18
What to Do When Low Rates Hold You Back
“I think there’s something you should know. I think it’s time I stopped the show. There’s something deep inside of me. There’s someone I forgot to be.” - George Michael, Freedom! 90
In 1990, George Michael wrote a song about breaking free. It’s one of my favorite songs, and the lyrics reach me each time. They talk about a man who has had it, one who wants to get rid of everything he was to rediscover who he is.
At the same time, the lyrics ask forgiveness, hoping that listeners and fans will understand and stay true. I find that touchingly sad. George Michael had let himself become what everyone told him to be – and forgot who he was to begin with.
How many of us do that? How many of us listen to others tell us who we should be or how we should act? How many of us portray faces for the people who listen to us in the hopes that they’ll continue to accept and like us?
When You Fall and Can’t Get Up
I received an email recently from someone asking how to break free of the problems he’d created for himself. A new writer, he’d fallen into the trap of high production for low pay in a sweatshop-style scenario.
He asked, simply, how to stop the cycle. How to raise his rates. How to get out of the problems he’d created.
The answer was fairly easy: Just stop. Decide that enough is enough. Move on to better things. I shared some advice for starting down a new road and gave a few tips I thought would help.
The issue goes a little deeper than that. When you’re caught in a cycle that you try desperately to keep up with, making a break isn’t so easy. You feel like you’re just digging a deeper hole instead of climbing out.
When you accept to be less than you are and forget that you’re worth more, it can be very hard to get back up again.
Finding Yourself Again
To find yourself again, you have to do two things: look to the past to know who you’ve been and look to the future to know who you want to be.
The writer and I exchanged some emails, and I asked the person to share more details about who he was. What were his values? What business ethics did he have? “Impress me,” I said.
So he tried to. He wrote a little about his history, attempting to astound me with years in this position or experience in that job. But as he wrote, I noticed the words began to change.
They grew more heartfelt. They sounded like a person instead of a job application. They rang true. I could hear the thoughts roll around the writer’s head. Who was he? By the end of the email, I had the sense that the writer knew a little more about the person he’d forgotten he could be.
Why not do the same? Why not take a piece of paper and write down a list of the values that you stand for?
Go somewhere quiet where you can think by yourself, and write down who you are as a person. What defines you? What ethics do you have? Who are you – and who do you really want to be?
Calling a Timeout
George Michael wasn’t very happy in the late 80s. He felt confined and caught up in other people’s expectations. He knew he had to do something, and Freedom! 90 explained that clearly: “Today the way I play the game has got to change, oh yeah. Now I’m gonna get myself happy.”
So George cast off everything he was tired of. The Freedom 90! video showed the smashing of a guitar, the destruction of a jukebox, a wrecked leather jacket. These symbols of George Michael’s past were his chains.
He wanted to be himself – and be accepted for who he was. George Michael stood up and called a timeout on his life. He stopped the game. He examined where he was and adjusted the play.
The writer who responded to my questions had to stop and think. He had to call a timeout. Who was he? Where was he at now? What game adjustments did he need to make?
He didn’t ask me for a job. He didn’t ask for work. I’d blown the whistle on him and he had to think about his strategies. And he realized he was grateful that he could stop and remember his values so that he could redirect his life.
Some people would call the revelation the deciding moment, the instant where the person knows that everything has just changed.
That remains to be seen, though. Will the writer smash his guitar and break the jukebox? Will he set memorabilia on fire and watch the flames burn the past? Maybe. Maybe not. I hope so.
George Michael did. He looked back, acknowledged who he’d been and who he really was. He turned his whole life around. He took a conscious decision to set himself free and he broke the chains that held him back in a very public way.
The lyrics of Freedom 90! shared George’s heartfelt worries – and his faith that people understood there was more to him than people could see: “I just hope you understand that sometimes the clothes do not make the man.”
He was going to be who he was. He had to try. Would he make it? Even he didn’t know. He took his hopes, faith, and courage in hand and he provoked change. These lyrics explain it best: “There’s someone else I’ve got to be.”
What about you?
Help spread the word!
Welcome to our community. Kick back, put your feet up and join the discussion.
77 Responses - Leave your comments too!
Go ahead. Leave a Comment!
-
-
-
James is reading:
-
-
Taylor is reading:
-
-
Social Hookups
-
Integrity sums up what you’ve said James. Being honest to yourself, your values and your beliefs.
Jenny Burr’s last blog post..It is Well
I agree with Jenny, James. This is about living an authentic life and acting within your integrity – or what we used to call being true to yourself in the old days. I think it’s important to keep focused on where you are going and what your value is, even if you occasionally accept less. Inspirational, as always.
