person in trouble?
@Kelly,
Honestly, I haven’t read your blog a long time, but I always read your comments here. It’s so funny when you talk about James.
Akemi – Yes to Me´s last blog post…Creating The New World, Part 3 Truth
Artist raises head from sketches for just a sec, nods… Contribute significantly. Add value.
James, did you eat the last croissant? Puts pencil behind her ear to go see if he has any juice in the fridge…
I mean would you barge into a party and make anyone feel uncomfortable? Well, yeah, maybe some would, but really. It’s a work in motion already, it has a tone and a rhythm. Like a party or a meet up at a cafe, show respect, but join in. Try some new nibbles or say hi to someone new. Listen a bit. And if you disagree, fine, do it with respect and a little sparkle for the “discussion”.
Topics are guidelines yes, but most hosts intentionally leave some wiggle room.. . and sometimes that’s where the fun is.
Janice Cartier´s last blog post…Playing At The Edges
“No, there’s one left – I knew you’d want one,” he mentions, watching carefully from the corner of his eye.
Then he grabs the paintbrush and artistically styles devil’s horns and a moustache on the canvas.
This is an upside-down view, but I find most commenters (commentators?) are agreeable, which makes the validly disagreeing reluctant, and you might not always get representative feedback.
Kaushik´s last blog post…Are you unemployed – Lost your job? – Worried about your job? Laid off? Not finding a job? Do you have anxiety about the financial crisis?
“You are such a darling , James. ”
She helps herself to the warm buttered bread and closes the fridge door with her hip…. opens the juice and drinks.
“I mean… isn’t it the same as what you would want in person?”, the artist queries making her way back to her spot by the window.
She turns, eyes open wide, “WTF is this on my canvas?”
She smiles, hm, kind of has a nice fauvist quality to it, Canadian fauve…she nibbles a bit more croissant.
Yes, it stays, now if this were Saturday.. hm.. perhaps he needs a Glock. She tilts her head again…something to go with that lovely bullet…
Janice Cartier´s last blog post…Playing At The Edges
Great post. You are right about the benefits that thoughtful comments can bring. We should all view comments as part of our “permanent records” and care about the content within them. I have contacted people who commented on my blog and asked them to guest post. I’ve also used comments in posts providing additional exposure for the poster. I try to make sure I have at least 45 minutes when I hit my RSS reader because I enjoy posting comments and being part of the conversations. BUT I only do it when I have something of value to offer, a burning question or something that I want to share. I was recently asked to write on a specific topic for the American Society of Business Publication Editors based on a comment I posted that someone found insightful. That’s just one example. This is an area to covet because there are opportunities. You never know how your words will affect someone else and what you might get out of it.
One more thing. This is my mantra and topic of one of my recent blog posts. “Communicate like the whole world is watching.”
On some level, it is.
Angela Connor´s last blog post…How to engage and market to tweens and teens
Hi James,
I like the posts and comments here. They’ve all a nice and funny side to life. I like the way everyone here unwind through comments. If not for Kelly’s, Melinda’s and Urban Panther’s and especially YOUR comments, the whole fun will be lost in this blog.
I was damn scared to comment here earlier, as I’s a pretty newcomer. I found all the readers are known to eachother and its a closely knit community. I found you all with a big heart. Then, I started commenting, albeit with lot of trepidation, of course!
I admit what someone commented above, the author sets the tone for the comments here. I feel I’m so lucky to be with you all.
I’ve great respect for James – who is the best host. I’m so thrilled to read all the posts and comments here.
Thanks for the reminder to be responsible while commenting as it would reflect our attitude and the success of the blog. I try to be extra cautious from now!
Thanks
Solomon´s last blog post…How to unshackle your writing muse?
It is all too easy to take it too far – I know, because you and I have had a couple of heated chats in the past, James – and I also know that if we were sitting around a fire with a beer, it wouldn’t have gotten out of hand.
The other thing is, it hasn’t happened at your blog or my blog, it’s been at other blogs, which is a shame.
It made me think, a few weeks back.
I guess I was just reflecting on myself and I decided then and there to spend more time doing effective things, that would either move me closer to my goals, or make a contribution to whatever conversation was going on.
Brett Legree´s last blog post…genetics.
“There’s a reason I have more male friends than female, the girls are all really bitchy! Oh, you already said that….”
That reminds me of my time in corporate land…several women were far superior in corporate back-biting than any guy imaginable. Makes me very happy I’m out of that environment.
Back to the topic at hand – a blog is like someone’s home. The home-owner invites people in and expects courtesy from all who visit. Anyone who starts the jerk mode should simply be shown the door (and deleted).
