17
Take the Heat or Get Out of the Kitchen
If you’re a blogger, you’re joining a community of people. You’ll develop fans and followers, and you’ll gain loyal readers steadily if you do all the right things.
A warning: you are joining a community of people.
Why is that important to state? Because these people – your readers – aren’t always going to like what you say. They may disagree. They may argue or debate points, or try to change your mind. They have opinions about your opinions. Those who enjoy blogs, reader and writers alike, speak up.
If you can’t take the heat, if you’re too sensitive to feedback or commentary, if you have a problem with getting offended, insulted or suffer knee-jerk reactions, then by god, turn your comment option off.
Don’t turn it off mid-stream.
That’s exactly what happened to me today. I’ve been watching a blog for a week or so called Web Writing Info, just skimming posts, debating whether what I read is even a little bit valuable. The blog promotes PLR, and I’m not for that type of business.
I worked for 9 months for a PLR guru, and the business I worked for produced upwards of 600 spin-ready articles a month. I learned a lot about the insider secrets about what goes on behind the scenes. My opinion – a strong one – is that PLR is not a good thing for writers or the Internet.
Well, today, I spoke up. I commented on a post about PLR resources, a very small debate ensued, and…
I was shut down. In fact, the whole thread was shut down for commenting.
Like the post title says… If you’re going to be a blogger, take the heat – or get out of the kitchen.
After-note: I wrote one statement in my comment: “PLR articles are frowned upon by almost all legitimate freelance writers.” I apologize. I know that the majority of freelance writers I network with frown upon PLR articles. I can’t speak for others.
Help spread the word!
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If a commenter comes across as haughty, vindictive or just looking for an argument (not a debate), I too would shut the comments down (on my personal blog). That’s why it’s MY blog. I don’t go for the heat/kitchen thing on my personal blog. It belongs to me.
Course, can’t say the same about blogs I WORK for. That’s the admins blog.
I don’t know the first thing about PLR, except that it makes money for some people. I don’t know if that’s enough for you (or even for me), but I know it’s enough for some people, and I don’t judge them for that. Allena worried about Allena’s writing. Period. ;0
Hey Allena,
I understand your point, but it’s also I point I find myself battling with on occasion. While we all like to hear the good stuff, do you just shut down a topic because you don’t like the way it’s going, or someone disagrees with you? You open a blog to the public, you take your chances. That’s the way life is. I’ve read the post in question and I know James wasn’t looking for a fight. Neither one of us works that way. It was a legitimate point of discussion and the owner of the blog, in my opinion, took it personally.
As for making money, that’s fine, but we’re not in this business for the almighty dollar alone. If everyone were out to make a buck, could you imagine what that would do for the quality of content and reputation of writers everywhere? I think James’ point was valid, if everyone decided to do PLR eventually the internet would be flooded with the same information all over the place. What good is that?
I probably would have done the same. The blog in question is there to give information, answer questions, etc. It’s not there for arguments. She responded several times, but the arguing continued. For some reason everyone thinks that if you are online you’re supposed to argue constantly. It gets old.
You have your opinion about PLR and others have theirs. I don’t have any problem with it, and I don’t think that it means a writer isn’t legitimate. You know, you do a lot of SEO writing, and there are a lot of writers who don’t consider that legitimate writing. I’m not one of them, since I do quite a lot of it myself, but it’s a valid opinion.
Oh, and I noticed that you can’t really post any comment you want here- the comments await moderation before they are posted. So, your comments are much less open to the public they are on most blogs. You don’t see that as a problem when you are complaining about someone else’s comments being open to the public? I find that very strange indeed.
Its a tough call. We had a hate commentor for a few days. Pretty mean stuff. Not very useful. We didn’t allow the comments to show. Peter sent them a “why do you hate me?” email and of all surprises they answered. And we responded. And they apologized. We now have a running email dialog with our hate commentor. They basically called our blog polyana because everyone usually agrees with us (its tough being wise, though they must not have been reading too carefully) and egotistical (a bit – we tend to project our success forward – its a strategy that has really helped us grow – belief goes a long way and words are very powerful). I’m hoping they will let us post the email thread eventually.
Disagreement is awesome. But we believe in polite discourse. No one learns anything when there are emotions flying everywhere.