Sharon Hurley Hall’s last blog post..Querying And Bidding Strategies
James,
I like the way you wrote this today. Sometimes it is easy to get busy, and lose the way. We have to check the road map on a regular basis, to make sure we are going in the right direction. We have to stop at the gas station, and have a look in the mirror, to make sure that we are happy with what we see.
It is easy to get lost, but equally easy to find yourself again. I did that a couple of years ago, sat down with a blank sheet of paper, a pen, and a glass of red wine. An hour or so in a quiet room, reflecting on what was important to me, where I’d been, where I wanted to go, who I am, how lucky I was to have what I have. It made all the difference to me.
And yet, once started down that path, you can get busy and start to stray. So once a week, or so, I’ll do the same. Sit down with a glass of wine. Look over my notes, my journals. When I’m done, I always end up with the biggest smile on my face – and it isn’t from the wine.
Once you realize that the choice is yours, there really is nothing you can’t do.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
James,
Timeouts are really important. So is the courage to be poor for a while to make that change… something I have plenty of experience with (maybe George, too, although not on the same level
). Financial chains hold so many people back from freedom. Sounds like that’s part of your writer friend’s issue. It’s a legitimate concern, and a sneaky bondage, too.
One nice thing about a non-addictive personality is that I’ve never been too attached to “things.” When times for change have come, I’ve been able to say I’ll look past the short-term for the bigger Vision. For a lot of folks that’s just heresy.
I like financial freedom, and someday maybe I’ll feel like I’ve really got it for good, but I have to have the soaring spirit first and foremost. Getting caught racing with other rats can’t do that for me.
Regards,
[Hey wait! There were words in that video? I thought it was Naomi, Christy, Cindy and a guy who had the luckiest week of his life in 1990.]
Kelly
I need a fan. Again.
Hands Kelly yet another fan and thinks, ” What does she do with all these? Maybe I should check her closet for a stash of fans. Is she a fan-aholic?” (No smiley inserted here to avoid offending Kelly early in the AM before adequate doses of coffee)
I could go on a rant about integrity, but I won’t. What it boils down to is that YOU are the only one who has to live with your actions for the rest of your life. There is no hiding from the affairs of your soul in the middle of the night. If something goes against who you are, avoid it like the plague. Compromise even an inch and it’s a downhill slide from there.
(I had the HUGEST crush on George Michael. Didn’t he turn out to be gay though? What does that say about my choice in men? Ouch.)
Jamie,
They’re all stacked in the bedroom (where else?). Little Pen sleeps on them, like the Prince and the Pea. It gives him good dreams. (Off-topic so soon…)
I forgot to mention Linda. I wanted to be Linda, or Christy. *Insert cute French swear words like chrisse here.* They’re unbelievably beautiful. Those bones!
Until later,
Kelly
P.S. My feed is eff’d on my 100th post, folks, & feedburner naturally has no idea what the problem is, so this is a totally self-serving plug for MCE, instead of a nice delicate CommentLuv. Come help me blow out a candle. Have to go do some work now.
@ Jamie – Yes, he is gay. Freedom! 90 was considered George Michael’s lyrical coming out of the closet – more proof that we need to be who we are and not what everyone else wants us to be.
@ Kelly – Happy 100, Kelly, with many more to come. And yes – Linda Evangelista is incredibly beautiful. Definite eye candy and pretty people.
Let’s keep this topic on track today, folks. Harry’s manning the fort while I’m away, and I think the post deserves more than silliness.
James, one thought regarding finding the self again… As you’ve put it: “Look to the past to know who you’ve been…â€
How much does the age carry weight to this issue? How much life experience and self-identification/self-understanding one would need in order to learn who he/she really is so they can start their search there….?
This post is the second timely post I’ve read this week and I just quit a situtation where I was writing for peanuts and no pleasure.
Freedom!
@ Kelly,
I hear you about financial freedom. I don’t think I’ll have that for a very long time, as I have a large family.
But I don’t care anymore. I thought my way out of that corner a long time ago. Given the choice between complete financial freedom and a job I hate, or being me, right now I’d rather be me.
I’ve sold my soul for money before, and I didn’t like it. In some ways, I’m still doing it. But I’m working my way out of it.
George Michael – gay, straight, who cares? He looks like a nice guy and seems to have it figured out, I’d have a beer with him.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
One of the reasons that I spend the first hour of my day alone and with my journal is exactly this. It keeps me honest and true to myself. Its hard to lie to the paper.
