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Twitterranting: On Ego Pedestals and Auto Following
If you have something important to say, do you say it? Or do you discuss it? Who do you talk about it with?
These questions came to mind recently as I watched people on Twitter use the social media tool as some personal soapbox to talk out at the world.
Note that I said talk out, not talk with.
What’s Your Thing?
Granted, we all use social media in the ways that feel comfortable to us. I use Twitter as my local hangout. I talk to people because I want to get to know them better, or because I find them funny or interesting. I want to socialize and rub shoulders.
I want to chat, have some fun, and make friends. Almost every morning, I hop onto TweetDeck and open up the airwaves to socialize with whoever feels up to it at the time. That’s my thing, and that’s the way I enjoy using Twitter.
Of course, I also promote my business, demonstrate my expertise, and gain some notoriety, sure – but I don’t make a mission of self-promotion. Yet, so many others do.
I see many others use the social media tool as their egotistical pedestal. They tweet self-important words of wisdom. They don’t answer replies; they don’t discuss.
These people never seem to speak with others – but interestingly, they always seem to be talking. They listen to the sound of their own voice and love it.
Sorry, that’s just not for me.
Follow You, Follow Me?
Another perception I find irritating is that some Twitter users put strings on the ‘follow’ feature. They feel that if they follow you, you should automatically follow back as a courtesy.
I don’t get it. There are almost 1,000 people following me. If I followed them all, their voices and conversations would become nothing more to me than white noise, the tuned-out thunder of voices in a noisy bar.
Why would I want to start tuning people out?
I don’t. If I’m going to follow people, I want to be able to stay involved in their conversation and pay attention to what they say. I can’t feasibly manage the conversations of 1,000 people at once, so I have to make some choices.
“Why should I follow you if you won’t follow me, James?” That question was posed recently, and it’s… well, a little silly, if you ask me. Why should I justify following me? Follow if you like. Don’t if you can’t find your own reasons for doing so.
If you follow me just to get me to follow you back, then that isn’t about conversation. That’s about collecting names.
I’m there to talk with people who want to talk with me. The @menwithpens door is open any time, and I always do my best to reply and engage in conversation with anyone who taps me on the shoulder.
All it takes is a few exchanges over a few days before I start to look forward to more conversation.
“It’s a mixed message, James. If you follow, you’re showing you’re open to conversation.”
That’s ridiculous. I’m on social media, and I’m present and chattering away. It’s a given that I’m open to conversation, no? Maybe I can’t listen to 1,000 people and follow all the tweets, but I sure can have direct one-on-ones with plenty of people.
After all, I am the Comment King.
So here’s the thing:
If you just sit there and tweet your numbers or your oh-so-wise words of wisdom but never talk to people unless they talk to you, you’re gone. I have better things to do than watch you love the sound of your own voice.
If I reach out to you and @ your name [Edit: a few times] and you don’t respond [Edit: ever], I really see no point in continuing to follow you. You aren’t using Twitter to have conversations; you’re using it to talk out. You’re gone too. I see no reason to keep talking to someone who ignores me.
If you follow me and get bent out of shape because I don’t automatically follow back, then there’s not much I can do about that. It’s a YOU problem, not a ME problem, and I consider you introspect why you feel upset when you can’t control the actions of others. Also, I don’t like friendships that come with strings.
If you want me to justify why you should listen to me, you’re barking up the wrong tree. You either want to listen because you find it beneficial or entertaining, or you don’t. Besides, I don’t want people to listen to me. I want people to talk with. Big difference, folks.
Someone on Twitter told me, “You want conversation but you want it on your terms.” I had to think about that for a minute before deciding that she was right. I choose to use Twitter for my personal benefit. I have flexible terms, but I’m not there to please anyone but myself, really, and the day it stops being fun altogether, I’m out of there.
Your turn. Let’s open up the comment section. Think I’m wrong? Think I’m right? Share. How do you use Twitter? What do you do with it? What are your opinions, pet peeves, and views?
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Social Hookups
I’m new to twitter and the first thing I did was look up all the peoples blogs that I drop by and some of the rss feeds I follow. I figured it was a cool way to learn more from the people that had gotten me to the point I’m at and discover new resources and mentors that I didn’t know about.
All was good in the hood. Then like a few others mentioned, the noise washed out the people I really wanted to keep track of and I didn’t know what to do. Was it rude not to follow everyone? I was new. What was the etiquette?
