I once heard someone say that a name is the only gift you give a child that lasts forever. The reminder that you really should choose your children’s names wisely (of course) followed that touching thought.
My kids have good names. In fact, one of them has three names, plus a ‘nom composé’ as a last name, which brings the grand total to five. No, her name does not fit into any possible form she might have to fill out. Sorry.
The point is that I gave gifts to my kids when their names were chosen. We spent many a night on the porch gazing out at the world while softly saying names out loud to see what sounded good, what felt right, what conveyed the proper strength and emotion.
My kids’ names have meaning. They have history. They represent something. We were proud and pleased to give them this gift.
I thought that all soon-to-be parents carried out deep introspection into their children’s names. I really did. Alas, I’m sad to realize that this seems not to be the case, as demonstrated by none other than our wonderful commentators.
No, really. You should see some of the names parents gave their kids. Take Firewall Configuring, for example. I mean, Firewall’s not too bad in itself (though Fireforge would’ve been way cooler) but pair that with Configuring and you have one sadly-named kid. The same goes for his cousin, Firewall Management.
Though Management as a last name does have a nice ring to it.
I digress. We’re here to honor the poorly-named in life, and I present Web Page Designer as my next case in point. I sympathize with Web, I really do. What if he wanted to be a firefighter? Or a marine biologist? He’d have a really hard time getting a job. Try explaining a name like that to your new boss.
I keep wondering what the hell parents were thinking the day they named their kids? Then again, maybe those new mums and dads wanted to have a kid who felt special and different.
I really feel bad for some of our commentators, though. There’s nothing special and different about names like Business Logos and his buddy Stores Online. And some names are the type to send people to therapy for the rest of their lives.
When I saw a comment from Heat Pump Installer, I nearly sent the poor guy flowers. Heat Pump Installer. Please. Never name your kid that. Any name that has pump in it is just a schoolyard disaster waiting to happen.
The worst is that I’m feeling more awkward for these people than they do! They’ve obviously accepted their names and some even embrace them (like Poker Royale 87 and Porn Poontang 1265), but when they leave comments, I…
Well, I feel bloody silly. How do you answer a thoughtful comment from Wet Suit Warehouse without squirming? And should you call him Wet or would that offend him? I don’t want to upset anyone around here, so I do my best to just accept it and move on, but that sort of stuff is always back in the mind, you know?
I could delete the comments from Best Running Shoes and Free Article Directory. Many bloggers out there do just that – take Michael Martine, who even deletes comments as part of his policy. He thinks this whole scheme is some cultish endeavor to spam up his blog in a sneaky, backhanded, impersonal way.
I have to give him credit. It’s possible. It’s also possible that if you really stretch your imagination for a moment, you can picture some loving mother out there cradling her newborn and gazing down at him while whispering, “Printing. Printing 4 U.”
But if Michael is right, if this whole Play Online Games and Book Publishing Today naming theory is some conspiracy to drop comments and use keywords to get traffic and SEO and all that jazz…
Well. That’s pretty bloody disrespectful.
You see, this blog isn’t here to be your marketing tool to use and discard as you see fit. This blog is not your link bait. I didn’t invest thousands of hours and dollars and plenty of heartache and energy to build this blog so you could come be an ass and disrespect for me and my team.
I built this blog to be a community, a gathering place for real people who want to learn and have a better business online – and who have real-people names.
I also don’t have the time or the inclination to sit here for half an hour a day trying to figure out if Anti-Virus Helper is really a spammer or really just some guy who thought it was funny to not leave his name. Which ended up being Jonas.
So. Allow me to be of assistance to those of you who don’t yet understand blogging manners: There are three simple fields in the comment section – Name, Email and URL. I am pretty darned positive that it’s relatively easy for everyone to fill those out properly.
Do so. And if you can’t be bothered to do so, I can’t be bothered to have your comment on my blog.