Shane,
I think you came up with the point I was trying to make to James the other day and failed to find the words to express it: Keep emotions out of it. Sure, I’ve seen plenty of blogs that get me riled, but I’m aware that I’m an emotional creature and over the years I’ve learned when to recognize a knee jerk reaction in the making. That’s not to say you shouldn’t stand up for yourself when you feel the cause is just, but flying off the emotional handle at every turn isn’t good at all. Removing the emotional aspect to a certain degree helps to keep the conversation or debate civil.
I am a believer in freedom of speech, but I also believe if you have nothing positive to say about someone’s preference, you should not say anything. I am a well-paid freelance writer who happens to sell my own PLR articles and do considerably well at it right now. I think shutting down comments when it is going to distract from the original post is not only appropriate, but needed to protect your business.
If you do not like PLR articles, that again is your preference. If you think you know the inside secrets to PLR articles, have you been spying on me in my own living room? I am a small businesswoman who writes exceptional articles for sale. I research and only write truthful and researched articles. I believe that attacking someone’s business or ability to help others become successful is wrong. I am sure someone helped you become who you are or you would not be who you are today.
You should really find a new hobby rather than offering your opinion about PLR writers and a business that you have no part of. You do not know the secrets of her business nor mind. We are individual businesswomen who fend for ourselves.
One last comment that strikes my fancy is, why is Harry answering these comments and not James who needed to make such a disappointing post in the first place. Couldn’t he take the heat and had to get out of the kitchen?
Ahhh, turning up the heat now here, are we? Okay, not a problem. I live in the desert, I’m used to it.
@LS: Yes, blogs are for sharing information and not for arguments. However, what I saw was not arguing. I’ll say it again, in my opinion the owner of the blog in question took Jamie’s comments personally and chose to make it into an argument.
And yes, we do review the comments as they come in. This does not mean we censor what goes up. As you can see, your comments are here and we’re responding. I have had my own comments wait for approval on several blogs I’ve visited, it’s not unusual, nor do I get offended by it or see it as suspicious. When James returns, I’m sure he’ll want to elaborate, which leads me to the next comment…
@ Blondie: I’m answering because we have a responsibility to our readers we take very seriously. Would you rather your comment sat here? Would you rather have the impression we were avoiding you just to escape the heat? James is by no means ducking out or letting me take the heat for him. His mother is recovering from major surgery and certain things do take precedence over blogging. But Jamie refused to let the comments remain unanswered until he could return and asked me to respond. As his partner in this business, I work with him and pick up the work when he can’t and vice versa. I’m sure he’ll have a thing or two to say when he’s back online.
As for your comment regarding not knowing the “secrets†of PLR, well, I’ve been there, done that and I did it well. Have you been spying on me? I also do my share of research and try to provide a unique spin on topics that have been rehashed a million times already.
Even without PLR, there’s a lot of repetition on the internet. We’re all looking for information with the same keywords in our searches and coming up with the same results. I’m sure you write exceptional articles, but you’re missing the point. Constantly spinning articles is going to lead to a glut of the same information everywhere you look. You can only say so much on a topic before you stop being original no matter how hard you try.
PS: Just a small note, when someone new has posted and has been approved once, the comments are no longer subject to pre-approval. Our main purpose for letting comments go for moderation is to help keep out spammers. Despite all the anti-spam programs we have on our blog, some do get through. Hackers are smart and it’s only a matter of time before they figure out a new way around security.
He commented that PLR was viewed as NOT legitimate. How could that NOT be taken personally by someone who makes a living doing PLR????
Saying something is not legitimate isn’t a “debate” or even as “argument” but is a sweeping judgement.
Many people think SEO is not legitimate, but I know a while lotta people who make a living out of it. Aren’t you one of them? What if I came on here and made a sweeping statement that what you are doing is not legitimate? Wouldn’t you want to moderate me a bit for the sake of your business?
“While we all like to hear the good stuff, do you just shut down a topic because you don’t like the way it’s going, or someone disagrees with you?”
In answer to your question: I might, if it would negatively influence my customers. If I’m trying to sell something and you’re saying it ain’t good- and it’s MY personal blog- heck yeah.
I think you are attempting to put this set of rules on Blogdom in general, and I understand that these “rules” are based on about 90% of what happens in Blogdom– BUT there are some blogs that are more marketing platforms. I’m sure you know that.
So the admins job is to get rid of anything negative about the product.