I’m glad I ran into your post James. Straight from the hip. Looking forward to reading more around here.
Raymond Burton´s last blog post…Law Of Attraction Carnival
@James: I’d certainly be up for starting an IRC channel. The downside is that the technical barriers to entry for running, managing, and even joining an IRC channel are much higher than with Twitter/GTalk etc, hence their use mostly amongst programmers and gamers.
There are some great alternatives that you can run on your own server, though, like http://yurivish.com/yshout/ (demo: http://lumichat.com/yshout5/example/ )
Nick Cernis´s last blog post…Deliver Us From Workplace Woodchip
I think people who talk out don’t get the main principle behind social media – it’s social, ie interactive.
That being said, there are some Twitter accounts that aren’t meant to be a conversation – like the tips that Unclutterer sends out (of course I can’t find the Twitter account for it at the moment), but everyone who follows that account knows what it’s for.
As long as you’re clear with your intentions (like Noami not allowing blog comments anymore) then I’ll support you as you do it.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s last blog post…What’s the Big Picture? Don’t lose yourself in details
James,
Silly dear, this is your MWP chatroom. That’s what makes this place so brilliant. Speaking as someone who did chat from the early 90s—who cares what the architecture is behind it, or what you name it? It all happens here, daily.
A rose by any other name…
Kelly´s last blog post…Why You Should Create a Tribal Language
I believe the UK government is also investigating banning the use of mobile phones while driving. Last I heard they were investigating the legalities of gaining access to your phone records if you’re pulled over for whatever reason.
I wish I could find the report as it also mentioned some MP’s wanting to ban the radio…
Marc – Welsh Scribe´s last blog post…One Skill You Absolutely Must Have To Succeed As a Freelancer
Actually, James I was NOT referring to you. You’ve conversed with every tweet I ever sent ya and it’s obvious to me even when I’m lurking that you are chattin’ it up and having fun.
I’m more referring to the bombers that drop a single tweet and then never respond back.
And might I say, “Wow!” This is quite the discussion going on!
George
Tumblemoose´s last blog post…A guest post over at Mary Anne’s place
@Kelly
Truly, we are all ONE big social networking community here. I can just FEEL the love!
(*sob*).
’scuse me, I’m just getting emotional over here.
(But you make a good point…this comment page isn’t really that different from Twitter..and it’s more personal).
Friar´s last blog post…An Open Letter to Lucky Charms Cereal
Friar,
And the chat is directed. Every couple of days, MWP start folks off in a direction…
… and the commenters do what they want.
There are some blogs that sparkle like this, but not many. When you find one, you hang on to it. IMO starting something else, somewhere else, would only siphon off the good juices that flow right here.
Later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post…Why You Should Create a Tribal Language
What always boggles me about our comment section is:
We never (or very rarely) get those “good post!” cheapos you see on SO many other sites.
We get brand new people come in to comment, and other commentators will talk and discuss with them. Very welcoming.
Our comment section has never had one comment moderated or removed. Ever. (We did hand out one warning once).
We have real people talking and chatting away about all sorts of things, and that’s fine, and they like it. (I think?)
We have grown adults come here to play, tease, chat, laugh, share very personal stories and all sorts of stuff just because they feel comfortable.
I see very few other sites out there that have this natural harmony going on.
‘Zactly.
Kelly´s last blog post…Why You Should Create a Tribal Language
What James just said was very true.
Whenever it has gone that way here, or on my blog (or Kelly’s blog, or Amy’s blog, or wherever) – those are the days you know that all is good.
When you can disappear for a few hours, then come back and the conversation has carried on without you and gone where no blog has gone before, you know it is a good thing.
Brett Legree´s last blog post…viking mondays? courage.
@Brett: Men with Pens – The Final Frontier! Live long and prosper.
Good post!
Friar´s last blog post…An Open Letter to Lucky Charms Cereal
Tried Twitter. Seems like a waste of time. I read where some people “tweet” 50 times a day (e.g., Guy Kawasaki — formerly of Apple). Nobody — and I mean nobody — is that interesting.
Jim Koscs´s last blog post…The Truth About (“Blandâ€) Cars
If you don’t want to get the new follower confirmation emails, you can turn them off at twitter.com -> Settings -> Notices. You can also turn off Direct Message emails, which I did when I started getting all those annoying auto-DMs.
“You want conversation but you want it on your terms.”
I think this says it all. I can’t be sure of the context–was she criticizing you for not following her back? Anyway, this statement is absolutely right. We want conversation on our terms. Isn’t it our right to decide how we want to use Twitter?
