Drive-By-Shooting Sundays: The Chronicles of Rhodester
“Are you sure this is going to work? I mean, really, James.” Harry examined the weapon in his hands with a look that bordered uncertainty. “It would’ve been better for last week’s hit, no?”
“Are you kidding me? This is perfect. It’s fitting, don’t you think?” James reached, twisted something shut and then whirled around, the gun pointing dead at Harry’s forehead.
“Dammit, James!” The water hit him in an eye, the following shots soaking him. “That’s not funny!”
James just grinned, cocky as ever. “It is from where I’m standing.”
Harry wiped his eye with the hem of his shirt. “Just you wait. You’ll pay for this.” His friend had to sleep some time, and Harry knew he had way more patience than James when it came down to paybacks.
But still. He was the voice of reason, after all. “Stop screwing around. This is serious business…”
Or is it…?
When it comes to Chronicles of Rhodester, there is nothing serious at all. Today’s drive-by consult is for Rhodester.net, the blog of David Rhodes. Here’s a glance at the site at the time of the hit:
The first think you notice is the quirky 50s nostalgia. The old-time illustrations that grace this blog are fun and set the tone for the posts themselves. The banner isn’t tacky, and it’s very clear what readers will receive when they read: dementia.
On that note, a little bit more information might be useful. Why should people read this? What are the benefits? Why are you blogging? What can people expect? (Besides dementia, that is…)
This is a personal blog, put forth for the hell of it, as far as we can see. There doesn’t seem to be any huge monetization strategy involved, and there’s no business-related scheme.
The look was carefully though-out, though. The “About Me” is high up on the sidebar, which is good considering visitors might be wondering why the hell they should read this.
The theme is nicely uncluttered. There’s nothing to distract you from the main focus, the posts themselves. This is blogging for the sheer enjoyment of writing and entertainment.
Navigation is cut to the bare minimum. In fact, the only navigation you have is down the sidebar. We’re torn on whether this is good or bad, because basically, people have to read every day or posts get swept by and are inaccessible.
Bad if you want people to read past posts. Good if you know they shouldn’t be reading them in the first place.
A recent posts just beneath the “About” would be good. We like CoffeeSister too, but if you want readers, give readers more to read.
However. Your readers can’t read bugger all, because your RSS is way down in the sidebar. HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING YET? Get that RSS up where it belongs – visible, big and in people’s face in the top right-hand corner. Come to think of it, why not shift your posts left and add new sidebars down the right instead?
(SEO tip number one: Never have a sidebar on the left.)
If we scroll down, we have Entrecard (oh god, get rid of that), categories (those should be renamed, the titles are not 100% clear on what they’ll deliver) and…
Ah. Recent posts. But those are going up top in the right from now on, aren’t they?
Further down the sidebar, we have BlogCatalog, which is okay, and From the Blogosphere, which doesn’t seem to add much value and probably doesn’t get a lot of clicks.
There are a couple of affiliate links, but they’re so far down that most people won’t click them. If you’re going to have them, put them somewhere up and visible so that people are more enticed to click. Down by the fourth post or so isn’t a great location.
The awards are kind of funny – no problem with those.
With a little bit of rearranging and a continued focus on being different but not tacky, you’ll do just fine. Move the RSS up so that it’s visible and above the fold, and move up the recent posts sections, too. You aren’t offering people anything but a good, entertaining read, so give them easy access to it.
“It’s not my fault your gun’s broken,” James retorted, ignoring the victim to argue his case. “I gave you the red one. You like red. Maybe it’s because you chose red.”
“Functionality has nothing to do with color,” Harry shot back, looking a lot less dry than James. “You know that by now.”
“Everyone knows blue is better,” the snort from the man said it all as James pulled the ropes a little tighter. “Mine worked just fine.” He gave the knot a last tug and then stepped back from the victim.
Tied and gagged. There wouldn’t be a sound.
“You’re just wet because you’re slow, old man,” James remarked casually, tossing him the blue water gun so he could pull out his Glock.
He lifted the gun in one smooth, fluid motion. “Bang,” he said flatly. “You’re dead.”
And the shot rang out loud and clear.
Want more? You got it. Check out our upcoming hit jobs:
May 18 – Technosyncrocity
May 25 – Book Club Classics
Want your blog shot down? Sign up in the comment section for your free drive-by, and we’ll schedule you in.
Or maybe you can’t wait. Maybe you like private affairs. Hire us for only 25$, and you get your private shoot-out within five days via email. It’s fast, it’s easy, and it’s dirt cheap.
Contact us. Come on. You know you want to.
29 Responses to “Drive-By-Shooting Sundays: The Chronicles of Rhodester”
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Harry,
Nice shooting, and an interesting subject. I do like his wide, fluid layout (surprise!), but when I went to the site and scrolled down, I felt like the individual posts could use some breaking up with subheads, and maybe a little more prominent titles?
