How to Create Change: Don’t Help People

How to Create Change: Don't Help People

Ever realize some people don’t want your help?

It’s true. Some people don’t want to solve their problems, no matter how easy, fast, cheap or effective the solution might be. You might have the perfect advice for them but… No. They won’t take it. In fact, those people are kind of comfy in their misery.


You know the type, those people who sigh that if they just had more money, more time, more support, or more skills, more this, more that… THEN they’d be able to achieve their goal. They say that if they had that missing thing they needed, they’d succeed.

It’s not always true, though. You could give these people everything. The opportunity they’ve been waiting for. The chance at success. Just hand it to them as a gift, out of the goodness of your heart. “Here you go. Enjoy.”

A very tiny, small minority would seize it and rock it out completely.

But a very large percentage wouldn’t. They’d enjoy it for a short while – “Gee thanks!” – but then… well, nothing happens. Maybe they tinker around, give it a half-hearted effort…and then they’d go back to status quo, settling into the old, familiar patterns of wishing and accomplishing nothing.

Some people are happy where they are. They’re holding themselves back, yes. And truthfully, we all hold ourselves back in one way or another. I do it, you do it too. Self-sabotage and preventing ourselves from moving forward serves a purpose.

It keeps us safe, away from risk, far from fear that we might have to face until we decide it’s time to do something about this sorry state we’re in.

It’s only then that we decide to do something – and actually do it.

So here’s what I suggest this year, especially if you’re the type that likes to see people succeed and overcome their issues: Don’t help them.

I know. This flies in the face of current opinion. We’re told to be helpful. Kind. Generous. To give of ourselves freely. And that’s nice and all (and I try to be helpful and generous too), but I’d go so far as to say giving help away freely doesn’t help anyone at all.

Unless the people you’re helping came to you, determined to work with you, ready to action all your advice and prepared to do what it takes to create permanent change in their life.

Think of it this way:

When you stop helping people, you are helping them. You’re allowing them to learn what they need to learn and grow as they need to grow and take all the hard knocks until they get so fed up that they’re primed to make a change. That’s when they realize and acknowledge that they control their success. That no miracle will fall in their lap.

The only person who can help them is themselves.

And you? While you step back and stop helping others, you help yourself too. You get to save your energy instead of wasting it. Spare your advice for those who use it. Spend your time with people excited about reaching their goals and achieving more in their life.

You also learn a very important lesson:

Your help is valuable.

When you stop helping people who don’t really want it and start helping those who’ve specifically sought you out, intentionally and with purpose, then great things happen. Those people are far more likely to pay attention to your advice. They’ll action your ideas. They’ll do the work you ask them to. They’ll put in the effort and do what it takes to create change in their life.

They won’t waste your time, because they know your help is valuable. And when we believe something is valuable, we take good care of it.

Think of the change that could bring to your life. You’d always be working with jazzed, excited, motivated people. You’d suggest an idea and they’d be racing off to try it out. You’d hear about great results and amazing goals and it’d be smiles all around.

So stop trying so hard to help people. If you want to help people change for the better… wait until they’re ready to change. Wait until they come to you, until they sit down with determined, fierce steel in their eyes and wait until they growl, “I want this. Help me.”

Doesn’t that sound way better than the people who say, “Yeah, I know, but…”

But nothing. Your time, your advice, your expertise, your help, your generosity, your kindness… these things are precious. They’re worth protecting. And they’re worth sharing with people who value them just as much as you do – people who have the ability to move forth to accomplish amazing goals.

The others? Don’t worry, you’re not being cruel – they’ll come to you… when they’re good and ready for change.

If you're good and ready for change, then seize your opportunity. Sign up for a consultation today, and make the decision to finally get the damned smart advice, the business action tips, and the income-generation strategies you need.

Post by James Chartrand

James Chartrand is an expert copywriter and the owner of Men with Pens and Damn Fine Words, the game-changing writing course for business owners. She loves the color blue, her kids, Nike sneakers and ice skating.