If someone just wants to use it to keep tabs on a few people, they might want to receive only a few tweets a day. If they follow me and I tweet 20 times one day, pushing all the tweets off their front page, should they get angry? No, they should just unfollow me. I’m using Twitter in a different way from them, and sorry if I’m not doing what they want, but I’m not going to change just to accommodate one follower (or even many followers).
If Tim Ferriss doesn’t want to follow anyone back, fine. If Gary Vaynerchuk doesn’t want to check DMs, fine. If Steve Pavlina just wants to tweet his words of wisdom without conversing, fine. They can do what they want, and I can decide if I want to remain a follower (and in these cases, the answer is yes).
BTW, regarding not responding. When I first signed up on Twitter, I didn’t really use it, and I didn’t take the time to figure it out. I didn’t notice there was a “replies” tab, so there was a good chance I’d miss any tweets that were directed at me. That’s not a problem for me anymore, especially since I use TweetDeck, but consider that someone might be accidentally ignoring you just because they’re a newbie and didn’t see your tweets.
Hunter Nuttall´s last blog post…hnuttall: @FireByDragon So if she becomes a lawyer again, is that called going into relapse? Oh, and I guess I’ve heard of a recovering chocoholic.
Honestly, James. Twitter is so far the best social media that not only bring the differences to my daily life, but I have learned many useful things from it as well!
By the way, it’s my twittering time again, catch you later.
James,
I miss Twitter just a little and will perhaps one day re-sign up, but not for awhile and will be more careful next time.
James,
This was a really helpful post. I just got twitter and have been struggling with how it even works. As far as my experience with social networking sites go, I was surprised that twitter was so simple. I don’t see as much conversation as I did “soap-boxing”. I followed as many interesting people as I could, thinking it would make the conversation more interesting. However, the white noise (as you put it) is excruciating. I’m glad you put my thoughts into words. I think you are right… following too many people is not the point of twitter. In fact, I have been noticing that the people who I enjoy following most tend to have around 20-40 people that they follow. They are the ones who are having true conversations. I think I am going to start following less people…
I never bought into the whole empty inflation of numbers by following aimlessly. Personally I look highly on the twitter accounts that have large numbers of followers while only following a fraction of them.
I’ve been followed, and then unfollowed by my fair share of EBay moms, and “MAKE MONEY NOW” entrepreneurs, but I’ve never felt any obligation or benefit to following them back. I follow people who provide valuable conversation. I like looking at my feed and knowing who everyone is, and seeing that conversation tends to follow certain themes (Web Design in my case).
I agree to a point with your comment on conversations that fall on deaf ears. I realize that many of the larger twitter accounts I follow have far to many shout-outs to respond regularly to. I’m not offended by a lack of response, but I do get excited when a big twitter celebrity finally responds. The simple things in life!
Great article!
Zach Dunn´s last blog post…The Real Problem With Design Contests
Wow, You touched a nerve here, James. I wrote a blog post recently called 5 Things Middle Schoolers Can Teach Us About Authentic Marketing. One being that they are “in the moment” and constantly connected to their peers.
One commenter on my post said that twitter is the adult equivalent, the “middle school for grownups.” I thought, “Yeah, that’s true.”
I haven’t totally figured twitter out yet, but I have mixed feelings. I see an awful lot of egos and shameless bragging (“I just reached 4,000 followers!). And what’s up with the advice that we should all follow the “thought leaders”? What the hell is a “thought leader,” anyway? And who decides that they are the only people with something to say?
I am selective in who I choose to follow and it doesn’t particularly bother me if that person doesn’t follow me back. (As with James: I’m a writer,. he’s a damn good writer, and I get something from his tweets, when he’s not talking about bacon). : )
I am using lost of social media tools: facebook, LinkeIn, biznik, etc. And twitter is just another tool. I’ll see if it’s worth the time as I get into it more.
Thanks, James, for another thought-provoking post.
Wow, so many comments going on, and such well thought-out ones too!
@ Judy – Exactly. Why on earth do I want to listen to someone give me a “daily tweet reminder” or tell me about how many followers he or she has?
And I’m sorry about the bacon. It was so good, I just had to mention it.
@ Zach – Funnily enough, I’m often called out by “big” twitter “pros” because of my high follower, low followee numbers. They tell me I’m not being open to others and showing my willingness to share.
My gut thought every time is, “You don’t know me at all.”
