Who Would You Date In the Blogosphere?
Every so often, we feature guest bloggers rising up in the world. Two of our good friends (and upcoming hits on the Internet) have graciously offered us a look into bloggers and online dating – they’re not so different as you may think.
Please welcome Alex and Elizabeth Fayle and their very first collaborative guest post ever. (Have they started a new trend?) We’re proud to give this post a home, so enjoy your read.
The Internet is all about hooking up. We should know — we both met our partners this way.
During the search for our respective Mr. Right, we discovered a lot about online relationships. When we began blogging, we realized that the people skills we developed on dating sites could apply equally to the blogosphere.
Online, in any relationship, you need to learn to look past the profile and words on the screen to find out if the person or blog is a good match for you. Sometimes you know right away; other times it takes a while. If you don’t develop these skills, though, you could end up in an uncomfortable (if not downright dangerous) situation.
Don’t worry; we’re here to help. In our online travels, we discovered three categories for your potential hookups:
- The Wackos
- The Perils
- The Authentics
We have met all three types of people in our online experiences, and each has very distinct traits. Here’s what to look for:
The Wackos
Wackos are easy to spot.
In dating, they show up for a date dressed up like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley or talk about imminent alien invasions and try to convince you to come live in their bomb shelter.
In the blogosphere, Wackos make extremely outrageous claims about their experiences and achievements. What the Wackos pass off as fact easily verifies as complete fabrication and myth.
With Wackos, it’s all about them. They leave one-liner comments just to get their names out there, and their posts scream, “Look at me!” Or they can be downright toxic in their comments.
Wackos are fun to bait to see just how outrageous they can get, but you really don’t want a repeat date with them, and you certainly don’t want them hanging about your blog. Get too many Wackos commenting on your site, and your own authenticity and professionalism might get called into question.
Stay away from their blogs and, if necessary, delete their comments. Whatever you do, do not engage Wackos in debate. That just seems to encourage them.
The Perils
You may often have difficulties spotting the Perils.
In the beginning, they Perils come across as genuine Authentics (which we’ll explore in a minute). At first, they appear very interested in you. They ask questions and nod their head in empathy.
Over time, however, they slowly start to dominate conversations, and your opinions are no longer asked for. If you do offer up opinions, the Perils tell you that you don’t know what you are talking about.
Perils write interesting blog posts that seem to be well researched. They leave long, thoughtful comments on your site. They might even send emails to you, praising your posts.
But after a while, your gut instinct tells you something isn’t quite right. Maybe a Peril’s posts jump about and reveal inconsistencies, or you feel the Peril might be misleading readers somehow. Maybe the Peril just doesn’t line up with your values and ethics.
Perils may even start to twist the message of your blog posts in the comment section and turn the conversation in a direction you didn’t intend, making other readers uncomfortable about adding their own opinions.
This category is dangerous and extremely difficult to deal with because at their worst they can drive traffic away from your blog and yet still be considered genuine Authentics by many fellow bloggers.
Challenging Perils could open up to a flame war. You don’t want that. Our advice? Step away quietly from their blogs and continue to respond to comments on your own blog, but keep your comments short and impersonal.
The Authentics
Authentics are good. You want Authentics in your life. These people believe that building a relationship is all about getting to know the other person.
Right from the start, Authentics want to know about you. Sure, they talk about themselves, but they’re simply sharing information and making you feel at ease. They make contact, don’t interrupt, and ask open-ended questions.
The Authentics tell a story about themselves or pull together some interesting facts on a subject, but they also ask for your opinions and experiences. They encourage conversation within their community and with new readers. When Authentics comment on other blogs, they enhance the message of the post.
You want long-lasting relationships with these people.
Perhaps they aren’t The One, but Authentics often end up making excellent friends. They are loyal people, contribute to a positive experience for everyone, and are conscientious and ethical in the information they present.