Sometimes you don’t even know what your own truth is until you (maybe I) start journaling it all out. There have been a few times it has been a real eye-opener and I have turned my train around.
good post James.
who am I? A writer who wants to write from my gut and make a difference in the hearts of others around me.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..The Pie Theory: A Story About Pie.
Wendi,
A very wise way to live. I review my own personal mission statement and long term goals each day myself, first thing. I put it before my day job, no matter what. And I also mind map. One night a little while ago I sat down with a blank sheet of paper, and my notes & journals. I drew out all of my ideas, all the interconnections. It was beautiful. I really do have a plan…
PS – you already do make a difference, Wendi.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
Brett,
Nor will I. Oh, well. You are such a great you and seem to be aiming ever higher, that is a real gift. Better (most days) than money.
Wendi,
Writing (and reading excellent writing) has always kept me alive and vital. I never seem to make it an appointment with myself like you do, though. I wish I did, because it’s like meditation for me, so calming and centering.
It truly does help you find your heart and your purpose.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly,
I know you’ll stay the course (Happy 100th Birthday at your blog!), and – thank you. It is nice to hear encouragement from someone else. And you, well, keep being a good you as well.
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
Hi all,
It’s too early to compose anything deep so for now I’ll just say I forgot how good this video was. Brings back a lot of memories.
Happy 100th, Kelly!
Another timely post, you men of the pens. Yesterday marked my second anniversary as a full time freelance writer. Before that time, I quit a nice, steady, dreadfully boring job in search of something better. I drifted for awhile, and took some shit jobs that caused more grief than necessary. I was searching, internally and externally, for integrity, authenticity, all the things you and your commenters have mentioned.
To find it, I had to remember what had always given me clarity, enjoyment and purpose – writing. It’s been two years of hard work, anxiety and even fear, but it’s also been one of fulfillment and sheer joy. It’s about knowing who you were, who you are, and who you want to be. It’s tough, and ongoing. But absolutely worth it.
Thanks for the post, and for putting Freedom in my head. Could be much worse, and it has been. (Rick Astley??) Nice substitution!
Quiet Rebel Writer’s last blog post..Madonna and Freelancing: An ?A-Ha!? Marketing Moment
@QRW: There will be no Rick Rolling here! The DJs on the radio were doing that all morning yesterday.
Awesome. I needed to hear this today. I’m going to go write down the essence of my dopeness.
Tei’s last blog post..The Next Great Caper: Your Business
I’ve just realized why I keep coming back here. Inspiration.
You guys are good..
Okay James, because you asked.
What if it wasn’t an option? Being real, I mean. Think about it. What if all artifice was stripped away by high winds and a wall of water? You don’t think,” Who will I be.”
What you are is all that matters. “Suck it up. Deliver. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.”
Now luckily, I had been practicing all along.
What would you do if you lost everything? What would you rebuild? What would really matter? Makes “posing ” less appealing huh? Makes it real real quick. Think about it.
Hey, James asked for seriousness. No sympathies please. ( Yes, I was there in New Orleans when Katrina struck) Just wanted to toss this “being real “about.
All best,
Jan
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
Janice,
Beautifully said.
(Made me want to get personal too, but I can’t bear to run over your words!)
I love it when one thought leads to another on blogs, whether it’s confessions or Friday night virtual beer or bright shiny things syndrome or a fictional day-after-the-party. That’s the best of the ‘net.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
@Jan: I understand what it’s like to lose everything. I may not have gone through a disaster like you have, but I weathered a disaster of another sort: Divorce.
When my wife and I split, I packed as much as I could fit into the Dodge Neon. I had to leave behind the furniture my parents had given me (stuff I grew up with and very good quality too), yearbooks and keepsakes, photo albums, and other important pieces of my life that wouldn’t fit.
I thought I’d have the chance later to go back and get it, but things didn’t turn out that way.
It still hurts to this day to think of all of those things I lost and can never replace.
On the other hand, I have rebuilt myself and my life over the last 7 years or so. When you lose everything, it’s tough starting over, but somehow we survive it and move on.
Not looking for sympathy here either, just saying I totally understand.
@Brett “It is easy to get lost, but equally easy to find yourself again.” This is true enough if you’ve found yourself in the first place. Somehow I got stuck in a loop when I was about 30, and damned if I knew what to do about it. I’m 38 now and still get that niggling thought in the back of my mind that asks, “Is this what you want to do when you grow up?” For pete’s sake, I should have this NAILED by now, no?!