I won’t delete comments from people like Door Handle Hardware and Fish Tanks Galore. Some are worthy of keeping and really were written with thought. Maybe the commentators were just following smarmy advice from those gurus who recommend this kind of thing.
But I will mark poorly-named comments as spam and send a lovely email to the individual asking them to repost the comment with a real-people name (you know, like Jack or Jill or Jane or something like that). Or, I’ll just wipe out the name, the website URL, the Comment Luv feature and leave the comment itself.
Sound like a plan?
Do you mean to tell me that my most loyal commentor, Ch-eAp ViA_GRa isn’t a real person?
I usually like to leave well thought-out and insightful comments. But today I only wanted to let you know that you made me laugh.
.-= Henry´s last blog ..Three Steps To Overcome Objections =-.
I laughed pretty hard at this post.
Actually a while a go I dropped my blog name as an appendix to my real name in comments for this reason. Although I was also providing my real name, it just didn’t feel write – a little less personal than I would like.
My brother, Home Page, and best friend My Site have been griping about this for years. But what can you expect when your parents are named URL Address and Domain Name?
Personally, I use the alias Mikel most of the time.
Hrm, while it’s your blog, and your decision, I can only wish you the best. I’ll be unsubscribing from your RSS feed, as I disagree with your choice, and do not wish to use my name to feed the spambots and search engines, and generally to make my personal information not-so-personal any longer.
I appreciate your work on here, and hope that you continue to grow and that your work is well rewarded.
Well, I’m glad I’ve always used my name then lol. This is funny, but you really do have a very good point. Makes it much more personal and real.
.-= Chris Anderson´s last blog ..OMV Update Sept. 6th =-.
Oh, I just LOVE this post. Brilliant. And so, so true. I haven’t been able to figure out what all those parents had been thinking, either… Love!
.-= –Deb´s last blog ..Writing Makes Everything Possible =-.
Thanks for making me laugh!
I dislike spam, but it seems to be something that occurs naturally whenever I blog – like weeds in a garden. Fortunately my spam filter catches most of them. . .
.-= Laura Spencer´s last blog ..The Economy, New Clients, And You =-.
Just like using a real name (like John, or–my personal favorite, John3) doesn’t make a spam comment acceptable, using a real comment doesn’t make a spam name acceptable.
The problem is, not everyone takes that stand, so people come to think that it’s okay or even encouraged. I’m fine with someone taking Patrick’s prior approach (using both the person and website names), as long as the comment’s real.
If you still get misnamed comments, I think you now have every right to either delete or scrub/post, no email required.
.-= David Garcia´s last blog ..Why every small business should advertise on Facebook =-.
What’s funny is that I have become lax in enforcing this, and after my redesign, there are no obvious references to my comment policy. Nothing like other people linking to your stuff and making an example out of it to hold you accountable to your own words! THANKS, DUDE.
What really cracks me up are the ones who leave names like “SEO Agency,” because nothing proves to me they’re clueless more than that.
Lately, we’ve found out that Google doesn’t “nofollow” like we thought (such a link may not pass PageRank to the linked page, but Google can and does follow it).
Most of these comments are completely automated. The commenter has no idea what blogs the comments are appearing on, nor do they care about what anyone thinks of their comments. They use software that scans the web for keyword-relevant posts, on which they then automatically leave a generic comment.
The content of our comments should be what drives traffic back to our blogs, not the name link. Helping the blog author make his or her post a better one by contributing a comment is the name of the game. Think of comments as something you’re doing for the author, not for yourself, and you’ll never go wrong.
I love the humor with which you approached this! Thanks for the smile!
.-= Michael Martine´s last blog ..Could This be the Reason Why Your Customers aren’t Finding Your Blog? =-.
Laughed so loud my family came running. Fun post with a message all spammers are sure to understand.
Personally, I’d really like to have a talk with Viagra King’s parents…but then again, maybe not.