To learn how to be a better Authentic, check out the Men With Pen’s post 13.2 Ways to Build a Thriving Blog Community
What We Learned: The Summary
The Internet gives us the incredible opportunity to meet people we wouldn’t normally meet. Unfortunately, we can’t always take people at face value. In person, we can read body language, look at how someone dresses, and observe how they interact with others.
We don’t have those clues online. We need to find ways to discern whom we want in our lives, whether it be daily life or an online community.
Have some fun with the Wackos or the Perils, but fall in love with the Authentics. Pay attention and listen to your instinct. If it says a person or situation isn’t right, then walk away and go look for long-lasting healthy relationships.
As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and there are plenty of bloggers in the surf.
If you liked this post, visit the blogsites of:
Alex Fayle, a Writer and Professional Organizer who cures people of the dreaded Someday Syndrome after discovering how to overcome his own 25-year obstacle. Want to stop putting off your “someday” dreams? Visit Alex’s site and learn how to cure your Someday Syndrome for a better life.
Elizabeth Fayle, a Canadian Government Widget Pusher and Writer often called the Erma Bombeck of the blogosphere. Visit her Urban Panther’s Lair, where she and her partner take a look at coupled life to answer the question, “Can the English and French ever understand each other?”
Hm. It’s gonna take a looootta patience, folks. 
49 Responses to “Who Would You Date In the Blogosphere?”
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Between the creative analogy and the collaborative posting, this article really pulled off originality on all points.
The only improvement I can think of would be adding photos…you know, a profile photo of the Peril with the creepy smile. Or the bizarrely dressed Wacko you so vividly described.
Kudos!
@Zoe – I seriously had a guy show up dressed just like Squiggy. Complete with greased curl down his forehead, high top sneakers, stove pipe jeans and hawaiian shirt.
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Folks, just to let you know the link to Alex’s site at the end of the post is screwed up.
Ah, that reminds me, did ever tell you about the time I had to deal with a perilous screwed up link…
@Gary – oh well, my link works! (she says with an evil sisterly laugh). And no, I don’t recall this perilous link story. Did it take people off to somewhere naughty?
Urban Panthers last blog post..Creative collaboration
Alex, Panther,
Congrats on a great joint post!
At my blog: 3 Wackos, a few Perils, but lucky for me, mostly Authentics. I don’t do online dating, so I’ll have to take your word for it, but in real life… yeah, seen them all.
They don’t come any more Authentic than Panther and Alex. Partnering with you two at your blogs is a smooth, easy move.
And who would I date? Brett, but he’s married… Alex, but he’s too handsome and out of my league (Panther ditto—that’s some good genes)… Amy, but she’s too far away… I like to date friends, and through reading your blogs and having you become readers of mine, I feel like we are friends. Only Authentics can do really deep give-and-take in the long run.
Regards,
Kelly
Kellys last blog post..Inspiration Points: Why Having the Coolest Ads is NOT the Way to Go
Hey Urban,
Love the blog reader/writer profiling. I always thought it would be interesting to meet the people behind the posts, and then I had to laugh. You’d think it would be this great party with everyone chatting. Perhaps that wouldn’t be the case.
I went to an after-reading party once. (Actually, it was for Paul Quarrington, who you may know of — though I hold him blameless in this account…) As you might expect, the party was populated by mostly writers. It was very eerie — they all acted like me! All of us standing there, backs to the walls, nervous smiles limping across our faces, introspectively talking into our wine glasses, admiring the dining room for the 15th time…
You kind of get this vision of writers taking on the personality of their characters, much like you assume actors are exactly like the person they play on TV. Wrong on both accounts.
So I do still wonder what that party of bloggers would be like. And would the Wacko/Peril/Authentic labels hold up?
Perhaps we should host a retreat. Though it will have to be in Niagara-on-the-Lake — that wine did help the party after a little while…
~Graham
@ Gary – Fixed, and thanks for catching that!
@ Kelly – Hey! You didn’t mention me! And Brett?! (Bro, that’s so unfair.)