It seems a lot of you (being writers) are able to use that medium for such things. You write in your journals or simply sit back with a blank pience of paper and a glass of wine, and you figure things out. I, on the other hand, when confronted with a stark sheet of paper, stare off into oblivion and have no idea where to go from there. Much to my dismay, I’m not very good at putting things into words and setting them down on paper.
So where do you start when you find yourself not sure you’re where you want to be in life? Sure, as James says, “write down who you are as a person. What defines you? What ethics do you have? Who are you – and who do you really want to be?” I want to be able to do this, but that blank page just keeps mocking me.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Nicole,
Have you ever done the Epitath exercise? OR the funeral exercise?
Both are the same concept, if you were dead, but able to attend your funeral, or write on your tombstone, what would you want your family and friends to say about the way you had lived your life?
What, when you look back, do you want to be remembered for?
Now, if tomorrow, you were dx’d with lung cancer, like my friend, and had a limited time left here, and your focus needed to get fine tuned quick, what would you want to do before time ran out?
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..The Pie Theory: A Story About Pie.
@Wendi No ma’am, but I like the idea. That’s the sort of thing I need, specific writing prompts, because that blank page makes my mind whirl with too many possibilities. Thanks!
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Harry,
Yeah, like that.
Nicole,
When I was in college we once did an exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. Write “Nicole” at the top of the page. Then on the left side, write “IS.” One the right side, write “IS NOT.”
It doesn’t have to be sentences, fully-formed thoughts. or anything (I still have mine, from ten years ago. It’s all still true, too). Is: Searching. Is Not: Settled. You can write things like celebs you are like and aren’t like if it’s hard to pin “you” down; songs, colors, feelings, places…
Might take you three or four sheets of paper, because once you get on a roll you realize you know more than you think you know. Where you want to be will take shape when you let go of how to get there. Actually, I think what you just wrote is an excellent first inquiry.
Hope this helps!
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
@Nicole: I guess the way I wrote that oversimplified the actual act of “finding yourself”, so I wanted to say that you and I are pretty similar in that respect. The concept itself is simple enough, to sit down with a blank piece of paper and start writing. I apologize for making it sound like it was a five minute exercise, as it was not.
The act can be very difficult, and it was for me. In all honesty, I lost my way big time – I needed to change. I started by writing down the things that I liked to do that make me happy. I wrote down all of the things that are important to me. I wrote out my perfect day, what I would do if I didn’t have to go to the job where I am now. And then I started writing out questions, “why am I not doing this yet?” “What’s stopping me?” and so forth. I must have written for a couple of hours, and it brought tears to my eyes a few times.
As I said, this can be very difficult. I would suggest just to write and write, and not worry about it being perfect. Or if you can’t write, perhaps there is some other medium you could use.
One thing I will say is this, for me it is still a work in progress, I certainly don’t have it all figured out yet. I’d say a lot of people come out of school and the idea that they have of who they are and who they want to be has been shaped by parents, teachers and so forth. I don’t regret the choice I made, as the experiences I’ve gained will serve me well for the rest of my life. But I spent the last 12 years or so with a growing feeling that there was “something else” for me.
Just don’t give up. Maybe an important distinction is being able to differentiate between “what you are” i.e. your job and “who you are”. I’m not a nuclear engineer, I’m Brett, and sometimes that is hard to define, even to myself. Often times the answers come from outside, my family and friends.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
@Kelly I really like that idea. I’m too much of a perfectionist most of the time feeling like if I write something on that beautiful clean page, it had better be something great. If I can allow myself to write single words, phrases, blurbs, names and such, I think that would get my past the starting gate at least. I’m going to do that exercise this weekend. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
@Brett I knew you didn’t mean to make it sound as if it was easy, it just caught my attention because I feel so adrift lately and questioning everything. Probably because we just made a major move and I’m in a city where I know no one again (this is nothing new, but it’s getting old). So while most of my life I’ve been fine with constant change and upheaval, my mind is begining to rebel more and more. Must be getting old.
Thanks for your insights.
@James Though at times I question your choices in music, today it was great. Thanks for making me think.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
@Nicole – It helps me to sit back and…let go. When I find myself worrying in front of my monitor, saying “where have I gone wrong?!”, I kick back and play a musical instrument. I strum/noodle around and let my mind wander. When I come back, I’ll write whatever it is I’m thinking and I try my best to not judge myself.
We all have something to put to paper, but a lot of us are to afraid to write it. Don’t be afraid of sounding stupid (or whatever). We’re all going to sound trite at times, but it’s okay. The important thing is to have SOMETHING on that page.
