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How to be Cool with Your Network Contacts
Networking is a valuable way to achieve some great success in your career. A good contact can help you get set up in business, can offer you some referrals so you start earning clients, and can help you through some rough times with some advice.
But there’s a right way and a wrong way to network. Be cool, or be square.
Be Friendly with Your New Friends
Be friends before you become business associates. Find out a little about the person. Ask some questions, like whether they have kids or a favorite sport. You don’t have to get deep and ask them about their deepest dreams or what color of underwear they like best. It is a good idea to know more about your networks than how you can leverage them.
Be Open and Transparent
If you’re going to leverage someone to get ahead, let them know about your plans. That doesn’t mean coming out with, “By the way, I’m going to pick your brains. I hope you don’t mind.” It does mean mentioning your plans for the future, where you’d like to be and possibly how you’d like to get there. Be honest with what you’d like to achieve.
Be Nice with Networking
People like people. People don’t really like people who aren’t sincere or who are just out to make a quick buck. A network contact is going to be a person that willingly helps you achieve greater success, so treat that person well. Don’t go behind their back, steal their ideas or compromise their success to boost your own.
Be Willing to Share
Most network contacts hook up with you for the same reasons you hook up with them: because there is something to gain. While it’s true that some people in business are just plain nice and helpful, even those people generally know that helping someone else get ahead brings them a benefit. A good reputation? Credibility? New referrals? Share something of value and repay the networking favor
Be Forthcoming with Information
If you do set a plan in motion and the network contact had a hand in the fruition, it’s always a nice idea to let them know about the plan first. It makes them feel good to be approached and let in on your impending release, your new service, or the opening day of your business. They’ll probably be willing to give you some extra publicity or pitch in with the launch.
Leveraging a resource is a good idea. Leveraging people and what they can offer you can be tricky business. Don’t climb up the ladder of success by stepping on people’s heads. Ask for a helping hand or a boost. Even better, clasp hands and make the relationship between you one that helps both people get ahead.
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James, this is a great post. I would love to print it out and hang it up in the coffee room at work.
Many people here would do well to follow your advice…
(I feel like I have a permanent “bootprint” on my head sometimes…)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
Great advice! I think that a lot of people underestimate being nice, especially when encounters aren’t face-to-face.
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Invincibility
Great post James.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Promo for Me and You
Kidding! Of course I’ll say more.
My problem is I get a little too friendly and people take me the wrong way. I have to watch that.
Also, I’m getting a feel for the online community and what people are about. It is harder without that 95% of nonverbal communication. Something I have always relied on. Now I have nothing but words. And hopefully pictures.
I have to get back to work. 43 more blog posts to go.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Promo for Me and You
When you have 43 blog posts to go, but you’d rather spend your time commenting on blogs, contact us! We’ll help ease your workload and make your life way more fun.
@ Ellen – Ech, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s easy to be taken the wrong way online lacking so much body language. Add to that personal perception and subjective views, and it’s a combination of “watch your toes.” It can be done, though. You do just fine with your words here.
@ RLD – I agree. Being nice for the sake of being nice often gets people much farther than being sneaky. There’s nothing wrong with upfront communication while making new friends that can help leverage your business.
@ Brett – Because I’m too trusting of people’s ulterior motives and don’t generally see them coming until they stab me in the back, I’m all for better communication. I am much more comfortable with people who are clear and honest with me – and who show respect while picking my brains. My brains get picked a lot.
@Ellen – I agree on the non-verbal thing, especially when people use sarcasm over the internet. I usually don’t catch on to sarcasm…
On the upside, I think that the text-only communication helps us learn to be ridiculously precise with our wording, which makes us better writers
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Invincibility
@ James – I agree with you 100 percent on that. By nature, I’m a very trusting person and it took many years to learn how *not* to get stepped on… and because I like to help people, much like you, I used to set myself up.
