Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: Your Writing Cure

After leaping out the windows and running to safety during last week’s hit, the boys had sat in the getaway car for a long time.

Harry was disappointed. No SCUBA diving. James was disappointed too – no resort luxury vacation. So they’d waited until the timing was right, paid off one of the locals and had him sneak back into the hotel to grab the SCUBA gear.

They’d plunked down a small fortune for a three-hour dive by the reefs. Their faces looked relaxed and happy as they headed out – and that’s when the squall had hit.

His head hurt. His body ached. His mouth was dry. And the last thing Harry remembered was getting tossed off boat in the violent, sudden storm.

He sat up, holding his head. “James?” Wet sand shifted beneath his hands, the surf lapping at his feet as Harry tried to focus his sight against the glare of tropical sun off the water. “Where are we? James?”

There was nothing. Nothing but ocean.

“JAMES!” Harry’s voice rang out over the strand of beach that stretched empty in either direction.

“Over here!”

A flood of relief washed over Harry and he raced up the beach towards the tree line. There stood a bedraggled James standing with an empty bottle in one hand and a note in the other.

“Help.” James held out the desolate note with one word written on it. “Looks like this guy could use it.”

Today’s hit is for Your Writing Cure, the blog of Stephen Palmer. Here’s what the site looked like when we drove by:

Help was right. Where were they? A huge sign proclaimed they’d found the Amazing Cure Found For Crippling Disease.

“What is this place?” Harry took the note and glanced at the sign. Crippling disease? He felt a sliver of worry creep in and he glanced around the island. “Sounds like some island for a religious cult.” Just beyond the trunks of palm trees was a small compound of ramshackle thatch-roofed huts.

Not a soul was in sight. The inhabitants must have abandoned the place a while ago.

Abandoned is the impression we get from this site. The overall theme seems desolate and lost, which isn’t particularly what you want to convey when you’re looking to be hired.

Overall the color scheme isn’t bad. Blue, gold and black look nice together, but that’s about where the niceness ends. The color shades don’t blend well, and they’re all in large contrasting blocks. The theme layout itself looks blocky too, and it’s narrow on a screen.

The banner image is far too large and imposing, and it takes up way too much real estate on the screen. If you want to continue using that image, make it smaller so that it enhances the site instead of overpowering it. Put the title in the banner and add a tagline so that visitors know exactly what this site is about.

The site mentions the crippling effects of poor design, but the amateurish design of this site isn’t doing much to make people want to delve deeper into the service section.

And what exactly are the services being offered? If it’s for design, then there’s a contradictory message going on. A line in the copy reads, “No matter how important your message is, without the right presentation, it will drown irrelevant in a sea of competing information.”

Presentation is definitely lacking, and if the site is to sell content writing services, then it’s important to practice what you preach.

“I don’t like this place.” James still stood with the empty bottle in his hand, looking around. It felt creepy and slightly ominous, especially with the sign about crippling disease. “Why would anyone come here? Are people really drawn to this place?”

“If they are, it doesn’t look like they’re leaving anytime soon.” Harry shaded his eyes and looked out at the expanse of ocean. It was never-ending, a lost island cast away and forgotten from the world.

People certainly won’t be able to find you well, at least not through organic searches. The SEO meta keywords are nothing but a bunch of general ones. Considering the competition out there for keywords like “freelance writing”, chances are that this site won’t be found easily. Have long-tailed keyword phrases that really hone in on keywords that are more specific and niche.

Also, rewrite your meta description to be a nice text instead of more keywords. That meta description is what people see on a search return, and it’s the text displayed below your URL link. If it isn’t appealing to a human reader, then no one will click through. Use benefit-rich copy and a text that makes sense to draw people in.

“At least there’s a clear path.” Harry pointed to the trail that led from the beach into the landscape of the island. “We’ll be able to get around easily.” He could even spot a small sign further down that told them where they were.

Navigation is fine. The top line clearly conveys every page of the site, and there isn’t any confusion at all about what we’ll get if we click through.

But there is a problem: two sets of navigation. There’s an additional navigation bar beneath the banner that really doesn’t need to be there. Eliminate one of the navigation bars, and by preference, we’d suggest putting navigation below a smaller banner image. Top navigation followed by a banner isn’t always easy to spot at a first glance. Below the banner, it has a better chance.

“Hey, check it out.” James lifted the lid of the small box tacked to a tree on the side of the path. “Looks like this is their mail system.” A small pad and a pen hung from strings nearby, and he took it up to scribble his own note to drop in the mailbox.

The arched eyebrow on Harry’s face said it all. “Sending Santa Claus your Christmas list?”