I know you have it in you – I know that you have the capability to sit down and figure things out with a piece of paper. Write the first thing that comes to mind, even if it is “I don’t know what I’m trying to do here”, and it’ll snowball from there. Give it a go every day and I’m sure that you’ll surprise yourself
Best of luck to you!
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Whoops!
@Nicole: I think it is normal to feel adrift sometimes – I know I do, and through questioning we find the answers, eventually. Moving house is not easy as you have to rebuild your supports again. We have done that far too often ourselves (six times in 10 years).
Believe me, you’re not getting old (we’re the same age), I think this is what we should be doing at this age – we’ve had a lot of life experiences, and have a lot of wisdom. Now, what to do with it.
What Kelly suggested is a really great way to go about this. You don’t have to get it 100 percent right the first time. I still sit down with my notes periodically and check to see if this is still the right way to go.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
@RLD: you made me think of a couple of other things, too. Sometimes – often, actually – clarity comes if I’ve gone out for a run. When I get back, it is amazing what I can get down on paper.
Or perhaps if one thinks in a visual way. I have some pretty detailed mind maps that link my thoughts together.
They just start with single words on the paper, and then I make the connections. And then the branches start to grow. Things look pretty good after 5 or 6 revisions.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
Nicole,
Yes, do let me know. I took forever with it even though I write (too much!) all the time, and though I was already a 29-year-old who “knew myself,” I learned a ton. (I learned for instance, that knowing yourself is forever, not today. There isn’t a day when you’re all set.)
Later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
I think what prompted me to try this was this blog post:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/
It is sort of a variation of some of the ideas above. I find a lot of Steve’s stuff to be worth the read.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
Wow (I say that a lot here) you all are so full of words! (In a good way!) I love it!
@RLD I think youve hit it. My inner editor cringes at putting something stupid down on paper. My 7th grade geography teacher ingrained in me, “Never put something in writing that you wouldn’t want your mother to read”, and apparently I took it, not only to heart but a step further, and I need to get past that. I think Kelly’s exercise will be a great place to start!
@Brett I need to look into this mind mapping. Sounds a lot like brainstorming?
@Kelly I’m okay with continually rediscovering myself, but right now I don’t even have a plan. I’m sort of drifting along, so I need to figure out and set some goals at the very least. Lord I feel like a pathetic whiner today, but damnit, I’m going to change that!
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Hi,
Thanks Harry and Kelly. Been there too. I meant to say optional instead of option though. oops. It isn’t about stuff. I know you know that. Stuff is just an articulation of our imaginations and some necessities.
Personal realness is a process as Brett is so generously describing. Integrating parts of self. I was thinking in analogy . If you think of a bag you pack to get yourself through, oh three days, ( if you made it through. That’ll focus you real quick). Mentally packing that bag might help someone clarify what is important. Then take a look at what you chose. That will tell you a lot about yourself.
It’s very much like what Wendi is suggesting to Nicole. If you have ever done it for real, or repeatedly, for going on location say, it’s easier. You find out a lot about what makes you tick, what is essentially you. And can actually be kind of funny afterwards.
Yes, that was me with the pink pillow, perfume and my pearls. But I had my hiking boots and the hurricane/ on location usuals too: water, battery powered radio, flashlight, sketchbooks, a romance novel, The Magic Bus by my friend Doug Brinkley, scotch and chocolate too. Had to leave the Lady Colt behind…
See. What would be in your bag?
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
Brett,
That was lovely. I did something similar when working through Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, years ago. He calls it a personal mission statement. Mine takes up a whole page, not quite like Steve’s brief statement (and it didn’t happen in 20 minutes!), but it still rings so true that it has the ability to make me cry like he said.
I’ve thought of reworking it, but every time I take it out (like five seconds ago to see if it’s as long as all that—it is), I feel somehow, I really caught Me in it, so revisiting is plenty.
The 20-minute idea is super. If I were doing it today I would try it. & it doesn’t take too long to know if it works for you.
Later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
Janice,
*resisting urge to get confessional, again* Besides i.d. stuff, in our “bag” were: Irreplaceable photos. Years of genealogy work. A few treasured books and stuffed animals (daughter’s). Art supplies.
What we value: Memories of GOOD times. Family. Learning. Snuggling. Creativity.
It’s a little metaphorical when you distill it that far, not exactly a what do I do tomorrow thing… or maybe, it is. Those are all the things I did today, and they’re guaranteed to be the things I do tomorrow.
Are all seven veils still intact? Whew.
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
How many of us spend so many years adapting to please; trying to shape our roundness to fit the square hole?
This post has caused me to stop and think.