@ Graham – Hmmm… That’s a beautiful little location, been there a few times myself. We could get some Inniskillen for the wine and cheese starter, schmooze the room, get drunk, switch to beer and shots, proclaim how much we love each other and what best friends we all are, swim in someone’s pool and get kicked out, laugh all the way back to the hotel, puke twice on the way, wake up with hangovers and decide we really hate blogger parties and never go back to one again.
Graham,
One of my fave spots. It would be lovely for a party to remember, wouldn’t it?
James,
Hmm.
Until later,
Kelly
Kellys last blog post..Inspiration Points: Why Having the Coolest Ads is NOT the Way to Go
@James – hey, it wouldn’t be a party if you could find the hotel after… As for choice of wine, I’d have to go with Vineland. I don’t drink much white, but the Vineland Riesling is quite good. And sweet enough to give you quite the hangover!
BTW, broken into a few swimming pools in my time, including one along that same stretch of highway — Confederation Park I think it’s called, in around Stoney Creek? The towel comes in handy for both drying off and traversing the barbed wire…
@Kelly — I was just there about a week ago — beautiful this time of year! The leaves haven’t quite started to turn, but they are thinking about it (they probably are now though) and the grapes are getting bigger all the time. Got some great pics — I’ll have to share sometime. Found out that Wayne Gretzky now has his own winery along the wine route. Very sad, but hey, I’d love to do that myself one day!
~Graham
Let’s see… who would I date… Harry or James? Both elbows look really good…
@Urban Panther – Hmm, you forgot to describe The Kinkies in your post, or do you class them under Wacko…?
I love the brother and sister guest post. Elizabeth, no kidding? You had a guy really dress up as Squiggy? That’s hysterical/horrifying.
I’m all for a blogging party. We are hosting one when the Lion and I get married, but don’t hold your breath. It’s going to be a big backyard party, so you have to wait until all our outdoor renos are done….2…3…or so years. In the meantime, you can guarantee the Lion would be game for any location that features wine.
@Graham – think I’m pretty much like my online persona, although your description of all these writers lined up like wallflowers totally cracked me up. Ah, but we suffer so for our art. LOL Seriously, pump the Lion full of wine, heck not even pump, a glass will do, and you’d have to be a tenacious weed to stay glued to the wall.
@Karen – aren’t they totally sexy elbows?!
@Gary – kinkies. Ya, a breed all their own. And why do they all seem to congregate on this site?
@Kelly – ya, we are a good looking family aren’t we? *grin* And you should see our brother, Rob?
Urban Panthers last blog post..Creative collaboration
Hey, hey, speak for yourselves, wallflowers! I’ll be the one making chaos that everyone gets involved in!
@Panther – lol — then it’s settled. Three years from now in your backyard. I’ll be the quiet one in the corner ’til glass #3…
Get enough wine going, and your “who would you date from the blogosphere” question just might get answered…
~Graham
Thank goodness my current relationship is awesome so’s I don’t gotta have that tickle in the back of me head.
With that said, I’ve observed the wacko to authentic ratio is skewed in favor of the wackos.
This is a good prompt to be insightful and examine which category we fall in. Of course we all believe we are authentic, but I would challenge everyone to really look at their habits. If you are truthful with yourself I’ll bet there are times you’re a bit wacko, other times very authentic.
It’s worth examining.
So, there’s my authentic opinion.
Here’s my Wacko: Hey! Great Post! Come visit my site!!!!
Tumblemooses last blog post..Viral Blogging
I about peed myself reading this post. It’s SO true! You two make a good blogging team, you should consider making it a regular thing.
I dated mostly wackos, a few perils, maybe one or two authentics.. No comment on which category my hubby falls into.
I think some of these online personas just have communication problems. Maybe they need to be taught not to be creepy.
Kelly,
(Does that qualify as the kinkies category? Darn, I was aiming for funny yet friendly.)
I’d date ya. I don’t put out, but I we could shop for shoes, and go to the movies.
Jamies last blog post..Picking the Brain of Naomi Dunford
[quote] “Can the English and French ever understand each other?†[/quote]
No, never
I’m learning now French again. Each time when my English and French teacher meet outside for smoking they make fun out of each other.