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog post…Make money with Swine Flu
@ Barbara – Funnily enough, almost every woman I know says she prefers men friends to women friends. That’s… well, who’s friends with the women?
@ Solomon – We’ve been fighting the perception of tight-knit group since day one, oddly enough. We’re close to our friends, sure, and our commentators tend to get to know each other, but the whole gang is SUPER welcoming like nothing I’ve ever seen. Heck, I’ve had days where I can’t be around and the comment crew takes over my job of making everyone feel at home – which is so funny.
Besides, we all started as unknowns, right? So yes! Come comment often and join the gang. You can help me pick on Panther and Janice and Kelly
@ Angela – Ha, exactly – my post on Freelance Switch this week mirrors that. You’re *always* in the public eye online – even amongst friends. Which is cool, because you can find opportunities in all sorts of places.
@ Janice – “Why are you looking at me like that?” She was eyeing him with that funny look again, the one that made him feel nervous, like his collar might be too tight or his fly down. “What? Oh, that?” He waved a negligent hand at the canvas. “That wasn’t you?” He peered closely at the devil’s horns. “Could’ve sworn it was… Hey. Who’s face is this anyways?”
@ Brett – It wouldn’t happen over beers (and I know you’re right on that). I think it’s trusting that who we each feel we’d be over beers is the same person that we’re commenting with online. And playing nice. And cleaning up our own messes with each other instead of relying on the blog owners to do it for us.
Even though they do it so well
“What about you? Have you ever been turned off from commentating on someone’s blog because of what you see? Or have you ever left a comment and created a problem? (I’ll be the first to admit I have.)
you are funny
wangjel´s last blog post…fear of ourself and we call it marketing?
What’s scary is that now we have services like backtype.com. A potential client can just type in the email address or web address and all the comments you’ve made come up.
Of course, I landed a gig by referring the client to my backtype account
Samar´s last blog post…6 Occupational health hazards of freelancing
I find commenting very tricky. I’m very much a one-on-one or one-to-many type so many-to-many situations tire and overwhelm me.
And I think that comes through in my blog where I get fewer comments than on other blogs. I used to worry about it, but now I realize that each blog has its own flavour and lots of or a lack of comments doesn’t say anything about the quality of the blog (for example there are sites with lots of comments that I just don’t get in any way or form, and some that I read and love to pieces but never contribute a comment to).
I think the good side of few comments includes the lack of flaming and nastiness.
As for leaving comments, I usually respond to the blog not to the other comments because the latter is part of the many-to-many thing that I find tiring, whereas responding to the blog post itself is a part of the one-to-one thing that energizes me.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s last blog post…The Origins of Someday Syndrome
I have a comment policy clearly stating what is and what isn’t acceptable. I’m pretty easy going unless commentators spam or attack someone. What bugs me is when I delete a comment because it was rude or vulgar and I receive cries of “censorship!” Um…I’m not the government?
I think many folks want to disagree but lack the skills required to do so intelligently so they result to snark (and yes, many women are worse than men. There. I admit it.), name calling and personal attack.
For the record, I love a spirited discussion, it’s rudeness I can’t tolerate.
Deb Ng´s last blog post…What Do You Want to Discuss Most About Freelance Writing?
the artist smiles…that look gets him every time…;-)
Janice Cartier´s last blog post…Playing At The Edges
@James,
Exactly – it is important to remember that the person on the other end was probably smiling when he or she wrote a comment, you can’t see the sly grin behind the words, but if you pretend it is there, everything goes a lot better.
(sly grin)
Brett Legree´s last blog post…genetics.
Good article. I never considered the effects of posting comments. You bring up some good points. Nice article.
Omar´s last blog post…Devil must live!
Commenting is a tricky affair. You can’t tell grown men and women what to say unless you are spoiling for a fight. For me commenting on the spur of the moment has at times resulted in remarks that I was not entirely happy with the following day. Now, like Deb, I have a comment policy and I stay pretty on the positive side…otherwise I ‘d rather keep mum, it’s not an offense!
Some entertainment once in a while is too tempting though.
Well done. I think that in the online world many people forget to use the same sort of courtesy that they would in person.
And as someone else said without verbal clues it is much easier to misunderstand comments made by another. Sometimes no offense was meant, but due to the challenges presented by this format it was taken.
Jack´s last blog post…Bloggers Are Arrogant- The Genesis of a Blog
I think some nasty commenting is due to the famous anonymity of the internet.
Which is why I think having personal photos as gravatars can help.
Of course, some privacy is still good… which is why you now get a picture of me in sunglasses.