Life has thrown one of those ‘growth opportunities’ at me recently and I have been too hooked up in surviving to actually consider what might be right for me.
Thank you James
Also @RLD I appreciate your belief. Thanks.
@Janice You reminded me of the year I spent living out of one suitcase, and thinking back it was probably the time in my life when I most knew who I was and had the most focus.
@Kelly Oh, I HAVE my Covey statement… somewhere! Thanks for reminding me. If I can track it down it will be perfect for revisiting who I was when I wrote it and decide what’s changed since.
@Brett I’m going to test out Steve’s steps tonight, and move on to Kelly’s exercise tomorrow. Between the two I’m sure I’ll at least gain some clarity.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
@Kelly Here’s a tissue.. just in case a veil fails.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Nice post – so many beginning writers get into that low paying content writing write and find it hard to get out. Writers shouldn’t put eggs in one basket and always be on the lookout to improve.
I know one freelancer who said he gives himself a “cost of living” raise just like the ones he received every year from his corporate job. Maybe that’s how we should all look at it.
In any event, it’s all about self worth. Rather than saying, “well I’m just starting out…” we should say, “well…I’m a great writer…”
@ Nicole- transition. It’s a good word to remember. Sometimes when you feel adrift or things feel awkward, the work isn’t going right, it is just that uncomfortable move between one thing and another. If you didn’t feel it, you wouldn’t be growing. At least you’re asking the questions. Stay with the discomfort, work right on through it. it. Because breakthrough comes next . Won’t that be fun?
@Kelly- I have a written mission, too. Shorter, but it was a valuable exercise. And damn, Happy birthday!!!!! Almost forgot to tell you that.
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
Ha! *Looks down…* Well, I did conquer those Final Five. I guess a tissue can cover anything that might get exposed.
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
@ Deb Ng – One of the pieces of advice I gave the man who wrote me was, “Walk the walk if you’re going to talk the talk.” Professional writer? Then be it. Act it. Breath it. Think it. Just do it. And if you can’t feel it in your soul and you’re not happy, then you’re not walking the walk yet. It’s not about just starting out. It’s starting out with integrity.
@ Janice – Sometimes, you don’t have the luxury of a major life event to change everything. That, to me, is the easy route. BAM! Here’s your life, now what?
It’s extremely difficult to work through situations when you have no real reason to question yourself but you start to wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into. I’m not making light of what you mention or saying one is worse than the other – but I am saying that there are many ways of getting blown apart and having to put yourself back together.
@ Nicole – You’re in good hands. I’m nodding at everything everyone was telling you.
Thanks for your comments, everyone.
@ Nicole – Oh, about my tastes in music? Eclectic. I have smoky Holly Cole jazz, mo-fo Kid Rock, hard AC/DC, Harry Connick Jr. big band, country, theater musical soundtracks, classical, renaissance… I pick and choose my music for every facet of me and for every mood I feel.
@James I’m much the same in regards to music, but admittedly my playlist is a bit more mellow than yours. Some might say fuddy-duddy, but then I’ll toss a KORN or Authority Zero tune in there and people look at me cross-eyed.
RE: “It’s extremely difficult to work through situations when you have no real reason to question yourself but you start to wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into.” I keep wondering how I got this far out of tune with myself, and you may be on to something. I’ve had no real reason to question things for a good long while now. I think it’s time I did. Frightening as that is..
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
@ Nicole – If you already know that something’s not quite you, then you’ve already started questioning. It’s a good thing. Embrace it. You may change, but you will always – always – change for the better. It’s an exercise that has no risk of failure.
@ Kelly- sometimes the metaphorical things come first. Give us a smile, some self knowledge, a reminder. Like setting a compass. The practical steps become a dance through our personal Maslow. Then get up, eat breakfast, workout, write one true thing, paint/ write with authenticity, fire that client , life’s too short…which shiny silver thing to attack first.. all become very much aligned and the actions can come from that true place.
As you said. Snuggling, a little girls laugh. Creativity. I’ll pack those in my bag every time.
@ Nicole- I hear you. It’s true. If you think back about what was in that suitcase and what the items might symbolize…could you find a true sentence in there?
Sorry to be repetitive. My writer friends are mostly alpha males. Hemingway is discussed.
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
@Nicole – Fuddy-duddy music? I say there’s no such thing
I’m 20 yo and I groove out to classical music all the time. Granted, I’m a sucker for metal as well, but still!
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Whoops!
@ James- Crisse Quebecois!!! I think I am angry with you. LUXURY?????!!!!!!
Yes, spitting damn mad.