“What have the French ever get done besides Napoleon and some criminals?”
@ Martin – Exactly. Those bastards from France, sullying our good Quebecois credentials… I mean, really. We have poutine, guaranteed to clog arteries and cause heart attacks! Then there is the Front de Liberation du Quebec, our very own terrorist group! Of course, we have the ever-common language wars too, and shoddy treatment for those paltry Englishmen who DARE to order a hamburger at McDonalds. Don’t they know it’s pronounced ‘ambehrgehr?
@Writer Dad – yes, he showed up dressed like that, only he wasn’t even doing it to be funny. He was serious!
@Tumblemoose – okay, fair is fair. I went to your site (and if my site is viral, I just hope people don’t get too sick). Now, have you been to mine? Hmmmm?
@Jamie – I had a lot of fun writing with Alex. There was a lot of back and forth, and the only thing similar to the very first draft is one or two lines, but that was all part of the creative process. So, yes, I hope to do more. Re: you don’t put out. LOL, thanks for sharing that.
@Martin – I quit French lessons because I would come home all proud of myself and the Lion would tell me that I was saying it wrong and the teacher didn’t know what he was talking about. Apparently, I was learning French not Quebecois! Now, I just try and mimic whatever the Lion and his family say. But I do NOT take any of it to work (I work in the Fed govt) because I would likely get my ass fired!
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@James – I knew you would jump in there, mon ami. My daughter’s boyfriend tried to buy beer at the depanneur yesterday. AND he very nicely spoke in French (when in Rome). The girl did NOT understand at all, even though she clearly didn’t speak any English. He came home all frustrated and said “It never occured to me that she didn’t speak French!” Poor boy doesn’t know how to speak Gatineau.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Creative collaboration
@James: Lol, I have to test this pronunciation on a local McDonalds. Here it is “Hambourger” (don’t have any idea how to write an German “A” in English.) So you don’t know if they want some meat or an inhabitant of Hamburg. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamburg )
I think, Akismet had eaten up my link to the German city Hamburg. So in German the word for “hamburger” and the inhabitants of Hamburg sounds alike.
@ Martin – Rescued! Thanks for letting me know. Plus, you saved a lovely damsel in distress who’d gotten ensnared for another post.
@James – I’m lovely, and I’m a damsel, so if you were referring to me, I am writing a post based on this discussion, well, loosely based. Yep, it’s going up Monday!
Urban Panthers last blog post..Creative collaboration
Wine? Did someone mention wine?
This was brilliant.
I completely agree that online, and this is true for real life too actually, it’s really important to listen to your instincts and to never be afraid to walk away from an uncomfortable situation.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Am I The Only One Who Thinks This Is Weird?
BTW, Happy Thanksgiving to all you Canadians!
Jamies last blog post..Picking the Brain of Naomi Dunford
@ Jamie – Only four days in advance, but thanks!! LOL
@Vered – yes, for some reason we think we need to keep interacting, when really it’s in nobody’s best interest.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Creative collaboration
Oops! There goes that foot in mouth thing again. Happy Friday then!
Jamies last blog post..Picking the Brain of Naomi Dunford
Panther, I always forget you have a name. So at first I was like “Wait a minute here, does Alex have a beard-wife named Elizabeth?”
*smacks self in head* Anyhow…….
This was cool.
I’ll confess, I kept thinking “I wonder if I’m the authentic or the wacko?” I mean, I’m authentically crazy, so, hmph.
I don’t think I have the patience for online dating. Kudos to you both those. You’ve obviously done well for yourself — outside that whole Squiggy.incident.
@Amy – OMG ROFL LMAO
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Well, I can genuinely say, Well Done! However, I think there’s a time and place for Wackos, that’s what reality shows are for.
Davinas last blog post..Thanks, It Means The World To Me
Love the analogy of comparing blogging and online dating. I hadn’t thought of it before, but then I haven’t had any experience with online dating. I do know a few people who have married after meeting online though so it’s nice to know I have two more blogging friends who have found love this way.