.-= Deb Ng´s last blog ..8 Tips to Maintain a Healthy Weight for Freelance Writers =-.
Great post – have to say that I was tempted to drop in a name with success in it just to prove that I DIDN’T get it but you worked so hard I had to acknowledge it.
Besides, how am I suppose to build name recognition if I don’t actually use my name?
.-= Kathryn Lang´s last blog ..Making a Freelance Writing Schedule that Works =-.
I guess when Frank Zappa named his daughter Moon Unit, he wasn’t thinking about the implications for commenting at MwP. But what if her site is selling something other than moon units? Is it still a spammy name?
.-= Hunter Nuttall´s last blog ..Cloud Living: Freedom, Expression, And Financial Abundance =-.
Best. Post. Ever. I personally just delete the comments or sometimes make up a name if the comment is worth leaving. I get so much of this junk that I turn off comments on my posts after a certain period.
Thanks for the laugh!
.-= Randa Clay´s last blog ..Answers to your frequently asked questions =-.
@ Hunter – Well, actually, moon units sound pretty cool… I wonder if Frank Kern sells them?
@ Michael – Oh, you sly thing you, trying to forget your own policies… But I remember! Mostly because I sat there and argued for you accepting “James Chartrand – Men with Pens” on your blog
Which I find perfectly acceptable. But “Men with Pens” would not be. Unless you want to call me Mr. Men. Or Mr. Pen. Either are perfect.
@ Kathryn – You could build name recognition by using “Name Recognition”, perhaps? But then again, everyone would call you Name, which just sucks.
@ Deb – I am so not touching that comment in a million years
@ David – Ah, but I so enjoy sending those witty little emails that say, “You didn’t REALLY mean to do that, did you?”
@ Laura – Up until about two weeks ago, Askimet was catching 99%. Then someone got sneaky and let the real looking comments through with keyworded names. And if I’m not paying attention (or haven’t had coffee), they look quickly legit.
Grr. Then I have to delete them. What a time waste.
@ Deb the Knitter – *sniff*… she loves me… I’m so happy… *sniff sniff*… love you back!
Oh, wait. Dammit. You meant the post, eh?
@ Chris – Yeah, I like to think that if I have to be a real person, then other people have to do the same. Fair trade, no?
@ Max – Well, I’m sorry to see you go and especially considering I think your decision is made under some false beliefs about what spambots do with people’s names, but if that’s your choice, I certainly respect it. Best of luck to you!
@ Mikel – I hear you. It certainly must be difficult to carry such a burden through life. But I appreciate that you’ve adopted a name that I can actually use without feeling silly!
Hmm. I wonder what name I could adopt. Superman is taken…
@ Patrick – Nah, you were fine. You were using both and we knew who you were. (We know where you live, too. Muahahah!!… Okay, well, only the country, but still…)
@ Henry – I know. I was shocked too, especially when Firewall Config told me all about Teen Sixxxy and Black Hat All4U. They were my friends! I thought I could trust them!!!!
Nice post! What about those clone people that leave the exact same comment, just from 12 different names? I don’t have anything against twins or triplets, but these extreme multiples are a little creepy…
.-= E. Foley´s last blog ..Geek World: Properties Made for Theme Parks =-.
This made my day. As traffic on my blog goes up, of course the spam goes up as well. I’ve started keeping a file of the best ones. So far, this is the winner:
“So so good. Your informton is wondrous and impotent. So so good.”
I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, I’m not wondrous.
.-= Josh Hanagarne´s last blog ..Guest Post Ultra-Marathon: Let’s Get Stupid =-.
Good post. I get so tired of people posting fake names on my blog. I’ve not come to the point where I delete them if they don’t, but I think about it though.
Like your first commenter, Henry I do delete those comments from cHeAP viAgra though. He just doesn’t seem to want to talk about what the rest of the group is talking about. He needs to learn to stay on topic. He always wants to talk about his medication import business.
