“No… No, look, I’d really like to avoid a trip to the city…” My diplomatic pleas were falling on deaf ears. The corporate client of a web development client wanted a meeting, and that was that.
I understand. They are a group of people in suits who want me to be their psychotherawriter (not to be confused with psychowriter). They want to feel important by impressing me with their money, their boardrooms, their leather chairs…
Well, okay. Leather chairs impress me. So do swanky “working” lunches. But a three-hour round trip on Canadian winter roads crammed into a week where I’m already too busy doesn’t impress me in the least.
Yet corporate Canada calls and I must listen.
“I have a bad feeling about this one,” I sighed to my client. I can say things like that to him. He understands. “I really don’t have to do this, you know. This is why I became a freelancer. To be free.”
For the rest of the day, that phrase haunted me.
The fairytale dreams of freelancing are wonderful ones. We shall work in our underwear and never comb our hair. We shall eat Brie when we feel like it and drink wine at 3 pm. We’ll save money on commuting and become financially self-sufficient.
Then we take a leap of faith, buoyed by the breezes of dreams and for a moment in time, life is fantastic. We do eat Brie and drink wine. Once, maybe twice. After that, the thrill wears off. It’s back to chips and contemplating getting drunk.
Underwear does become a staple of the closet, but in three weeks or so, we dig out better clothing because really, working in your underwear is silly. We comb our hair, save on commuting and worry about our self-sufficiency when our financial means experience fantastic roller coaster rides the likes you’ve never seen.
Then things settle. Freelancers stabilize their lives (somewhat; most still drink and worry about money). They take on bigger and bigger gigs. Things are looking up. Brie is a possibility again and the underwear might include designer labels. Clients are more important than before. Rates rise. So do bank accounts.
So does the pressure to perform. So does the song and dance of red tape or meetings that go nowhere. So does working on jobs that we don’t really enjoy, that pay well or that seem important but that are so far from our vision of why we began freelancing that they almost hurt.
In recent weeks, I’ve been too busy to remember what freedom means to me or why I began this crazy ride. I want the freedom to choose and to agree on my own terms, not someone else’s. I want the freedom to say no, even if it costs me. I want the freedom to write what I enjoy and pass on what I don’t.
So the next time I’m facing a swanky job that I feel I shouldn’t refuse… I’m going to say no and remember that my freelancing starts with the word free.
Boy, for a minute there I thought you were going the “This is the price you pay for success” route.. I was so happy to see you choose freedom at the end!
Hey James:
You read my mind. Recently, I had to lay down some parameters with a client that I should have done at the beginning, and had been too “nice” to do, even though my instincts were screaming. Fortunately, I think the situation turned out okay in the end, however, I would never have allowed it to happen before going freelance (when my paycheck was guaranteed). Yes, sometimes it’s tough, but I only make it tougher on myself when I go against my own instincts in the pursuit of a dollar. Sometimes the dollar is just not worth it.
And thanks for your help yesterday.
I work in my underwear at my day job and don’t comb my hair…
I liked what you wrote here. You know yourself well, and you’re doing a good job. Keep it up.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..why six weeks.
I do think you’re the other half of my brain. If not for words like “Canada” and “wine” i would have thought I’d written this. Of course, you said it nicer…
Amy’s last blog post..Freelance Mentality: Do You Have What It Takes?
Amen! Here’s to not trading one hamster wheel in a suit for another hamster wheel in your skivvies.
Dana’s last blog post..PayPal: Friend or PayFoe?
Nice … I have a hard time saying “no” too.
However, I have turned down a number of “freelance” jobs where the client wanted me to sit in their office five days a week, eight hours a day.
My answer to the question: “will you work onsite?” Nearly always: “no.”
Obviously, James, you sneaked in here and read the New Year’s Resolution list scrawled in purple crayon-soap on my shower wall. (Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as crayon soap.) After too many years of soul-destroying freelance jobs taken on through sheer terror of poverty, 2008 is my year of turning down those oh-gawd-is-it-morning-again jobs that you know from the start will go bad. Oh, and as for putting on the girl clothes to go into town for meetings? Others may charge reduced rates for travel time, but I’m doubling mine. If the corporate bossman wants to see my shining face that badly, I’ll cheerfully send him a map to my house and put on the tea kettle. FREElance, yeah!
@Laura: click here for How to Say No
@ RJ – The clincher for me was wondering what friggin’ coat I’d wear. Big huge ice-fishing parka with dirty sleeves or hip, cool, trendy leather jacket that lets me freeze?
No reduced rates here. It was door to door (in the parka), paid lunch and it actually made me miss the city. A little. Just a little.