It’s great that a personal site has had so much attention lavished on it already. It’s got a lot going for it. Nicely done for a traditionally-formatted blog.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..You Definitely Don’t Want to Know These 8 Random Things About Me
Water guns? Boys, you’ve lost your minds.
Thanks for turning me on to Rhodey’s blog – I’m laughing my probverbial ass off over here.
Bob Younce at the Writing Journey’s last blog post..The Student Becomes The Master
I would love to have my blog torn apart! http://www.MarketingArtfully.com.
Tara Jacobsen’s last blog post..Your Favorite Medium
Hey Harry, funny hit! I love the scenarios you guys come up with.
Ok here’s a question/comment I’d like to through out there I’ve been on the fence about. You mentioned
A couple facts I go by:
- Most new visitors to a website scan what’s above the fold in a web page first thing, even before they read the content.
- People what to know what this website is about immediately and why here.
- People tend to scan web pages in a F pattern
- Your content is the meat of the website and ultimately is what’s going to make the sale.
I assume the reason why you say to put the sidebar nav on the right is so people see your content first because of its importance (i.e. in contains your message).
However, knowing people scan down the left side of a page before the right, isn’t it logical to put a few links on the left that clearly state what this website is about and how it might be useful?
Take my site for example, I want people to know immediately we host websites, so I place those keywords on the left. I also show through my forum spotlight and blog spotlight (down the left) how this site can be useful to them as well as encouraging involvement.
As another example, what if you and James put a left sidebar on this site which clearly showed you guys design websites, graphics, content, etc. I bet a lot more people would understand better what it is you guys do.
Like I said, I’m on the fence. I see the benefits of having the nav on either side. For now though, mine rests on the left.
Thoughts?
@David Rhodes – cool/funny site. One thing I’d like to maybe add into the mix is there’s a lot of scrolling to do on the homepage. Have you considered breaking that up some?
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..How To Buy A House Like A Real Estate Investor: Part 4 – Getting Your Closing Costs Covered
@ John – There are two factors at play with left-sidebars.
One: People’s reading patterns. The eye does not scan down a page on the left. The eye tends to scan in an F pattern, from left to right then dropping down to move from left to right again, and so on. This tends to occur naturally.
With a sidebar on the left, the F pattern is broken. The eye now must drop, drop, drop, drop…
To have a stickier site, you give people something to read immediately that grasps their F-pattern tendency. Their eye will take in what is on the rest of the page, yes, but you’re gaining valuable seconds and keeping them on your site by presenting something to read in the pattern they are most comfortable with.
For a website, the sidebar is generally on the left. And this is good, because you want people to click through to the services – the goal is NOT to get them to read.
For a blog, the sidebar is generally on the right. And this is good because you want people to read and stay longer – the goal is not to present services or products.
While we are going to be doing something about presenting our services better by highlighting them in other ways, a left sidebar is not the way for us. Why? Because this is a blog first and a site second. Here, readers matter more.
We have an alternate site that is site first and that has no blog. The navigation for that is set up on the left.
Am I making sense or do I need more coffee?
@ Tara – You’re on, June 1st. Looking forward to it.
@ Bob – Rhodester is very funny. Follow him on Twitter.
@ Kelly – Yup, good points. Screen-reading is a must.
@ James – more coffee is always good early in the morning, but what you say makes perfect sense. The reason why people come to a blog is to “read” and therefore the content should be placed left.
In my head I wasn’t making the distinction between website and blog when I read that excerpt from Harry. Thanks for the clarification.
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..How To Buy A House Like A Real Estate Investor: Part 4 – Getting Your Closing Costs Covered
@ James – sorry, just thought of something I’d like yours and Harry’s opinion on. What’s your take on a site, like mine for example, where the company’s website is the primary focus of their business and then there’s the “ceo’s blog.”
Do you suggest for continuity purposes to keep the menu on the left so as to not confuse or do you suggest digging out that left menu and slapping it over there on the right side?
Or . . . for the blog, a completely different template. As you can see, I’ve chosen to keep the continuity but to be honest I’ve been considering using another template which will provide a little more room to advertise our services on my blog.
Thanks guys!
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..How To Buy A House Like A Real Estate Investor: Part 4 – Getting Your Closing Costs Covered
Okay guys, what can I say here? Thank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank you !!
..and I mean that.
Some good.. scratch that.. GREAT input, which will soon put changes into motion. I’ve been planning on tweaking (not as in snorting crystal meth, but as in making blog adjustments, GEEZ get your minds out of the GUTTER) and I’ve just been waiting on MWP input.
..so stay tuned, same RhodesTer time, same RhodesTer channel.