.-= Nicholas Cardot´s last blog ..You Get To Interview A Blogging Mastermind =-.
I think this is probably one of the cooler policies I’ve seen in regards to kinda-but-not-really-spammy comments. You keep the comment, but get rid of the spam. It’s like the George Foreman Grill of policies. I also think it’s a lot of work, and don’t think I’d be willing to do it, but if you are, power to you, dude.
Also…
@Josh Hangarne – hahahahaha
.-= Adam Di Stefano´s last blog ..Why Branding Is More Important Now Than Ever =-.
Adam, no one laughs at Mr. Wondrous and Impotent! You’ll regret this!
.-= Josh Hanagarne´s last blog ..Guest Post Ultra-Marathon: Let’s Get Stupid =-.
James,
What about people who add blog name to their real name, aka James @ Men With Pens? On popular blogs it easy to find persons with same names. Of course I can move my mouse pointer over their name and to see their website url to distinguish them, but personaly it is easier to read @. For me it adds more identity to person and I am not look to it as keywords spam.
.-= Vilmis´s last blog ..Free magazine for underwater photographers =-.
James,
Dead-on as always. I delete those poorly-named sots as a matter of course, because unlike here at MWP, at my blog they never leave comments that make me wonder whether they put thought into them. I have no need for gentle emails, just delete ‘em and move on.
Got to get me a higher-class breed of name-challenged commenters, I guess!
I’m a firm believer in names as our only forever gift to our wee ones. My kid can attest to that.
Hope you start a revolution in naming with this post.
Regards,
Kelly, who tried to post this earlier to no avail
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..MCE Round Table: Are You Talkin’ to Me? =-.
@ Vilmis – I’m all for that – in fact, you’ll see me use “James Chartrand – Men with Pens” all over the place. (But not James@Menwithpens – I’m not “at” Men with Pens. I own it
)
It tells people who you are and brands you and your business at the same time. But, most importantly, it gives people a real name, not just some spammy stuff.
@ Josh – Maybe you want to take an appointment with Viagra King too? Just get in touch with Deb, she’ll put you in touch once she finds his parents.
@ Adam – I’m fast on the keyboard, quick on the draw. And I have much more fun embarrassing people who are purposefully stupid than I do deleting comments
@ Nicholas – At first, it wasn’t much of a big deal and I know some people are just doing it because they’re new to blogging and are told by ‘gurus’ that it’s the right thing to do. But after you start fielding 10+ a day… yeah. No.
@ E – I hear you on that! 20 comments all the same, diff companies… They catch me when I am coffeeless. Blarg.
What’s worse is those that copy/paste a snippet of someone else’s legit comment and reuse it. Then I get complaints about comment theft. (As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with content theft.)
@ Kelly – Ah, a special comment, just for you. And yes, your kid will probably never forget that I’m the only person in Quebec who can’t say her name properly on the first go. I know, I know.
(Two listens. 15 minutes. I am a rockstar. Just sayin’.)
Hilarious and oh-so-true, James.
I recently changed my comment policy and mark any comment left with a keyword and no name as spam. I use KeywordLuv so commenters can leave both a name and keyword, but they have to leave a name. I’m tired of responding to Cheap Toilet Seats and Philadelphia Lawyer and SEO King.
The spammers that are the hardest to catch are the copy-and-pasters, especially on a post that has quite a few comments. Very annoying.
.-= Lillie Ammann´s last blog ..Happy Labor Day =-.
I totally agree James. It is super-annoying when I receive blog comments from “web design india” or “online personal classifieds” or “site tool”.
People just don’t seem to understand that blogs are not just some place for them to spew their marketing garbage.
Personally, I have taken a rather strong stance on crappy, marketing comments on my blogs… from IP blacklisting, to careful moderating.
If it’s a garbage comment, put it where it belongs…in the garbage.
Cheers,
Chris
.-= Chris from AB Web Design, LLC´s last blog ..Question Submitted to Google’s Matt Cutts Gets a Video Response =-.