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
@ Janice – Yes, luxury. Hear me out:
A disaster happens. A major event wrecks everything. You have nothing but yourself and you need to start over.
But you have something to blame. Something to be angry at. Something to point to as the cause of your problems and the reason you have to start again.
When you need to force yourself to make a conscious decision to start over, that is entirely a different matter. You only have yourself to blame. You have nothing to point to but yourself as the cause for your problems. You can only be angry at yourself.
You have to look at YOU in the mirror and face yourself. This is one of the most difficult things to do in life – why do you think most people never achieve inner peace? But they do live through natural disasters and pick up the pieces to move on… and yet, admit the truth of who they are? And then be so strong as to live it and breathe it?
How many people do you know who are 100% true to themselves and hide nothing from the world?
(I’m sorry if I made you mad. That was not my intention.)
@RLD LOL! If you could only listen to my playlist! Seriously! Roger Whittaker and Tom Jones rank somewhere in the top ten most played artists… and I’m fine with that thankyouverymuch.
But then I love Moxy Fruvous, any classic holiday tune (yes, year round), Tchaikovsky, ABBA, Merle Haggard. I’m all over the place!
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
@Nicole – Yay for Moxy Fruvous
I’m a huge fan of Tchaikovsky – I love what he did with Romeo and Juliet. Sure, the love theme is overused – Still, I think his use of specific themes was not only musically strong, but also did a great job of telling the story (and conveying the emotion) in about 15 minutes.
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Whoops!
@RLD In fact, I think I’ll put a little R&J on right now. I could use that sort of mood to finish up my work week and prepare myself for that hammock in the back yard.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
James- That is called cowardice, you ass. Not difficulty. The inability to look oneself in the mirror. I will regret saying that in public so bluntly. But you have made me cry. You simplistic ass. I will try to calm down.
Janice C Cartier’s last blog post..Naughty Friday Vegas Cake For Two
@ Janice – No, cowardice is hiding something for years on purpose because you’re too scared to face it. Introspection is delving inside because you realized something new about yourself that you never knew was there.
Again, I’m not trying to make light of your situation – just trying to explain the difference between what you’re talking about (a situation I can’t say I’ve experienced so I won’t say I know what it feels like) and what I’m talking about. I think we’re discussing two different matters.
Please don’t be sad – email coming at you now.
And yes. I can be an ass. I don’t ever mean to be one, though. So I’m sorry if I was.
@Janice,
At the risk of stepping in the middle, Something like what you went through is a horrible experience and I am sure that James wasn’t minimizing it in any way. But it is a forced change. Only a dead person could come away from something like that experience andnot feel something, perhaps not question their life’s meaning. It is one of the only good things to come from such a tragedy. Yes, there are those that come away from a tragedy saying poor me, poor me, but still..the many face an altering moment. IF this is how a person comes to their change, it doesn’t make their change any less significant or valuable.
Any time a person gets closer to their true spirit it is valuable.
@James- none of us are 100% there. It is a process, always a process that continues.
In general:
When you haven’t had a life-altering event, when life has just rambled on in a disatisfied manner, well, as my mother says, when all the world is wrong and you are the only one who is right…it is time to look in the mirror. the numbers aren’t adding up.
But I don’t believe it is being a coward not to question. We all come to our mirror when we are ready to see. We walk at our own pace. It takes courage to look. It takes courage to take the first step.
Just my thoughts, of course,
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..The Pie Theory: A Story About Pie.
@Wendi I like your mother.
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Love this post James.
I must admit for me it wasn’t so much what other people expected that kept me doing fishtails around myself, it was me chasing my tail wondering when I will have done enough to feel I did enough. Accomplished enough. Grew enough. Tried enough…
I understand your reference to looking at who we were and where we want to be in the future…but can I make plug for the now.
This moment I am in is the only one I have, period. If I am always working, always trying harder, I am never able to see myself and truly feel where it is I am.
I liked Brett’s comments about re-connecting every week with his musings, well and the wine, I liked that too!
Someone commented about the financial consequences we may face in making decisions to honor our true self. That is valid. And yet, as Stephen Covey conveyed it won’t be the bucks we lament on our deathbed, it will be the chance for LIFE that we passed by. It didn’t pass us by, we made the choice.
Anyhooo, I ramble. Trying to say, THANK YOU JAMES and everyone else who shared on this rich topic.
Time for the wine…oh wait, only 3:11 here in Vancouver, okay, okay, I will hold off just a wee longer!
Harmony
Harmony’s last blog post..The ABC’s of Golden Zen
@Harmony Well said about the now. Mind if we begin without you then? It’s 5:16 here. : )
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
Nicole,
Well, the noble side of me says…of course not! Please enjoy!