(BTW – for everyone reading this, from my first comment, when I said “many people ‘here’ would do well to follow James’ advice”, I meant “here” where I work, not here at MwP – just in case my grammar didn’t get the correct message across!!!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
From the Slightly Jaded Voice of Reason: I’ve told James many times he’s too trusting and too friendly for his own good. In all the time we’ve been in business, we’ve only had one case where James’ good nature got seriously stepped on. Not bad, really when you think about it.
@RLD: That’s a good point and one I’ve never considered. I do find that in my everyday life, I’m very careful about the words I choose when speaking face to face.
@Brett: With age comes wisdom, you and I just know better now
@Ellen: Cultural differences also come into play. That was one thing James and I struggled with at the start. I’d say something that was totally normal for down here in the States, but he’d look at me like I’d lost my mind, wondering how I could say such a thing.
Excellent rundown on networking conduct, although Ellen has a great point that making and dealing with online friends is certainly different from dealing with in-the-flesh friends.
Online communication certainly lacks body language (unless you got the webcam thing going), but on the other hand, there is no exchange of body odors, which can be a good thing.
On that note:
Men with Pens
We write better than we smell
Nez’s last blog post..PLR Articles, the Microstock of Written Content
@Nez: Not quite sure how to respond to that one. I would hope I smell as good as I write…or something like that. No matter how you say it, it doesn’t sound good, lol.
@ Nez – Dude. I smell fantastic. Not that I’ll be lettin’ you have a sniff or anything just to prove my point…
But you bring up something interesting – I think many people forget that we *can* apply face-to-face networking strategies openly to online dealings. I do it all the time via email. The approach, the wording, the honesty, the friendliness, the upfront attitude… it all blends together to make reality happen even virtually. People forget their manners online.
@ Harry – Yep, burned bad. Hence this post. Inspiration comes from bad things as well as good
@ Harry – very true, my friend.
I recently took a Myers-Briggs personality test, and it said I should either be a priest (the guys at work call me “Father”, although for more reasons than one, 4 reasons I suspect!), a writer (natch), or a punching bag.
Just kidding about that last one…
@ Nez – re: body odor, well, there was a failed attempt at “Smell-O-Vision” way back when, maybe it will come back into fashion.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
@ James – you are right.
It does begin with manners. Saying please and thank you, using a person’s correct name, signing with your own name. And it continues with honesty and integrity.
Like an electronic handshake.
(Or passing someone an e-beer out of the cooler…)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
Hi James – What do you mean – I thought it was compulsory to ask about underwear colour during the second conversation. Did I forget to ask you?
Seriously tho – I find myself not agreeing with some of your points. And I know not everyone is like me, but I don’t just network because they’re something to gain. This might be completely wrong and I might get ahead a little slower. But, in my experience – work and referals always seem to come from the places you’d least expect it anyway.
And this is probably really bad advice and I wouldn’t recommend anyone to follow it, but if I meet someone and they’re a complete prick (they’d have to annoy me a few times, not just a one off) I’d tell them they were a complete prick – no matter how much they could help me.
Mind you – this is just me – and as I say, this may not be the greatest advice.
CatherineL’s last blog post..5 Business Writing Tips You Can Profit From
@ Harry: It was either that or “We write better than we look”.
@ James and Brett: You’re right about injecting geniality into email communications, especially with clients or potential clients. Plus, there’s always the “smile in your voice” we all are taught to use when talking over the phone. There’s also the ever-loving emoticons — not to be confused with Decepticons and Autobots, though.
@ Catherine: I agree about being selective — not everyone’s out to be your friend, or is worth being a friend to — in an ideal world, yes.
But, I do believe in practicing the Golden Rule, and yes that does mean I’d want someone to tell me if I was doing something wrong.
Nez’s last blog post..PLR Articles, the Microstock of Written Content
@ Catherine – I’m not necessarily meaning networking simply to gain, but we all tend to gravitate towards the people we think, know, or hope can help us. Many of us are all friends first, but many of these friends – in the backs of their minds – file away what we can do and offer (now or later) just as we do the same to them.
True, though. Work and referrals do come from places we don’t expect. But when you’re talking to someone, do you not feel you mentally file ideas or points or references that might be handy to you later without specifically making a point of doing so?