Is it a good or bad thing that I don’t have this problem? (Then again Askimet does a great job filtering so I may have this problem but be totally unaware of it)
.-= Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s last blog ..How to Manage the Chaos of Transformation =-.
Probably not a good idea leaving your email address on every comment either.
TBH though – the self promotion names aren’t the worst I have seen. It is comment names that make fun of a popular (or unpopular) personality. Usually these are more an excuse to make harsh attacks on someone behind the veil of anonymity.
Ha… Very good.
One of the things that has been bugging the hell out of me on one of my other sites. More often than not I just delete them, although I have from time to time made a minor edit.
Nice to stumble on your blog.
.-= Justin´s last blog ..Twitter – What the hell is Twitter!? =-.
What a great post and such a creative way to make a point. I rarely laugh this early in the morning while still on my first cup of coffee, but couldn’t help it! Hopefully, at least some of the target audience will get the point. I think you are correct when you say some new to marketing are following what the so-called gurus are telling them. Thank you for being the voice of reason on this issue.
.-= Edie Dykeman´s last blog ..Middle Age Memory Problems Linked to High Blood Pressure =-.
I’m still cranky that your server ate my comment that I left here last night. Well, that or you deleted it because you no longer love my name…
I use a plugin to catch spam and it normally works well, but lately I’ve had a couple of the realistic looking ones.
“I don’t really know what to say. I just found your site and like it, I’ll be coming back”
But the giveaway is that I’ve had five of them on different posts over two days and all with different names…. including the keywords in the name, and a link in the comment as well.
The people who pay others to write this rubbish must think we’re stupid….
.-= Melinda | WAHM Biz Builder´s last blog ..Is Cottage Industry Dead? =-.
Lolzzzzz…. interesting post with a nice taste of humor … Ok, so we are seeing a new turn in events… Internet Marketers watch out…
.-= Amy Dyslex´s last blog ..How to Write Creatively =-.
I completely agree with you.
It is exciting to receive comments but then you find that many of them add little or nothing.
I have taken quite a strict line and to be published, the comment needs to be relevant to the post and hopefully support my targeted keywords.
The more blatant the post is to promoting another business, the harder the comment has to work to get published.
.-= Paul Simister´s last blog ..What Is A Leader? What is The Definition Of Leadership? =-.
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Thanks for the laughs!
I also get those multiples and the ever present derivations of the little blue pill and his two siblings (Ci and Lev). They drive me crazy but are easy to spot. What’s a little more difficult are the ones named Cheap Big Screen TVs or Buy Insurance Online that actually leave comments that contribute to the conversation. They get deleted anyway.
.-= Ron´s last blog ..12 Great Father and Son/Daughter Outings for $50 or Less =-.
Whether a person is spamming or not depends upon the value which they’ve added with their comment. Does their take show that they’ve actually read the blog post? Is it relevant? Or engaging?
I could care less what text is in the name field as long as what’s in the text field is relevant to the post.
RB
Hahaha… That woke me up a bit with a nice laugh. I couldn’t get why this article was called “Don’t Keyword Your Comments” until I was almost halfway through (we’re out of coffee).
The part I hate most about some blogs is when they allow anonymous posts. Its really hard to keep up the conversation with so many of them.
I get the realistic looking ones all the time, but like Melinda said, it will be the same comment on a bunch of different posts. I was amazed when “real people” started reading and leaving comments on my site, and even more amazed when the spammers found me. Ah, the modern signs of success!
.-= Sabrina´s last blog ..Rohe =-.
James, you are using comLuv and it loves ‘@’
.-= Vilmis @ Travel Tips´s last blog ..Free magazine for underwater photographers =-.
Uhh, why not, if the comment is good, i would approve it right away…
For me the relevancy of the comment is important and also the quality and if the people use keywords, then i would gladly approve it, also try keywordluv, one of the best plugins that will eliminate the problem with names and keywords.