“No,” James snorted. “I wrote down that I have to work tomorrow and if someone could send a boat to the beach to take us home, I’d appreciate it.” Not that he had the impression anyone would answer.

The contact box in the sidebar is a nice touch that we don’t see often. That’s a good idea, as it eliminates clicks for visitors and gives them a way to get in touch with you quickly.

The problem is that unless your home page copy clearly conveys what your services are and why people should get in touch with you, the box becomes a useless feature. Visitors will have to peruse your other pages regardless to find out what you offer, your services and your rates, so the home page contact box becomes a case of putting the cart before the horse.

Also, with so many sites using that section for opt-ins for newsletters or free reports, the contact widget could be a little confusing. (Trust us, it doesn’t take much.) We suggest removing it, changing it into a free download option to capture emails or at the very least, adding some copy above it to clarify that it’s not an opt-in and that it’s to get in touch with you for work.

The boys found another sign nearby on the beach, and this one had a long letter that didn’t really seem to get to the point. James eventually got bored and walked away, while Harry just stood there shaking his head.

There was just too much text. People who were looking for information never had the time or patience to read something like this, especially so tightly packed with content. It would have been better to cut the fluff, get to the point and really tell castaways that landed here what this place was about.

“There isn’t much here,” James squinted at the bric-a-brac huts. After wandering off the beach to go explore the compound, the boys had found a place to sit and gaze at the handmade hutches. The whole place looked like it lacked professional architecture and construction, almost as if whoever lived here had built the compound by unskilled hands.

“Nope.” Harry wasn’t much more impressed at the amateur job. If a storm swept through this island, it looked like nothing would hold. Basic framework was all there was, a skeleton of living space versus construction that could be more solid and inviting to tourists. “They weren’t very imaginative,” he added, noticing the plain structure.

“Well, come on,” James slapped at some little insect trying to bite his arm. “Why be imaginative way out here? It’s a deserted island. But it has potential,” he cocked his head and gazed at the tropical beaches around him. “It could be real nice.”

A little inspired by sudden vision, he got to his feet and started hopping from rock to rock.

“I could see this place turning into a luxury resort. Water, sand… sun,” he turned his face up to the warmth. “Something breezy.”A cloud passed over, cutting off the golden rays and darkening the area with shadows, making James rub his arms as if he was cold. “Something less creepy. This place scares me a little. It’s nice, and at the same time, it’s like something is going to jump out of the bushes at me.”

Not that they could see anything in the bushes.

The blog lacks categories and recent post listings in the sidebar. There’s nothing to help people stay on your blog and keep reading. There are no RSS feed or email subscription invitations anywhere, and there aren’t any commentators.

This may signal that you’re not getting any traffic, which is likely if you’re not promoting your site or using SEO to its best advantage. If you are getting traffic, then it’s clear that people aren’t staying to participate in discussions.

There’s not a single sign of life on the blog – and that includes community and an overall impression of health and vitality. With the mood of abandoned, deserted island going on, it’s quite possible that people may not feel this is a good place to linger.

A castaway beach theme is hard to pull off unless it’s done right. It’s finding the mood and emotional feel that conveys the difference between finding a haven in the sun on a beautiful island and being Tom Hanks talking to a Wilson volleyball with no hope of ever being found.

Scary.

“Tabernack.” The low, sharp mutter reflected Jamie’s building thundercloud of frustration. He stuck his banged thumb in his mouth to suck it.

“I told you to let me help you,” Harry rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to lift that tree trunk by yourself, you know. I’m right here to help.” Of course, Mr. I Can Do Anything had to figure it out the hard way – not that building a raft was something they’d done before.

“I can do it.” James glowered at the makeshift platform a minute before bending to examine the vine bindings. He was sunburned, sandy and thirsty. “Think this’ll hold?”

“Sure it will.” Harry tugged on a knot. “Solid as can be.” And if the weather held, maybe – just maybe – they’d make it home.

Or at least to civilization.

Want more? You got it. Check out the lineup of upcoming hit jobs:

August 24 – Yes to Me
August 31 – LitGuides
September 7 – Miramar Mike 2.0
September 14 – Green Plan(t)
September 21 – Fawnskin Flyer
September 28 – Forty Plus Two
October 5 – The Enhance Life
October 12 – Creative Texture Tools
October 19 – Ulla Hennig’s Weblog
October 26 – Simplistic Thoughts
November 2 – Positioning Strategy
November 9 – Sushi Day
November 16 – The D Spot Redux
November 23 – The Antisocial Social Worker
November 30 – Writer Dad

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Or hit us up for a private drive-by via email. It’s only $30, and you’ll get your shoot-out within a week.

Come on. You know you wanna.