I wonder what bad choices led to his homeless existence? Are we all a few bad moves from the gutter. Yes, if the moves are particularly bad. Along the lines of “Cocaine? Don’t worry, I can handle it.”

Joe

Believe it or not, not every homeless person wants help or accepts help willingly. Some of them can react violently if you offer help to them that they don’t want. Being homeless doesn’t automatically mean you don’t have pride (even if they are searching through garbage, they can still have an entirely unknowable inner code of conduct that they don’t appreciate being breached.)

So it’s perfectly understandable that James was concerned about offending the man. You have to understand something about writers too — writers write about events — they aren’t trying to make themselves feel better, they are reporting something about life that strikes them, even if it exposes some bit of lack in themselves.

I get approached routinely by homeless people asking for handouts. I almost always tell them I don’t have any cash, although occasionally if they hit me on the right day and I have a spare dollar loose in my pocket (I’d never take out my wallet) I give them something. I always feel guilty when I deny somebody — especially a young person, worried that I may have just pushed them a step closer to turning a trick to get their next buck. But I can’t assume responsibility for all the homeless that approach me.

But one time I did help somebody — he was sitting on the curb on a cold windy day that threatened snow, with a sign that said “will work for food or money” and he looked so resigned to the cold day ahead. I made a detour into the coffee shop right there, and bought him a hot sandwich and the biggest coffee they had. I walked up to him, said “can you finish these for me?” and handed them to him. He scrambled to his feet and took them graciously, almost shyly and with thanks, then he scuttled around the corner. I felt both happy and sad, and it was a rare moment of grace. If his sign hadn’t said WILL WORK, I wouldn’t have bothered with him.

Don’t get sentimental and think it always works like that. For that one good experience I’ve had way too many scary encounters with a homeless person trying to get something from me.

I’m in India and there are far more people on the streets here wanting handouts and who happily accept whatever you give them, there’s no question of anyone growling at you or being offended. But James I perfectly empathise with the way you responded. This is what happened to me on my only trip to the US about four years back.

I’d come to to New York City on an eight day trip and I’d gone to Coney Island when my conference got over. I stopped for lunch at a Chinese restaurant and across the road from where I sat I saw an old man, bent over, pushing a shoping trolley filled with what looked like his worldly belongings and he was rummaging through garbage. I ordered some extra Chinese takeaway and after I’d finished walked across to him and said “Excuse me would you like some lunch and proferred him the box.” He turned and snapped at me like I had offended him. I was shocked and confused because I had not encountered anything like this in India.

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I was going home from the job and a lady on the street asked me for a cigarette. I said “No I don’t have any.” She then jumped straight from asking for a mere cigarette to asking, “Do you have a hundred dollars?”

I shook my head and continued on home.

I always hesitate when strangers ask me for something.
I always wonder with the homeless people, are they really homeless?Because I have heard news stories about millionaires asking for money out on the street. I also understand that some people are really truly homeless or unfortunate too or just are perhaps intoxicated as I’ve had intoxicated people yell at me for something or other.

Another thing that worries me is if I say “no,” will I get stabbed or shot to death?

This was a news story that happened somewhere awhile ago (forgot where) but someone asked someone for money and the person who said “no” got stabbed and robbed for a mere $5.00.

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Sorry you got all the flack man. It was undeserved.

Richard

PS. If you want to read my story you can find it here. http://www.xanga.com/InnerJoy/646074895/item.html

PPS. Yes, I know, I know. Xanga and all that. -grin

OMG, I had an eerily similiar situation many years ago. I have to write about it now! Wow, I did the same thing – drove away, not giving money to a distraught woman who startled me by banging on my car window (passenger side). It was pouring out and she was crying frantically. But I didn’t give her any money.

And it haunted me ever since. You inspired me to write my post. I gotta go now and write it while it burns fresh in my mind!

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In short, I am not accustomed to giving strangers money and my imagination came up with all sorts of potential scenarios as a reaction.

What experience led to the conclusion that a man searching through trash would be offended? Media, probably – I’ve seen plenty of movies where homeless people are portrayed as crusty, crabby and not quite sane. Preconceived notions, certainly, after watching another homeless lady in town scream at people on the street for no reason, beat telephone poles with her stick and threaten passersby in cars.

I agree with you that I don’t need to justify myself to anyone, and that it’s okay. I don’t mind answering comments in the least. But I don’t have to beat myself up or heap myself with guilty or beg for anyone’s forgiveness or explain a thing. I wrote a story about an experience and my thoughts surrounding it. No more, no less.