I have to go dry off now.
RhodesTer’s last blog post..HOT, ANGRY GOAT SEX
“Hot Angry Goat Sex”
Aim high my friends. You are right about this site having no clear focus or sense of purpose. It is, however, entertaining, which could be a purpose in itself. Also, he’s got monkeys, and as my friend Steve reminded me when I asked him why the hell he was going to see Speed Racer, “Monkeys are comedy gold!”
John Hewitt’s last blog post..Why PoeWar?
The Rhodester is funny and light reading, but not quite enough for me to subscribe. I mean, if there was a useful topic behind the clever and funny writing I would be more apt to let it add to my already-too-full feed reader. An overall, guiding topic of the site such as “Stuff to avoid” or “highlights of the finer things in life” might be enough to where I would say “hmmm….might have something useful to offer at some point, and he is pretty funny…I guess I’ll subscribe.”
Also, I wouldn’t mind a drive-by myself, if you’re up for it.
Some great critiques here. I may adopt some of them for my own blog. For a more direct hit I’d love a drive by for my own!
@ John – Good question. My personal opinion is that you should probably keep the left sidebar, because your blog is not your main focus. It’s an add-on service that you’re offering to your clients. Also, guide yourself by how you’re driving traffic. If you’re driving everyone to your main home page and they travel over to visit your blog, keep the sidebar left. If you’re driving everyone to your blog first and hoping they’ll pick up hosting second, then have the sidebar on the right.
You can move things around and change layouts – consistency doesn’t mean you’re stuck with one layout. But keep things that are similiar – your banner, the same fonts, the same background color… find ways to make the sites as consistent as possible even if they’re slightly different.
@ Rhodester – It was our pleasure. You have a really unique blog, which is cool as hell.
@ John – I think it’s worth reading this blog just because of the sharp wit and high levels of humor. I don’t see that happen often. I mean… shit, who’d think of Hot Angry Goat Sex as a title??
(wait. don’t answer that.)
@ Patrick – I agree. The only motivation to subscribe is that you’re curious or interested. I also like your idea of giving a purpose to the blog to boost that little bit of readership.
Your drive-by is scheduled for June 8, if that’s good for you.
@ Scott – Your drive-by is June 15, if that’s good for you.
Feel free to contact me via email if you want it faster.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Should You Specialize in Website Content?
Thanks for the detailed reply, James. I feel the same way and I don’t know if you have noticed, but when people click on my name when commenting on blogs it leads back to my home page, not my blog.
I appreciate the time for your answer. Now, I just need to convince this Realtor I’m chatting with in a forum that his site designed almost exclusively for search engines isn’t the way to go. But he can’t get over even though their conversion rate is low they still get a lot of leads because of site hits.
I think it’s a lost cause. Some people just won’t listen to sound advice like you find on this site here.
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..How To Buy A House Like A Real Estate Investor: Part 4 – Getting Your Closing Costs Covered
I have been a fan of Rhodester for quite a while, and love your Drive-By.
I’d love to put my neck on the block, but if you are bemused by Rhodester’s site, you’d be utterly confused by mine!!
Grandad’s last blog post..Reduce your carbon footprint by starving a family
YAY! I am getting roasted June 1! Thank you!!!!
Tara Jacobsen’s last blog post..Your Favorite Medium
@ Tara – LOL, being “roasted” is a little different than a Drive-By shooting.
But if you’d like to be roasted . . .
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..Tell Me About You
Tara,
Roasted! Ha!
I’m picturing Dean Martin, a nice dry martini, and an hour of not-necessarily politically correct laughter. I went to check out your blog, just because that comment cracked me up. Good luck at your roast.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Planning, Prepwork, & the Payoff
Same here. Because of the comment I had to go check ya out. Are you a Realtor? I’m an investor.
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..Tell Me About You
Go on then. Put me down for a Roasting or a Drive By or whatever you call it!!
Grandad’s last blog post..The Fastest Postman in the East
They’re gonna need better joke-writers if they’re going to do roasts. And better drinks.
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Planning, Prepwork, & the Payoff
Grandad,
Oh my goodness. As an Irish American who may be on your hit list re: wrecking our old home culture (hope you don’t mean all of us), I just laughed my head off at your site. I love your “God grant me…” and about a hundred other things. Irreverent times ten. Have fun getting roasted.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Planning, Prepwork, & the Payoff
I think I have scared them off?
Grandad’s last blog post..Underground Metrosexuals
@ Grandad – lol, no, no… takes far more than that to scare us. Other obligations keep us from responding. One of which is finding the proper drink to serve Kelly, a very fickle woman.
As for roasting, flame thrower drive-bys could get violently messy. We like projectile weapons.
So do I. I think we’ll get on very well.
Grandad’s last blog post..Underground Metrosexuals