Joe

You are right though, we are measuring ourselves against ourselves, but we have to remember to cut ourselves some slack too and not be so strict with that ruler.

Usually I can tell when it’s in play, I find myself rewriting the same 500 word article 15 times in a week. It’s a very hard habit to break and I don’t think it has anything to do with self-confidence, or lack thereof.

It’s more you are constantly competing with yourself. Your last effort is not ‘your best’, at least in your own mind. You push to do better, other people and their opinion have nothing to do with it. Outside confirmation is falling on deaf ears, because deep down, you are measuring yourself against yourself.

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Thanks for sharing your experience with us, and I truly hope that you take steps to have a freer mind.

I cannot finish anything! I’m a perfectionist and it’s ruined my life.

I’ve had my pick of women most of my life (I’m 52 now) and still single. I could never get myself to propose because, since it was easy for me to find another chick, I was always wondering if a more perfect relationship was out there.

My house and lawn is a work in progress, a lonnngggg progress, like 20 years of progress, such a long progress that my last unfinished work runs in to my latest idea of what will look good. My kitchen has been half done for over 10 years, living room 3 years, guest room and weight room, I forgot how long I’ve had them tore up and forget about the master bathroom, I don’t even let people look in there. In my front yard I built a beautiful planter out of limestone in which I had to hand chisel each piece into place… it’s done and hadn’t planted a thing in it since I finished it 2 years ago. And there more; much more.

This isn’t funny. It’s like an invisible force that doesn’t let me go further; I hate, dread, can’t, don’t know how, to finish anything (at least it feels that way). I’ve pretty much resigned myself to living out the rest of my life as one big incomplete job.

You should see the incomplete work (any work) I DO get done, you can tell it was on its way to becoming something to be proud of!

Here’s a little insight. I think, not sure, but think, it is when I reach a point in a project that seems beyond my skill or a decision I cant come to, like what color or material or whatever and then I let it slowly dwindle until I’m no longer motivated anymore; I don’t know. I do know this, if you are someone who is TRULY afflicted with this twisted, screwed up, brain chemistry then you do, beyond a doubt, have a problem that can screw up your entire life. I hate this; I feel like I can’t move forward. It’s like I’m frozen in a confusing mess of incompletion and don’t know where to start to fix it. I’ve thought of hiring people to just do it all for me but I KNOW, I reallllyyy KNOW, that I will be completely unsatisfied .

I’ve tried to apply that saying “it doesn’t have to be done perfect, it just has to be done” and I cheerfully stick that in my head as I try to tackle the job but then the job becomes a distasteful process and I begin to hate myself for doing a half-a** job.

So I sit here alone, in a house under perpetual construction, just like everything else in my life and I’m running out of time.

Joe

…and then Harry’s looking crestfallen, because, “All I wanted to hear was, ‘Good job, bro!’

Blink blink. “Oh… Well, that’s what I meant to say, yes! That’s it exactly. Good job!”

Somehow it doesn’t have the same effect.

@ Michael – I am the same way about learning to just say “thank you” instead of trying to tell people all the reasons why it wasn’t perfect! It was only a few years ago that I realized that 1: it’s insulting to other people when you tell them that their judgement of whatever it is they are complementing you on is crap, and 2: they would have never noticed your mistakes had you not told them! So now it’s a lot easier for me to smile and thank them, even while thinking “what are you talking about?!?! That was horrible!”

@ James – I love the comment about giving feedback as to why you think it was a good job. On a somewhat different but kind of the same note, I think I’m probably way to quick to give “constructive criticism.” I just love when people tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can take measures to correct it (the perfectionist in me? Probably.) but I don’t always realize that other people aren’t the same way. Oops…

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