And I have a headache so I’m just going to say…Thanks, everyone. I like reading your comments.
James – and I do say this with the greatest affection and respect – going on about the headache is starting to make you sound like a 1950s suburban housewife. Go lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress on your forehead and a couple of aspirin, man. The internet will wait until you feel better. Really, it will.
James, I almost cried reading this because lately, I have not only thought but voiced the same sentiment. I walked away from corporate to earn a living and have a life and I ended up creating a job – congratulations you are now still working nights and weekends but for less pay. I find myself looking at Tim Ferris with new eyes and wondering if writing should be my living or simply the passion that is funded by something else. It may be the change (or lack thereof here) in seasons that has me all deep and contemplative but yeah, freedom. Freedom.
@ RJ – Advil. Headache gone; thank you for the reminder that life won’t explode without me. I needed that.
@ Karen – I think that we writers tend to find ourselves smack in the middle of a situation before we realize that it’s coming at us. It takes guts and a wakeup call to know when it’s time to say no to something.
Harry and I often pause and say, “We didn’t sign up for this.” So we shift gears and get back to where we want to be. I think doing that is also a normal pattern for us web writers, so maybe you’re just at a shifting gears moment.
As for writing being your living… that’s for you to choose. Maybe just shift gears within where you’re heading now and it’ll all work out.
@ James The world won’t explode without you? HA! I felt the pangs of your absence without your witty tweets to keep me smiling. Thanks for the great advice! I’m a leap and then look kinda girl so this whole existential philosophical musing is uncommon but yea new direction coming or maybe its here.
@Karen – I’ve been having a hard time myself lately. Not exactly with the same issue, because I know I’m in the niche I want to be in, but in the feeling overwhelmed, working too much, should I let go of these clients that pay well and that I like simply because they’re too demanding… kind of way. I’m not a crying type of person, but I was in a total meltdown (tears and all) by the end of last week. James is so right, we don’t always see it coming till we’re sitting in it. I’m kind of jealous of James (psst don’t tell him) because I wish I had a Harry (aka the voice of reason). As for writing being your career, I felt that way about a year ago (wanting to give up), and then I shifted what I was doing. So maybe finding a new writing niche might help? Just a thought. I certainly don’t have that answer. But I wish you the best. It really is a lonely, frustrating job sometimes, this freelancing…
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@ Amy, we could all use a Harry! I love writing but lately have had much more fun writing for my blog than writing for clients. I want to write the fun stuff all the time and somehow have my life self-funded. Your advice is right on. It’s looking at my clients/niche and deciding what’s going to make me happy. Tough decisions! Thanks for the support! I’ve got extra tissue and chocolate if you have a need.
If you’d like to blog for cranky lawyers, let me know. I’ve got some extras.
I will be honest with you — I love what I do, but sometime between my 15-30 blog post of the day when I’m reading the legal docs about another kid who died from E. coli or another 30-yr-old woman who died from the Ortho Evra patch, I want to crawl in a hole and pull my hair out and scream “I ONLY WANT TO WRITE FICTION!” But at the end of the day, I feel good about what I do. Right now my goal is to trim my workload down some (huge workaholic that I am) and take some time out for some more pleasurable stuff. If that doesn’t work, I’m joining all the April Fools out there who are quitting and moving to Mars and such.
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@Karen, @Amy, we sing the same song. The long rough patches can make a mild-mannered writer want to drop-kick those people who think that freelancing is a real doddle. Sleep can help. And sometimes, shifting gears… It was the proverbial client from hell who got me into blogging. My head was going to explode if I didn’t have a chance to write what *I* wanted to write, for a change, and to do it when *I* felt like it. After {ahem} years in the trenches, writing for a living had come to feel too much, well, too much like a job. Or, on the really bad days, like prostitution. Blogging frivolously helped to remember what was supposed to be fun about it. Most days, now, I just feel incredibly grateful to be able to make a living at something that doesn’t involve asking strangers if they want fries with that.
@ Amy, I’ve done a lot of work for lawyers and really like them it’s the cranky diva other corporate types that sometimes drive me buggy. @rjleaman I hear ya! I still wake up every day dancing for joy but sometimes you get the client who not only thinks you have psychic klingon powers, says “out of the box” when they really want same old boring crap and then takes so long to pay a bill you have visions of going all ninja on them. Hmm, fries, haven’t had those in a really really long time…
I think we just started a new support group! Um thanks James.
@RJL: You know that fries joke too? I never hear the end of that one from my structural engineering roommate.
@Amy: If James is willing to share, there’s plenty of VOR to go around.