Which I gather is what happened!
@Allena:
If you were to make a sweeping comment I wouldn’t have moderated it. I would have stated my opinion, defended my side of it and attempted to see your point of view. Other people would throw in their two cents as well. The thread would have run it’s course and eventually ended.
When you open a blog to the general public, you risk a negative influence. Don’t you think that’s happening on this blog right here at this very moment? Are we ditching the topic to try to hide any of it? No. It’s remaining open.
From my POV, just shutting down a topic with no warning is a little childish. It’s like saying if you’re not going to play the way I want you to, I’m taking my toys and going home. It’s jarring to everyone involved and leaves behind nothing but animosity. The best you can do in a case like that (or in this one) is agree to disagree and stop feeding the fire.
Wow, lots of comments. Let’s see if I can tackle them all. If I miss anyone, feel free to poke me.
@ LS – Define “arguing”.
@ LS #2 – We moderate first comments by new readers on this board to help cut down on the heavy amount of spam we receive. Blog moderation of first posts by new readers is pretty common and not exclusive to this blog. We post comments whether they are in our favor or not, and we answer all comments.
@ Blondie. I wasn’t attacking – at least, I wasn’t trying to come off that way. I was mentioning that there are better ways to increase perception of writers, rates, and have a better life, and I was suggesting that the person explore them. A happy world where everyone agrees all the time doesn’t exist.
@ Blondie #2 – I’m a big boy and don’t need Harry to defend me. However, Harry owns half this blog and has a whole brain. He also has his opinions, and he is free to share them (even if I don’t always agree with him).
I also apologize you had to wait a few hours for a personal reply from moi(I’m flattered
) but yeah, Moms come first.
@ Allena – I do not write PLR for a living. I said that I had in the past.
@ Allena #2 – Your comment about “if it hurts my business, shut it down” is one I understand. However, if someone complained about our products or services publicly, I’d probably resolve the issues publicly as well to help show we’re good guys. Public problem-solving is a better solution than sweeping the matter under the rug (we aren’t politicians or government, after all. No need to hide.) Lastly, I don’t *think* I was saying anyone provided bad services.
@ Shane – Yes. All the way. Hateful, hurtful statements should be dealt with off the boards if possible. I love how you’re working through it to a positive resolution and are looking forward to actually posting the discourse. That’s awesome.
To all: I agree that disagreement involves manners. I never crossed that line, and wouldn’t. I do live by “add to the thread or don’t post”.
However, let’s get back on track. The point of this post isn’t to discuss PLR, it’s to discuss whether you believe people should deal with blog comments in the open or shut them down.
Look at it this way: If I write about milk cows and farmer B disagrees with the hour of milking, am I going to shut them out? Ignore them? If someone feels my cows should be fed oats, not corn, shall I boot them off my blog?
Hell no. We’re all cow farmers in the end. I’ll sit down, crack open two beers, pass one to farmer B, and say, “Yeah? So tell me why I should milk my cows at four and feed them oats. You may have something there. You may not. Let’s talk, figure it out, and drink down this six-pack while we do.”
That’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to discuss the topic. I would’ve listened to opposing views. Might not have agreed, but hey. They shut me down. Now how’s that good for anything? Where does that get anyone?
I think you have a right to know they’re talking about you at WAHM which is why everyone is coming out of the woodwork to attack you.
http://www.wahm.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=487458
Thank you, I appreciate the heads up. I’ve read the posts and will post myself to allow people to discuss the situation with me directly. I feel there is a lot of misunderstanding going on.
Also, I’ve obviously offended many individuals, and that wasn’t my intent. After reading the comments on the forum, I see why I offended people. I’ll do my best to rectify the situation. At worst, I’ll let people have a chance to tell me what they think of me. It’s all good.
Thanks again.
it’s all good, cause what do your traffic stats look like now? And how many more RSS do you have?
and to the anon, you’re comment is so much better than what’s up at WAHM, huh?
*your
@Anon: Thanks for the heads up, it was an interesting read. *shakes head* And here I was thinking I left high school behind 25 years ago.
@ Allena – All discussion is good, whether it’s in my favor or questioning/debating something I wrote. I welcome debate and discussion, and I feel something good can be taken away from every situation.
@ readers – I’ve replied over at WAHM. For transparency’s sake, I’ll post the comment I made at the forum here. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, good or bad.