Cheers!
Great post!
I especially feel for those unpronounceable names. Such as those 15 consonants and one vowel individuals. Perhaps its not translating well to English but still, maybe they could choose a more common nickname like Dick or Jane … I’d even settle for Spot.
.-= Edward Caissie´s last blog ..Find Old WordPress Support Profile =-.
I love this post. I’m still working on getting a regular schedule on my blog so mostly I just get spam.
I get alot of the the “you brought up a lot of interesting points” and my blog post was about a project I just finished (I’m a crafter)
But the ones I love the most are the ones not in English (or even this alphabet). If you are going to leave a comment at least leave it in the same language. I just mark them as spam and go on my merry.
I only use my first name because my whole name is rather unique and easily traceable, but I still use my real name.
Hilarious, I will delete obvious spam comments, but if they actually have something useful to say i may edit the URL out and possible change the name.
I have a grand son called Gage Hunter and another one called Alec’Zander but if one of the kids named any future grand kid (we have 10 currently) Ch-eAp ViA_GRa I may have to go and have a word!
.-= Mik´s last blog ..Riding ON the bus =-.
In order to protect spam you should delete those accounts. But you should also appreciate genuine comments. Thanks.
this article is very interesting and very informative, a lot of people including myself can learn from this site, great work!!! hi five for you!!!
so what’s the problem with the keyword as a name, although it may look spammy but the comment isn’t, then it is acceptable, just think of the keyword as a reward for your commentor, but only if they have contributed to the conversation..
@ Content Writing Jobs, AKA Janice
If you’re testing me to be cute or funny, please don’t. Your future comments with such a name will be edited and titled “I am a spammer”. Which is not so cute nor really funny for you.
Here at this blog, I am a real person. Not “Men with Pens” or “Great Fucking Copywriter”. I give every person who comments here the respect of being real and myself – you can each do the same in return and not spam my blog with link bait tactics.
There are other blogs who accept that. Go find them. Or call yourself Janice as your comment email indicated and be done with it, hm?
To be honest, I have done that in the past, following those ‘online gurus’. It is until I received some comments on my own blog, with interesting keyword names, I have stopped doing that.
.-= Chris´s last blog ..Persecuted for Righteousness: Beatitudes Bible Study Series – Part 8 of 8 =-.
Great post.
Thank god that Akismet takes care of most SPAM comments for me, but yeah, it sure is annoying when people sign off as “cheap viagra” and “seo optimization in 20 minutes”
Igor
.-= Igor Kheifets-IgorHelpsYouSucceed´s last blog ..Twitter Vs Email: Syndication Fight Of The Century? =-.
James, You sound really passionate about this.
People, bloggers, are very diverse as far as comment posting goes as you have noticed.
I would suggest, since your comment posting rules are very strong and strict, place these rules in the “Feel free to leave a comment…” section. That way you are saving people time who would otherwise comment. Also, you would save yourself time deleting posts that you define to be spam.
I have done similar in my blog. There I encourage people to leave keywords. Well, almost! You’ll see.
.-= Dofollow Cool´s last blog ..How To Make Your Dofollow Blogger Look Like A Regular Webpage =-.
Very nice post !
It’s very difficult to choose your personality when you decides to make first steps online, with a blog. However, it’s better to make this name shortly possible because the users must remember the blog’s name.
.-= Alan´s last undefined ..Response cached until Sat 30 @ 9:29 GMT (Refreshes in 23.93 Hours) =-.
Some days ago I received 27 comments with the same content from a person with different names. I said: wow, how many comments. But I received different comments from the same person, that sound like that: nice site, good job, congratulations, i feed your blog. These people annoy me so much. Usually, I receive very few good comments and to the point.
“When I saw a comment from Heat Pump Installer, I nearly sent the poor guy flowers.”
I nearly fell off my chair reading this post. You, my friend, have the gift of humor.