@Karen: I’ve been trying to convince James for years that the world won’t explode. Figures I would get my own dose of that this past weekend. Post about it to follow later this week.
I have such a difficult time saying no… I’m too nice for my own good sometimes. I’ve always been petrified of doing something *wrong* or causing people to not like me, so I’m extremely non-confrontational and shy. I’m getting better (heck, I’m commenting on here! That’s a huge improvement for me!), but still have a lot to work on in terms of saying “no” to people. Good for me to work on it now, so once I do get to the business world, I don’t get walked all over!
@ James – Glad you are feeling better! Working in your underwear in Canada… I would freeze!
Random question… did you ever clarify what you meant by “Chinese spaghetti”?
@ Brett – One must wonder how your coworkers feel about that…
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
@ Karen – I hear you too. I have my moments. Lately, web content jobs have been pouring in. Great for my wallet – bad for my brain. We all need an escape from reality.
Luckily, the Pen Men have plans. Soon, darlings, soon…
@ Harry – What’s a VOR? I love ya, bro, but I’m going to rant because all I’ve seen on Twitter is friggin’ acronyms for goddamned phrases that I don’t understand. SWSX, VOR, TOH, PNW, JKREMME….
Cripes, what the hell happened to SPELLING WORDS OUT!
*ahem* Thanks for listening. Like I said, you’re my bro.
@ RJ – Yes. Writing for a living means doing WHAT we love but not what we want to DO, very often.
@ Amy – Cut back. That’s too much; and this coming from the master of omnipresence.
@ Everyone – Harry’s support services are available at a small finders fee payable to James. Thank you. Please line up.
Truthfully? I’m glad I have him. I would’ve crashed a long time ago by burning myself out if I didn’t have someone to balance me. While you may not all each have partners who help support you, feel free to come and hang out here with us when you need to.
@ James…and that is why Harry is the Voice of Reason. ROFL!
@James – VOR is voice of reason. I have OCD. LOL
@Allison – I love love love Chinese spaghetti.
@Karen – that ninja image is staying with me…. can we call the support group the Drop-Kick a Diva club? I’d join.
@James again – I’ll pay you for Harry. No problem.
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@ Allison – If Harry can learn to say no, you can too. Unfortunately, it took a long time of putting up with me before he put his foot down. (okay yes and I pushed the limits, too.)
Chinese spaghetti: Stir fry garlic, one onion, a chopped pepper (red, yellow, orange or green), some sliced mushrooms and some celery. Optional: bean sprouts or other vegetables. In separate pot, cook some spaghetti (though I prefer cappellini)
Add spaghetti to stir-fried vegetables, add some soya sauce until all is black, add lots of honey (optional) and enjoy. Yum. Very common meal in Quebec.
@Harry, uh, you mean the fries thing is a joke? Maybe I should have made a reference to shovels and cow manure… or teaching high school.
@James, in lieu of Harry, I might also recommend snowshoes and a good dog.
@James: VOR = Voice of Reason. You’re on your own with the rest of those acronyms.
@RJL:
* The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?â€
* The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?â€
* The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?â€
* The graduate with a Fine Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?â€
and you can find it in this post: Is Writing an Art or a Trade?
@RJL (again): I can be replaced with snowshoes and a dog???
*falls over after taking a hard hit* please say it isn’t so…
@ Amy ROFL! I love it and now that we have a name….
@Harry – I’m allergic to dogs. So not in my case.
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@Karen – DKD for short
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@Harry I did say a *good* dog.
@Amy, ‘scuse me while I go bookmark AcronymFinder…
@Harry, you are irreplaceable!
@ Allison suddenly very hungry for sushi!
@ James and Amy – Aaahhhh enlightenment! That does sound good! Seems pretty similar to chow mein.
(garlic, check. mushrooms, check. gotta go buy a pepper, onion, and spaghetti. I always have shoyu and honey!)
@ Karen –
It’s easy to make… 
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
@Allison – There are tons of recipes to make it different ways. (Yes, even I can cook this! LOL) I have seen some that use meat, but I don’t eat meat. My way is much simpler (fewer ingredients) than James. Actually, I could eat the noodles raw (uncooked) if I had to survive in a blizzard or something. I love just the noodles alone. I ate this almost every day for a while. I am odd though. I also like mac & cheese. My niece comes over and asks why I eat like a poor person.
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
Ack! The internet ate my comment!
(BURP…)
I said something witty like this (watch the duplicate comment show up now):
@ Allison – the Ph.D. nuclear physicists wander in random patterns, muttering about the “11th dimension”, and wouldn’t notice my underwear and uncombed hair…
@ Amy – the cook has been kissed, and says “lady”
Brett Legree’s last blog post..why six weeks.