@ Chris – This summer, I was Twitter. Period. Always there, always chatting, always having a blast. Then I worked on Unlimited Freelancer, and had to cut Twitter for a few months.
When I came back, the conversations were gone. The link whoring and retweeting is nuts. No one is talking anymore. It’s all gone stale.
So I hop in and do my usual thing. “Playtime, folks!” And I rattle around for about an hour, shaking up the place and having fun. I make Twitter for me what I want it to be. What else can we do, eh?
That said… others do the same. For some people, it IS a place to drop links and do stuff I wouldn’t do. It’s hard to say, “That’s not right”, because the truth is, it’s right if it’s right for them.
Still doesn’t mean I have to like it
@ Michelle – Well, I’ll probably still be there, so you can @ me then and we’ll chat
@ Wilson – I was-… Oops, dammit, he’s gone. Okay, have fun!
@ Hunter -< blockquote>“You want conversation but you want it on your terms.â€
I think this says it all. We want conversation on our terms. Isn’t it our right to decide how we want to use Twitter?
‘Tis. ‘Tis indeed, my friend. So I recognize that my post is a little bit hypocritical in that I’m telling people my terms, and suggesting they should have the same.
I can try, though, can’t I?
@ Jim – Damn. I thought I was that interesting. Oh well…
Cheers, everyone!
As a lurker, I am — as ever — a bit behind the conversation curve but hopefully all you marvelous tweeps opted to have followup comments e-mailed!? ~_^ Speaking of being a lurker, uh, Harry.. do regular readers, not just commenters, count as “MwP Regulars?” ^_^
Given that Twitter is a means of keeping other perspectives, tho’ts & ideas available as we go thru our daily routines & that you get what you give — as w/anything — interaction styles will vary from person to person but should mirror however we interact in person. No more, no less: Do you periodically mention what you’re working on in person? Of course! Do you sometimes repeat what others have said in conversations? Surely! If links, quotations & retweets are part of an on-going conversational approach, you’re good.
James forgot to mention that another instance of quotes being well-tweeted/worth reading is when they include one’s own tho’ts; thus, my quotationaries — quotations w/commentary. ~_~ The same holds true for retweets, of course. Now & again, a retweet takes up all 140 characters but I make sure they’re interesting enough to be shared if so. I also like to give props where props are due so will sacrifice my commentary in order to include the original tweeters username.
It’s simply not a conversation unless you’re responding to @s & DMs at the very least. Bottom line, if it’s not a conversation, you’re missing out. Thanx for speaking up, King James (NOT to be confused w/ANY version of the Bible; well, maybe the freelancer’s bible.)!
(|_|*cheers*|_|)
*shameless plug warning* Twitter.com/coffeesister HA!
Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)´s last blog post…Happy Damn Holidays!
Well, I’m obviously a little late on this conversation, but I’ll add my 2 cents into the mix anyway.
I originally started following everyone, and that quickly became one big mess. I’ve recently started culling that list. While it has upset some causing them to unfollow, I’ve decided it isn’t worth the headache.
I’ve found the best way to set up my Tweetdeck is to have an ‘inner circle’ that pulls out those people I truly enjoy tweeting with. The rest sit in the ‘all friends list.’ These people are ones that I might enjoy listening to (Problogger or Copyblogger for example), but don’t generally tweet with. When I notice someone in my ‘all friends’ list who doesn’t interest me, I unfollow. I essentially treat it like my television — I watch what I want, when I want regardless of what others think.
I generally say hello to new followers and try to engage them in conversation. If they aren’t interested in conversation, or don’t carry a conversation well, I don’t bother to investigate or follow them back.
However, I have Tweetdeck set up to search for specific keywords. This allows me to keep up on certain subjects. No commitment. (On a side note, I complained about my accounting program in one tweet. I had three online accounting PR people follow me within the hour. You can usually tell who uses this same technique
)
While I may have teased you about your little rant the other day, you are very right James. I followed you for the same reason I come here. Fun, informative, and entertaining. (Just don’t let that go to your head hoser
)
I’m tired of reading how you should/shouldn’t use Twitter that state specific instructions and rules for its use.
It’s ‘your’ Twitter. Use it how you wish, tweet what you like, and as frequently as you wish. If you’re interested in what I have to say, follow. If not, no big deal. The solution is only a click away.
Angie Haggstrom
Angie Haggstrom´s last blog post…The Great Debate — How Much Should A Writer Charge?