First of all, I’d like to thank the person who advised me of the discussions going on at this forum. I appreciate that, as matters are always best resolved when people speak face to face and look to solutions.
Secondly, I’ve obviously offended many individuals, and for that, I’d like to publicly apologize. I commented on Courtney’s blog not to create upset or to instigate a debate, but rather to discuss the pros and cons and possibly open up thoughts to a different way of earning money as a writer. I wanted to share what I’ve seen on the Internet – that many writers oppose PLR – but it wasn’t my intention to pass judgment on anyone’s writing talents, quality of work, or abilities.
I worded my comment poorly and in a strong tone of voice. Again, my words weren’t chosen to attack, but more to say, “There is a different way, and what I feel is a better way.”
The blog that I posted regarding taking the heat was one oriented at all bloggers, and I only used the situation at Courtney’s blog as an example. I did provide a live link to allow readers to go see and view, to let them form their own opinions, to agree or disagree with my statements. I didn’t expect any reader to take my side over Courtney’s. It was for debate, discussion, and interaction, pure and simple.
Comments are important to blogs, good or bad. From every bad or negative comment, there are good things to learn. There is always a positive resolution and often, a disagreement ends up teaching others something new in turn. That was the intention of my post – to be ready and prepared to receive negative comments and to deal with them for a better blog overall.
Regarding comment moderation: We receive an enormous amount of spam on our blog. Moderation is on to help nab those who spam about Asian porn, etc. All comments – good or bad – that come from actual readers and not spammers are immediately approved. They are not censored either, as some propagated on these boards.
For those who called me jerk, dumb@ass, et al… that really isn’t called for. Because I disagreed or shared my views does not make me a jerk. Because I made a mistake and chose poor wording does not make me a dumb@ass.
Lastly, please note that I think conspiracies to harm another person’s blog, readership and credibility are in very poor taste. Deliberately going out of one’s way to cause harm to others is a dangerous game to play. I don’t subscribe to that school of thought. Resolution comes through discussion and talking, not through burning someone else’s house down.
On the same thread of thought, Courtney, I apologize personally for potentially jeopardizing your blog’s credibility through inadvertent comments. I did not seek to deliberately do so, and that was never my intention. I hope that you achieve good success with your blog.
For those who feel my blog offers nothing of value, I’m quite sorry you feel that way.
A special thank you to Deb Ng for seeing my point of view and giving an objective opinion of the situation. You hit the nail on the head of my intentions in commenting there, and I appreciate your attempts to defuse the situation.
The end.
One point: Conspiracies to destroy credibility at other people’s blogs are never a recommended course of action or a path I choose to take.
re: the WAHM thread…I didn’t come here first when I read about the controversy there because I simply took the OP at her word. While her word is definitely still valid (and her feelings are her own & also valid), after reading her blog & this one, I have to say I feel badly for thinking ill of James. The wording in his original comment was really not that bad; while I understand it was taken personally, IMO, it wasn’t overly harsh. It was simply his opinion, as we all have them. I still support Courtney for feeling how she feels, but I just wanted to apologize for jumping the gun & making assumptions about James & his blog.
Thank you, and no apology necessary. We all defend those we know much more quickly than those we don’t. Human nature. It is good, though, to take decisions after looking at all sides of the situation and taking everything into account – even if the result doesn’t lie in my favor. Informed choices are best.
I’m so sorry this turned out to be such a negative experience. I cringed when I read the thread at WAHM and that’s why I sent you the link. I felt it was hypocritical for the WAHMs to complain about your comment not being all pleasant and cheery, and then they all come over here and insult and call you names (and hurriedly delete the name calling and insults once you learned about the post there) and really gang up on you. How dare you disagree!!!!
I lost respect for many of the WAHM women because they really did behave as if they were in high school. I’m longer going to participate at that forum. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it. They can get downright mean if someone doesn’t do things the way they do.
It’s kind of silly to accept comments but turn off commenting at the first opposing point of view. It’s idiotic to accept comments and then say “well that’s not what I want.” You’re missing the spirit and point of blogging. Darren Rowse, John Chow, Deb Ng, Chris Garrett, Jeremy Shoemaker, Dosh Dosh, and the rest of the problogging gang all have big traffic numbers because they know what it’s about. They’re tolerant and accepting of their visitors even the ones who aren’t all “Oh I so totally agree and you’re so brilliant.”