@Brett – kiss the cook back. “lady” is going to take her meltdown-arse offline now. LOL
Amy’s last blog post..Confessions of a Closet Slob
@ Amy – the cook has been kissed. He just drew a picture of me, the resemblance is striking (I have two very large empty eye sockets, and an oddly shaped toothless mouth – at least my 3-year old thinks so!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..why six weeks.
@ Amy – Sounds good! What’s wrong with mac and cheese? I LOVE mac and cheese!
@ Brett – Ah, QM… loads of fun! (actually, that wasn’t sarcastic.
) I’ve hung around physicists and physicists in training quite a bit (I was one, once upon a time), so I know what you mean. Most of them haven’t combed their hair either. 
I’ll stop now, before I start rambling about QM and many worlds theory (we’re talking about that in one of my classes now) and James and Harry cart me off to the funny house…
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
@ Allison: I never studied it formally, but I like that kind of thing. I read Michio Kaku’s site fairly regularly http://www.mkaku.org/articles/ he has a good article about The Physics of Extraterrestrial Civilizations
Brett Legree’s last blog post..why six weeks.
As usual, I had my nose so deeply buried in work that I’m late to the party. Plus the whole time difference thingy doesn’t work well with reading your posts.
Great thoughts James. I actually feel with you since I’m experiencing a similar situation right now. I’m lucky in the fact that I don’t need to and won’t travel to see clients. I guess that is the bonus of living rural.
Unless of course they want to fly me in in a private jet with champagne, nibbles and the works. Who am I to resist such a generous invitation.
I think it all comes down to saying “stop” no more for now, please join the queue if you like to. Or else I know this great…. who can help you.
The beauty of freelancing is being able to say this when we are fully booked knowing that the next client is just around the corner. (Especially when you get a site makeover from the gang)
Just wanted to let you know, I’m up to 4 new clients since the makeover and still counting.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Creating BANS Clone Sites The Easy Way
@ Monika – I live rural as well, don’t need to travel, and usually won’t travel. But sometimes, you’re facing a situation where it’s tough to say no. That’s when you’re in too deep.
YAY about the new clients and that’s VERY cool.
@ James: I understand what you mean. I guess I set my boundaries in regards to what I want to do and what not. In the end, the lure of the top dollar is powerful too.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Creating BANS Clone Sites The Easy Way
@ Monika – You made me think.
It’s not always about top dollar. Corporate clients pay very well, yes, but what they also have as a temptation is the importance factor. They are important and large and intimidating – so writers may feel intimidated to say yes. Hey, we’re just the lowly writer; who are we to turn up a working lunch with Very Important Execs?
Also, we feel important, too. Ooooh they asked us for a consultation. Oooh… We’re rubbing shoulders with the big boys. We get to schmooze and eat really nice food and dress up and feel way up in our league.
I can see where many, many writers would be influenced to say yes by any of the three aspects: money, intimidation, sense of self worth. Writers crave acceptance more than other types of people, so it’d be easy to fall into the trap.
@ Brett – I got so caught up in reading the articles, I forgot to come back and say thanks! So… thank you for the link! Although I am familiar with some of the concepts he talks about, I have never actually read his articles. Every now and then when I have the time, I’m reading an article or two.
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
I love this article. Working from home is sort of hellish when the bills aren’t paid and that one elusive job that might just mean financial stability for the next few months wants you to invest money to work with them. Gas money, commute money, whatever it might be, it’s just money you don’t have. Rough, that. I still don’t know what to do about it. ‘Fessing that you’re broke generally seems to indicate that you’re not good at what you do, which isn’t true. I just have bills, is all. Lots of them. My university still wants me to send them money for some ‘education’ I received awhile back. The nerve.
Tei’s last blog post..Well played, LunarPages
@ Tei – Staying alive and out of massive debt is the future of Gen X and Yers, I’m afraid. We all deal – you’re not alone facing that kind of crunch. We just have different types of crunches but none are fun.
That said, do what you have to do. That’s my take. If you have to do something you hate or something you don’t want to, and your survival depends on it, do it. Just screw everyone and do it. It’s temporary, it’ll pass and you’ll look back knowing that when the going gets tough, you got going.
And fessing up that you’re broke is hard… though myself, I never made bones about it. When I was broke, I said so. That was my life. It wasn’t a reflection of me.
Cheer up.
