[...] entry from the blog Men with Pens encapsulated the problem for me, “Manners on the Internet, People Still Don’t Get It.“  Read the comments too – they share a few stories that had me shaking my [...]

[...] 21) Manners on the internet [...]

The hang-up thing? Hehehe I did that once. Three times. I sat there whistling and hanging up until finally the person stopped snarking (and calling back). It felt great.

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One thing I try to evangelize is my reaction to the tired old “freedom of speech” argument: Yes, I tell people — you’re free to speak however you like. And other people have the freedom to react however THEY like. You don’t get to dictate that they react with total acceptance. Freedom goes both ways. Then I smile, even though on the inside I’m channeling Tourette’s in their direction.

Although I sometimes stumble on this principle, my personal rule of thumb is to restrain my hot temper and razor-sharp words when someone’s being an ass, because 99% of the time my relationship with the other person is more important than the point under discussion. I will try to communicate again, more clearly, and to empathize with the other person’s circumstances and point of view. If their assdom continues, I’ll just walk away from what clearly isn’t a real conversation anyway. At this point in my life, it takes a *lot* for me to pop a gasket and say something I regret, either in print or in person. I wish the bite-your-tongue approach were more common!

I was particularly touched by Angelawd’s comments about trying to talk with someone who has a different POV. Too many times, I’ve tried to do the same with the same results. Some people see it as a challenge when you say, “I have a different view but I’d like to know more about yours.” Funny — that doesn’t SOUND like “Insult me,” but there’s no accounting for some people’s hearing problems.

I ran into something similar via phone in an old job. I was known for being accommodating, but this one ass … well, I finally said, “Let me interrupt you a minute. I’m willing to listen to what you have to say and to help you. But if you continue to swear at me, I’ll have to disconnect and invite you to call back when you can be civil.” He continued, and I made good. Then he called BACK and said, in suspicious tones, “We must have been accidentally disconnected,” and I said, in dulcet tones, “Oh, no, I disconnected because you were being discourteous, as I said … weren’t you listening?” He continued on in his apoplectic way, and I had to tell him, “I see that you want me to disconnect again. Good day, and feel free to call back at another time.”

My co-workers, who had all dealt with this person (an abusive and bullying co-worker, not a client), startled me when they stood up and clapped as I hung up gently again. (The rude guy also got it. He cooled off for a half hour and called back, MUCH nicer this time.)

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A definitely interesting experience and not one I’d like to repeat. I’m glad that the person stopped sending you emails.

Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker’s last blog post..We Can Only See Who We Are

I tend to be sarcastic and quick to rant, and that tends to get me a bad rep for obvious reasons. I also tend to be very obnoxious, which is probably why people frequently ask me if I’ve been drinking — although I haven’t been since 1996.

But the best is the rep I quickly got on forums (which later translated into blog comments) for being a snob. I honestly still don’t know how it is that I seem to come across as a snob in type. I answer someone’s question, intending to be helpful, and am then perceived as a know-it-all trying to be all my-way-or-the-highway, which isn’t how I am at all. You’d think for a writer I’d be better at acting prim and proper and writing in a way where people wouldn’t perceive me as a jackass, but hey…

At least I get cool nicknames like Pandora out of it.

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