One thing true bloggers would never do is allow attacks on other blogs. Maybe Courtney didn’t tell everyone to visit you and say mean things but by thanking everyone for their support and telling them how great they are after learning they all came here on a rampage, she sure as hell encouraged it. She’s the one who owes an apology, not you.
I don’t know why this incident stuck in my craw so much. Maybe it’s because the snottiness of the women on the WAHM board and their acceptance to blindly accept any job that pays no matter how demeaning is starting to get to me.
I think you have a very good blog here and I’ll be back more for sure.
Melissa McCann
Cherry Hill, New Jersey
(no cute anonymous names here.)
Melissa,
Thank you. It takes as much guts for you to come here and write that as it took for me to offer myself to the fray at WAHM.
You did the right thing by telling me this morning, and I appreciate it. I tried to make things better, and maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, but… at least I got a chance to try.
Thank you for your support. That means a lot to me. I may have a spike in traffic because of the incident, but if it all goes away and I have only one reader that stays, I’m glad it’s you.
Melissa,
What you did took courage and I applaud it. Thank you for your support and actually taking the time to see both sides of the story. I may just have to frame your comment and hang it over my desk.
And you’re from Cherry Hill too! That rocks. I went to school at the University of Arts right across the river in Philly. Small world, huh?
Glad to have you here.
Thank you both for your welcome. Go Flyers!
@Miss Melissa McCann “anonymous for this”.
Re:WAHM is like High School: Pot, Meet Kettle.
@ Harry: ‘Courageous’: Valiant or brave. (????)
Play nice, Allena. This isn’t WAHM. Add to the conversation, discuss it, disagree with it, but don’t start slamming other posters.
@ Harry – I think you meant both valiant and brave, didn’t you?
Yup, that’s exactly what I meant.
Harry accused me of editing my posts and being caught at it, which I didn’t understand until I came here. I added a sentence to the end of one post, just because it struck me as funny. I never changed anything that I wrote. Apparently Harry is accusing me of calling him names? Is that correct? I never called anyone a name on that thread and never changed a word except to add one short sentence. I think it would have been nice to ask if it was me who had done that before saying such nasty things and accusing someone of wrongdoing. I’ve never done anything like that. Occasionally I’ll catch a type and correct it, but I have never gone back and changed what I’ve said, erased my comments or any of that.
Sorry, it was not Harry, it was James. If this was WAHM I would be able to correct it quickly. I don’t think there’s a person alive who hasn’t had to correct a typo.
I’ve avoided this thread because I just kind of wanted to forget about the whole experience. I just wanted to say that if you see my post on Wahm.com, I did not encourage, condone or support any comments made on this blog about the situation. I asked for advice about whether I had done the right thing in closing the comments.
Any “conspiracy” accusations are entirely unfounded. I did not agree with some of the comments made on that particular thread, and definitely did not with ones made in the comments section of this blog.
@ LS/Hope from WAHM: *sigh* No, I didn’t accuse you of name-calling. Sheesh. Relax, lady, would you?
Regarding editing comments and posts after they have been viewed: Create a new post to correct your statement or add to it, but leave the original alone – it’s poor form to do otherwise.
And no – our blog doesn’t allow people to “correct” their comments to suit their needs. Sorry about that. Better luck over at WAHM.
I have no idea what you’re talking about regarding Harry or myself accusing you of name calling – we really don’t care about that kind of shit, it’s childish. I did say that being called a dumbass and a jerk (amongst other choice words) on WAHM wasn’t called for. Maturity, people. Please.
@ Courtney: You didn’t instigate any conspiracy to harm our blog. Others did. You’re not at fault in this or to blame. You asked for advice, the others sounded out – loudly and with swords raised and swirling. That’s great; I hope I have friends that feel so strongly for my situation as well (and I told you as much on WAHM.)
Honestly, it’s been a long, hard, stupid day for both of us. I’ve been dragged through the mud and back, and I think you’ve had your heart stomped on a couple of times. I’ve apologized the best way I know how and tried to make amends for a couple of stupid words. Publicly. Not many people in life have the integrity to admit they are wrong – I did. I’ve already said a few times that I’m sorry I upset you. I hope that in a couple of years (or sooner), we’ll look back on this and laugh together. Feel free to get in touch with me personally if you want to talk it over a bit more.