@ Tei: I’m with James on this. Hey, I’m broke all the time, I have four kids. So what? I’m alive, and I’m healthy. At least that’s how I look at it. I have some ideas that will, I believe, get me where I want to go. But my family loves me. And that’s a good thing. No matter how bad we think we have it, someone, somewhere, has it a lot worse…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
@ Tei, I second er third that! My brother taught me early on how to just be upfront. I would wait and wait to get paid, that sort of thing and never speak up. Your financial status is not a reflection on your talent. Also, one good thing about auction sites (see MWP earlier post) is fast money. If I have a break in my schedule or want to make quick cash, I can go put in a few bids on short term projects and make some fast cash. No commuting needed. Give it a whirl.
Man, you guys are sweet! I wasn’t really all that depressed about it, but I must have sounded it, since everyone broke out their “Cheer Up!” wordsmithery. Thanks for that.
Karen, I read the big exchange and blog post on auction sites, and immediately went over to elance and Guru to sign up, and I’m still futzing about getting a profile properly up and running, but I’m definitely going to be taking advantage of that outlet! Thanks to MwP and all of you for the running commentary there, because I’d only ever encountered the evil ’5 cents per article’ sorts of freelance sites before, so I would never have continued to hunt for the lucrative and legitimate equivalents.
You know, it’s funny, I AM broke, but I’m also working from a home office and properly running a freelance writing business full-time, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. This is rapidly becoming one my favorite forums to talk about it in, so thanks for being here.
Tei’s last blog post..When I was a girl, we were taught how to write.
I’ll tell you a story, Tei.
Unionized salary, $20 an hour. Paid vacation per year: 6 weeks. Paid mobile sick days per year: 7. Position: Supervisory administrative. Potential for promotion: High.
I lost that when the company moved two cities over. I took three months off and went back into horses full time.
For five years, I shoveled shit in a stable, groomed big-ass horses that were high-strung and dangerous, and guided absolute newbies around on horseback in the woods.
Salary: $8 an hour. Lunch: Unpaid. Vacation: None. Job security: Seasonal, 5 months a year.
I was never happier. Except for now.
@ James “For five years, I shoveled shit in a stable” That explains a lot! LOL! Okay, sorry you made it too easy! LOL!
@ Tei welcome to the revolution! Freedom! If you need help with Elance or Guru let me know. I’m happy to share my inside tips.
That is a wonderful story. Shoveling horseshit. It just doesn’t get any more romantic than that.
Myself, I worked as a swordfighting instructor for a dear friend, whose business never did get off the ground. Watching him did teach me an awful lot about running one, though, and I josh with him now about his failure being my success.
Karen, I’ll definitely be hitting you up for that information in about a week. I DO actually have a few assignments right now – have to go run and finish an article for the SF Chronicle right this second, actually – but I’ll be wondering what to do with myself next week, so I’ll probably come seeking guidance about then. Thanks for offering!
Tei’s last blog post..When I was a girl, we were taught how to write.
@ James: the best job I ever had was the first one I had out of school. I make over double the money now. But that first job was the best one. Freedom, challenge, camaraderie. The boss kept a beer fridge in the office. But he couldn’t pay a lot. Times changed for me, and I had to leave. The boss actually cried when I left. I still keep in touch with him. Awesome guy.
Money is nice. You need money to pay the bills for sure. But we need to be happy too. By the way I love your story too. It reminds me of my story of wanting to trade places with that farmer.
I’ll sharpen my saw and clear your woodlot… what do you want, corn or potatoes?
@ Tei: keep at it. Never give up. You write very well (in my non-expert opinion). And you have a great blog. You’ll get there. What is your novel about?
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.
Thank you muchly for the blog compliment, Brett! It’s a new venture for me and it’s a little difficult to keep going with brand-new traffic (i.e., good friends and family and the occasional other browsing writer). Come around and commentate anytime you want!
It’s funny, I was just looking through MwP archives and saw their redesign on your blog. It looks amazing. I may have to hire these guys to do something pretty and exciting to mine. If I were a rich woman. Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba deedle deedle dum.
The novel I was working on was about a call girl. I was interested in how a high-class call girl basically has the same sort of responsibilities in a relationship as an upper-class married woman, minus the child-rearing. It’s on hold right now, while I learn to be a professional, but I’d like to return to it soon.
Tei’s last blog post..Link to my article!
Hi Tei, you are very welcome – the graphic really grabs a viewer when landing at the site, so you have something special there. I will definitely be back to hang out.
The other thing I wanted to say was WOO HOO congratulations on your first article in the SF Chronicle!!! That is so wonderful
I am so happy for you.
And thank *you* for the blog compliment. I still stare at the new design, the Men did a bang up job. You will get there, and then they can work on your blog if you want. For now, I think it is perfect.
That is a very original idea you have for your novel. I think it would do very well. Thank you for sharing that!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the power of one.