As for your three types of people, I’d say I agree and I delete the wackos immediately at SHE-POWER and I try to stay away from the Perils. I am lucky in that I’m usually a pretty good judge of character and I can quickly determine if a blogger is my kind of person. I prefer hanging out with straight shooting, but positive empathetic types. People with trouble making agendas I avoid wherever possible.
Good work guys. Love the team approach.
Kelly
Kelly@SHE-POWERs last blog post..SHE-POWER Fiction: A Taste of Eve
Jamie,
Right back at ya. Except the shop for shoes thing. I have this odd problem, I love owning great shoes but I hate shopping for them. So I’ll let you go shopping and you can bring me gifts like some folks get flowers. Then my feet will look great without all that nasty effort, LOL.
And then I can go to the movies in my new awesome shoes.
I’d just like to note that hardly anyone answered the title question. I knew I was going to be out of touch for the day, and I was looking forward to coming back to a bunch of fascinating revelations about who’d date whom. Harumpf.
Later,
Kelly
P.S. James, you didn’t mention me either.
Kellys last blog post..1st Ever Maximum Customer Experience Conference FREE Right Now!
@ Kelly – Well, if I did, then I’d completely shatter that air of mystery going on about Mr. Chartand, now wouldn’t I?
I’d take Brian Clark on a date as long as I didn’t have to sleep with him.
Brian was my first blog-crush. Yup.
Kellys last blog post..1st Ever Maximum Customer Experience Conference FREE Right Now!
@ Kelly – That’s just because I wasn’t around yet.
^ Thinks I have a crush on him. ^
No, it’s because he’s smart and handsome.
Kellys last blog post..1st Ever Maximum Customer Experience Conference FREE Right Now!
Oh, what, and I’m ugly and stupid? Pfft, you’re fired.
^ Has a crush on me. ^
You, dear, are invisible, literally (though your stock-photo arm is cute…), and sometimes, figuratively, y’know. My favorite MCE disappearing act.
But you are deliciously brilliant.
Kellys last blog post..1st Ever Maximum Customer Experience Conference FREE Right Now!
Hey James,
Sorry, I just wanted share something with you because you are first blogger who, for the first time answered back to comment in a generous way.
You know I had just written a post on “secrets for choosing a Domain name”. And after reading my own post I helped my sister ( who is an interior designer )to choose her first domain name wwwDotlivinglayoutsDotcom
And I think its really catchy name . LOL Is it normal get excited for your own post ?
Sorry again I just wanted to share my feeling.
God Bless
@Kelly – About the lack of addressing the actual question – just goes to show that most of us *are* introverted wallflowers.
I suspect that although you can surmise a lot about a person by their posts and comments, I don’t think you can know enough about whether or not to date. For example, I am always amazed by the amount of people who reveal they are introverts when in their posts they are sharp and witty and confident — I just imagine them to be extroverted. And in cyberspace we all are (especially writer types).
Perhaps it is the less face-to-face time. Fleet of pen on the ‘Net, foot-in-mouth in person,
There must be other facets of our personalities that don’t come through. I do think that we can pretty much decide who we would like to hang out with and who we wouldn’t in the blogosphere, but date? A bit more difficult without knowing those intangibles that only in-person meetings (and the aforementioned wine) could bring.
Despite this theory, I’ll step away from the wall for a moment and make my declaration based on what I know of people in this blogosphere. I’ll preface it by saying I am happily married with a great family that I would never want to leave. Hypothetically though, if this was not the case, I think I’d ask you out on a date. You seem vivacious and extroverted and fun-loving and willing to do anything for a laugh.
Not incidentally, these are the same qualities I fell in love with in my own wife.
So there you have it — a (perhaps fascinating) revelation for you. And further proof that getting what you wish for can be a double-edged sword…
~Graham
*cues music, throws flower petals, pops the cork of the champagne…*
Graham,
Aww.
Tx.
Hrm… Garrison Keillor was my first blog crush. Wonder what that says about me??