For the people who are just trying to drag out the drama and explode the situation, give it up, okay? You’re hurting people, and I’m not one of them. Frankly, I’m old enough not to give too much of a damn what people think of me, I’m smart enough to know that I’m a good person with good values, integrity and something to offer…and I’m wise enough to know when to call it a day.
I’m callin’ it now. I’m done here.
“Play nice, Allena. This isn’t WAHM. Add to the conversation, discuss it, disagree with it, but don’t start slamming other posters.”
Oh, by slamming, do you mean not saying “this is so high school”? Or did you mean the part where you call someones way of life and putting bread on the table “illegitimate”?
And by saying this isn’t WAHM- do you mean the part where you’re lacking a community of people who have known each other for a loooong time?
Or the part where you’re lacking a community of people who stand up for each other and know each other outside of the walls of one website.
And by courageous- um, are you talking about the part where someone feels the need to “tell on” a community discussion, or the part where that same someone says she’s not hiding behind names, but doesn’t link to anyone of her own online community?
Just clarifying. Or “discussing.” ;}
Look, you outright called me nasty names and accused me of some kind of wrongdoing. And you think that’s somehow my fault? You should have admitted it and apologized. That was your wrongdoing, not mine. You obviously have a lot of growing up to do, but that’s not my problem. Don’t worry about my catching you in more lies or defending myself against more of your cowardly attacks. You’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time and I won’t be back here again.
As I just wrote James personally, I am sorry for turning the comments off and for any harsh words that I used on the Wahm.com forum. I gained a new perspective on blogging as a community, rather than just individual soapboxes. It was with that previous understanding that I turned the comments off, because I saw my blog as a teaching tool from my perspective.
If I could rewind to last week and avoid this nasty mess, I definitely would.
And honestly Melissa…I do agree with you on a lot of what you’ve said about that particular forum.
@Allena:
Quite frankly, I don’t know why it should rankle you if James actually does think the type of work you do lack legitimacy, or is bad for the industry. You’ve made your decision quite clear, in working your field. But the shrill defensiveness with which you’ve reacted to the situation only seems to suggest that perhaps you aren’t so certain that you do good work. It smacks of something quite apart from integrity. Who believes strongly in what they do and then behaves that way?
And of course it will seem like I’m insinuating that your work does in fact lack value, so I want to state clearly that that’s not the case. I’m a complete outsider, and I don’t claim to know much about the benefits of PLR, and who reaps them. I just happened to stumble across this (by way of IttyBiz), and your behavior in this thread has been so venomous and petty that I had to say something. So, to clarify: I am not being critical of your work. I am being critical of you, yourself.
Chris, there’s a REASON you don’t understand my criticism and attitude in this thread:
1) You have no clue as to the (long) history and friendships of some of the players involved.
2) The fact that you are missing so very much of this thread (ie I personally don’t do PLR or even KNOW what it is, this thread has never been about my work, and I never defended PLR) means that you have hardly read, or that you have a problem reading, or that you have a comperehension problem.
It’s laughable that you criticize one player in this hot mess, based on a “stumble” when you obviously are clueless as to this whole hot mess.
Perhaps you should kindly stumble back out. Or at least, have someone else read it to you next time you want to get involved.
@Chris: Hookt on fonix werkt fer me!
@Alena: So now your the one doing and defending PLR? And you believe so strongly about your work in PLR? Funny! You’re busy girl!
To clarify Chris, since I see my comment is “awaiting moderation”:
You really do need to read better. Alena isn’t the PLR person.
And having to get your pokes in cause you “saw this at itty biz” is pretty childish, venomous, bad reader, whatever, and makes you look bad, since you didn’t “get” a lot of the thread.
Try reading slower next time.
Alright, folks, time for me to instigate some “play nice” social manner rules, because it seems a few people have forgotten them.
When posting comments, add to the discussion or don’t post. Baiting people is not considered adding to the discussion. Agree, disagree or debate. Don’t bitchfest.
When posting comments, be polite to other readers. Name-calling isn’t accepted here. It’s childish and petty. There are other ways to discuss matters you feel strongly about without crossing the line of disrespect.
@ Allena – You have been warned to play nice once. This is your second warning. There will not be a third and your IP will be blocked from posting here if this continues.