I do see what you mean, don’t get me wrong. I think you have the right of it. You treat people like people first and leverage like leverage second. Many don’t, unfortunately.
For the prick thing… Ha, good for you. And white/grey or black, if you must know. No swingin’ in the wind here.
@ Nez – ah, Transformers
I love it that my oldest is getting into that, because that means I get to play with them again (off-topic, I know, but couldn’t resist…)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
@ James – It is good to stick together. You never know when someone can help you. Or you, them. It is an inherent need we have as social beings. But yes, I suppose some people can be more Machiavellian than others.
@ Brett – Psychology is fascinating, I took the Myers Briggs and I’m a EFT – something. I will have to look it up. It was the same as Oprah and Ralph Nader. I like them very much and could hang with them. Politics! But a person can be conservative and I could still like them. Just depends on personality.
I think it is kind of surreal networking online. Realistically, we probably won’t ever meet eachother.
@ Happiness- Yeah, it does force us to be very clear and concise in our writiing.
@ Catherine – Pricks are pricks. Nothing short of a miracle will change one..into something else. Ha!
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Promo for Me and You
@ Ellen – yes, it is fascinating. I was an INFP. I think I may have taken this same test back at university, but I am not sure of the result then. I guess we change as we mature so I’m sure it would be different across the span of 15 years (probably having four children would do it!)
It is kind of neat to see the famous people who are like you, and I agree with you as well. I have friends who would probably be diametrically opposed to me according to these personality tests, but it really doesn’t matter – we are still friends. It is just a test. If people are willing to get along, just about any difference can be put aside…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
I’m like Ellen… I tend to be too friendly at times. Of course, at other times (particularly when I’m not very comfortable in the situation… I’m ridiculously shy) I’m polite to a fault, and come off as cold.
It does really frustrate me when people are so focused on “what can you do for ME? ME ME ME!” I was at a seminar last week that had a “networking” Q&A session afterwards and it was almost funny watching one guy push his way to the front of every line to talk to the professionals, and then he wasn’t very friendly… more distant and professional-like. I understand that people have to promote themselves to a certain extent, but the professionals seemed to react a lot better to those of us who were friendly, and even go out of their way a little to help those of us who were a little more friendly.
Allison’s last blog post..Taste and Create 5
@ Allison – The best strategy I’ve found to network effectively is to first decide what I want and from whom. Then, before I ever approach the person, I figure out what I can give them. It isn’t about me. When I do give, it’s with the hope that something good may one day happen and also with the complete expectation and understanding that this person owes me absolutely nothing in return.
On a side note, I hate pushy people.
@ Brett – There’s a psychological profile test that is something like 500 questions and 15 million pages long. It’s rather interesting, asking questions like, “Do you hurt animals for fun?” and “Do you feel a tendency to kill people when you hold a knife?” You gotta wonder about how many people said yes.
@ Ellen – I love psychology. By the time I get my degree, I’ll probably need a doctorate to practice in Quebec. Sheesh.
@ James – wow, that is just too weird – yeah, you do have to wonder who would say yes to those questions. And how long it would take police to arrive to your house if you did.
Hmm. I have read that a good portion of successful management types profile on the edge of psychosis. Perhaps they said yes?
(Apologies to any management reading this. Or not…)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..rapid prototyping life 2.0
@ Nez – With those taglines you’ve created – I can see someone setting up one of those spoof sites like John Cow Did To John Chow. Maybe it could be Men With Hens or something?
@ Ellen – That is so funny and so true.
@ James – I think what you say is true – we do tend to gravitate towards people who are more like us and have the same aspirations. And you are naturally going to think of ways to help people you know and recommend people you know.
Also, if you want advice on something – you’d obviously ask someone you’d already had some sort of contact with.
But, what I’m meaning is, I would never network with any gain in mind. I just like to help people and I’ve always been lucky in getting help when I need it, but it always comes from places I’m not expecting. But, remember – the way I do things is not necessarily right for everyone – it’s just what seems to work for me.
CatherineL’s last blog post..5 Business Writing Tips You Can Profit From