The side that still have clients with expectations cries…hmmmm
drat! That’s it DRAT
Harmony’s last blog post..The ABC’s of Golden Zen
@Harmony Three cheers for nobility! (raises her glass in toast)
Nicole’s last blog post..Making the Most of It
ENJOY YOUR “NOW”
Cheers,
Harmony
Harmony’s last blog post..The ABC’s of Golden Zen
Wow, I sure missed the rest of a great comment stream here.
James, Harry, this place *rocks*
@ Nicole: yes, the mind mapping is like visual brainstorming – this is a good description of it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_map and I also have used a computer program once in a while to do it, available at http://freemind.sourceforge.net/wiki/index.php/Main_Page
I will say, though, I prefer to use pen & paper to do this. Much easier and it just “feels” better. I think you are going the right way, if you try Steve’s method and then try Kelly’s method, and a few other things, you’ll have a lot of stuff figured out when you are done. And as James said, if you feel the need to change, you are already on the way. You’ll do well with this, I know it.
@ Kelly – thank you, and thank you for sharing your method too (the is / is not). I’ve never heard of that one before, and I think I’ll try it as well to see what it adds to the mix. I think you & I have chatted about Covey before – awesome stuff. I first did Steve Pavlina’s method, and then my employer sent me on a 3-day course for 7 Habits. It was there that I wrote my personal mission statement – that I review every day. And I have my list of goals, that I also review each day. It keeps me grounded.
@ Harmony – go for it, crack open the wine! Tonight is actually going to be one of my “reconnect” nights, after I go for a run. It is time for me to have a look at everything and see how it is going. I think it is going great, to be honest – but it is always good to keep everything in focus.
Wow, what a great idea storm today. If we could all get in the same room someday, we could change the world. But you know, with this virtual forum, we are doing that anyway.
PS – since everyone is comparing music, I’ll add my own weirdness to the mix. When I really want to think, a glass of wine or three and an out of the way (and now defunct) band called Kyuss does it for me. Early 90’s stoner rock from Palm Desert, very nice warm sound… one of the guys later went on to form Queens of the Stone Age. Either that, or some Pink Floyd…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
Brett,
(It’s past nine
, but I’m back. You will know this, because you appear to be manning the fort alone… actually now that I look at the time stamp… you must be off in the real world. Hurrah for you. Anyway, it was a nice time.)
Love love love the Habits. The whole “roles and goals” concept straightens out the priorities and keeps you from overdoing or neglecting. Who needs a 4 Hour Work Week if I’m getting the things I love done and the people I love taken care of? That’s what it’s all about.
Plus, it gives me an excuse to ignore stupid stuff—”I’m sorry, that’s ‘4th quadrant.’ I can’t deal with the dry cleaning today.”
James,
Kelly’s last blog post..Happy 100th Birthday!
Kelly,
I’m glad that you had a good time out. I’m back now too, went for a run and now just winding down.
I agree – the Habits are such an important part of my life now, I don’t know what I did without them.
Tonight I’m just sharpening the saw. Taking care of business that helps me.
Talk with you soon – Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
@Brett – Oh, I love Pink Floyd! One of my all-time favorite bands was heavily influenced by them: Dream Theater. Their most recent album was a major let-down, but other than that, I would recommend them.
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Whoops!
@ RLD: I like Dream Theater too, I haven’t heard their latest album but I love their earlier stuff – very talented people.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
@Brett – I don’t find many Dream Theater fans! You are SO awesome
@RLD: I guess it just depends on where you hang out! A lot of my friends like DT.
Yes, they are great. I’m a rhythm section guy myself so John Myung & Mike Portnoy really impress. I’ve never seen them live, but this is sort of funny, I saw James LaBrie live in his old band Winter Rose before he joined DT. Some time in 1989 or 1990, in Hamilton…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..focus on writing – part 1 – back to the future.
James,
This post really speaks to me. Thanks so much. I’m at a crossroads of sorts in my own professional writing life, and this is a wonderful reminder of how important it is to adequately value ourselves and our talents.
Regards,
Jeanne
So *this* is where you guys have been hiding!
This is an appropriate post for what I recently went through in my writing career and overall life. I liked your response to the writer…to just stop. It is as simple as that, really. And also that hard.
Courtney’s last blog post..“Funny†Blog
@ Courtney – Good to see you too
I was sad to see your blog go after the flame war we survived!
And I agree. Stopping is a very hard thing to do – but you’ll never look back.