@ WorkingMama – This is your first warning. Play nice.
Wow James. If ever anyone had a reason to close comments, it’s you. The behavior of many of my fellow WAHMs is embarrassing. People, you’re grownups. Really, I can’t believe this is the type of example you wish to set for your children. What is this, Digg?
I owe an apology. James, I felt that you deserved to know you were being talked about at WAHM. I don’t think it’s fair for you to be attacked without being able to defend yourself. I’m so sorry this opened the floodgates for a lot of immaturity. I don’t know what it is about that particular community that spawns such pettiness, but it happens a lot. I should have known this was going to happen. It’s one of the reasons I prefer participating in blogs, not forums.
Go to the big blogs, the ones with the most comments and what do you see? An entire community being helpful. Even the ones who disagree are doing so in a kind manner. Once again I’m sorry. I didn’t expect this whole can of worms. Or rather I should have known better.
This is getting ridiculous. If you think you’re helping the situation, or “defending me” in any way….please don’t. I don’t need defense. And James definitely doesn’t deserve to be berated. James and I have made peace…please just move on and get some writing work done.
Don’t apologize. You did the right thing. That’s what’s important, even though the results of sharing that “right thing” might make a mess.
Plenty of good things came from this. I learned a few things (probably not the lessons many people wanted me to learn, either!), I made some new friends, I’ve gained a few readers, and I’ve found support where I least expected it.
I’ve been really surprised at the whole effect of the situation. It’s been an experience for sure, and all experiences are good for learning – not an experience I’d like to repeat, mind you, but hey.
I appreciated knowing what was going on. In Quebec, where I’m from, people are very, very direct, straightforward and blunt. If you have a problem, you take it up with the person. No one else gets involved. We all believe every person can take care of themselves and that’s how things work.
Basically, you acted like a Quebecois.
It’s a good thing. No apologies.
Interesting takes at Itty Biz:
http://ittybiz.com/moral-of-the-story-psycho-blogger-edition-with-bonus/#comment-590
LOL at “you’re all adults here people: from the person that was the catalyst here.
Here’s the two places where this post turned (if anyone is still following, I came over from IB):
“From my POV, just shutting down a topic with no warning is a little childish.”
and then also here:
“I think you have a right to know they’re talking about you at WAHM which is why everyone is coming out of the woodwork to attack you.”
Prior to that, it was a great, interesting discussion and very informative! Thanks!
PS_ @blog owner. I’m noticing you’re being a little selective at whom you’re telling to play nice. If I’m reading correctly, a “Melissa MCann” started the namecalling with words like “snotty” and “nastiness” days ago. No warnings there. Is it cause she’s a supporter? Interesting.
@ Kimberly – No, we’re not being selective. Prior to this fiasco of a molehill turned mountain and set on fire to blaze through the night, we had no commenting policy at all and everything ran smoothly.
By the time commentators started ripping into each other, we were sitting here blinking at the monitors thinking, “Oh crap. Now what do we do?”
When we felt the situation was getting out of hand, we tried to handle it as best possible. We were exhausted and tired and fed up. We decided on some social rules and implemented them for the situation at the current moment.
Backtracking in time wasn’t being selective – it just didn’t seem logical – do you punish a person for something they did six months ago? Or do you deal with the here and now and move forward?
I’m not going to read back over the comments to pick apart everything, analyze and examine them.
Note there is a difference between saying, “This is childish,” and saying, “You are a bad reader.” There is also a difference between attacking a person’s behavior and attacking the person. I don’t like “you” statements. I prefer “I think statements” all the way.
Here’s a solution: Everyone who commented in this thread that doesn’t already have a warning has now been warned.
I’m going back to work now.
I think in retrospect my response was immature as well. I did call names and perhaps shouldn’t have done that. I apologize again. Kimberly is right, I can’t call people high school and call names myself.
Want a really great laugh? The WAHMS made up a fake post from me here:
http://www.wahm.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=489551
I’m not going to respond as I think it’s just silly, but the Meissa Mc post is not me. I’m done with this. Thanks James. I’ll still come back and comment on your blog but it will be about writing.
Oh. My. God. I just wrote the owner of Wahm.com a note and reported that post. As if I wasn’t ready to wash my hands of that group. Sheesh.
Melissa, if I had been in your position, I would have reported the thread too. You have nothing to be a ashamed about in the least bit.