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Who Would You Thank for Helping You Get Where You Are?
I don’t usually broadcast sentimental moments. I reserve them for late nights when no one is around, or when James catches me off guard, or when I have a speck of dust in my eye while watching the end of the original Terminator.
Tonight, while browsing through my web comics and other stuff I save for reading over coffee in the morning, I noticed that one of my favorite writers, Dan Savage, had posted an update.
Dan has written several excellent books. He’s gay (and he isn’t afraid to let the world know), and his books and column reach beyond a gay audience. Like any good writer, Dan’s writing encompasses so much more and reaches everyone. Both James and I have read and enjoyed Dan’s books very much.
Dan writes about life, and everyone can relate to the situations he covers. Alright, he writes about sex, too. He is, after all, a sex advice columnist – but I didn’t start reading Dan’s books for his sex advice, I swear.
So when I read the Savage Love update of April 3, I was surprised to learn that Dan’s mother had died. It hurt. I felt sad and affected. After having read so many of Dan’s books and learned about the woman, I felt like I knew Dan’s mother, too.
Dan’s mother died. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t bang out an article. I can’t say that I blame him. With both of my parents growing older, I’m often struck with the thought that one day they won’t be here either.
Yeah, death is a part of life. I know. Everyone faces it eventually. But if James can have his moments of introspection, so can I, and this is one of them.
Adversity Builds Character
Dan’s article wasn’t a eulogy for his mother. As he wrote, “Eulogizing my mother back here with the escort ads? So let’s not think of this as a eulogy. Let’s think of it as a thank-you note, the kind of nicety that my mother appreciated.”
That made me think. How did I get here? How did I become so successful and happy with my life?
I didn’t do it alone, that’s for damn sure. Nobody does. You might think you do, but you don’t. Even the people you thought were holding you back helped you get where you are today.
Those people were the ones that pushed you to prove them wrong, kind of like in Conan the Barbarian. Thulsa Doom tells Conan, “My child, you have come to me my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.”
If Thulsa hadn’t have killed both of Conan’s parents, Conan wouldn’t have been driven to be the person he became. He could have ended up a dirt farmer for the rest of his life.
To all the people who challenged me with adversity, thank you.
For All the Good People
I’ve made a habit of telling people how I feel about them before it’s too late. I tell my parents how great they are and how much I appreciate them all the time. If one or both of my parents were to die tomorrow, I wouldn’t have any regrets.
There are other people to thank for helping me reach where I am, too. And you know what? Even these people challenge me with adversity. Guess that’s the hallmark of a good friend. If they didn’t give you a shove every now and then, what good are they? I certainly don’t want to be surrounded by yes men.
I thank James for being my best bud and shaking me by the shoulders when I’ve stayed a little too long at the pity party. He has a way of changing my perspective and presenting me with challenges. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.
Over the past couple of years, James pushed (sometimes not so gently) me out of the comfort zone, and as a result, I expanded my base of knowledge. I’m a much better person for it.
I thank my friend Pete for giving me the opportunity to quit my day job and have a secure environment to get this business off the ground. If it weren’t for Pete, I would never have learned to ride a motorcycle or learned how to work on the bike.
That was the deal, you know. He said that if I got a bike, I’d have to take care of maintenance myself. If you think it’s easy to be a bike mechanic, go ahead and spend two days on a valve adjustment. Then come back and talk to me.
I’d like to thank the RPG community at large. Gaming gave me a chance to hone my storytelling skills and become a better writer. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that playing games is just for kids. It’s good for the soul, no matter what your age.
I’d also like to thank you readers for helping make Men with Pens what it is today.
*cue the “You’re running out of time” music.*
Anyway, thanks for putting up with my sappy indulgence. We now return to our regularly scheduled program.
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With an over-egged sentimentalist hat on – my parents for supporting and sustaining me through University, my wife for putting up with severe mood swings when deadlines for the likes of Science magazine were pressing hard in the early days, and my kids for making it all worthwhile.
db
David Bradley’s last blog post..Spying on the Chemical Spy
Wow. Interesting post.
You touched on something that resonated with me years ago, when I first read all those Carlos Castenada books (no it wasn’t peyote, or running in the dark naked).
The idea of a ‘worthy opponent’, somebody who resists you or fights you and in the process makes you stronger, is (I think) totally in line with ‘adversity builds character’. Don’t know how good I can be until I fail. Don’t know how much it hurts until I push the limit. Examples go on forever, but there’s truth in the idea that you need to experience negative influences to firstly know them, and secondly overcome them.
Your post is bigger than this thought, I know. But it whacked me over the head, and I wanted to get these words down.
That’s a very moving post, Harry – thank you for sharing it. The part about Dan Savage affected me the most, and I didn’t even know of him before I read what you wrote today.
I almost lost my parents back in 1985 (motorcycle accident) and it totally changed my paradigm. I started living for today, way back then at the ripe old age of 16. It didn’t mean I forgot about the future, just that “the future” might mean reading to the end of this comment.
Take the time to thank the people in your life, and to be thankful for what you have. You may not get another chance.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..on being grounded.
Harry,
Aww. Really sweet. Brett, Naomi, you, what’s next?
(I’ve got a goopy one I wrote about a year ago. If one more person goes off the thank-you diving board I’m going to think about dusting it off.)
I thank my daughter. She’s only 9, but she’s been through almost all the hell I’ve been through in my adult life, and somehow she’s sane, kind, generous, adventurous, and vivid. No one who knows where we’ve been and then looks at her could ever spend a moment in self-pity, especially not me. She’s the reason for everything.
You’re still sleeping, and I’m off to get ready for work shortly. Blowing a kiss for this beautiful post.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Tax Tips
Well said, Harry. I make a habit of telling people exactly how much I appreciate them.
A few years ago, one of my high school mentors died, and at his big memorial service (1000+ people in a town of 28,000), everybody was saying how they wished they could have told him X or Y or Z before he died. One person, a close friend of the mentor, was even a bit angry that nobody had done exactly that when they had the chance.
It wasn’t easy to see my mentor go, but the fact that 6 months earlier I had written a 5-page letter telling him exactly how much I appreciated all the help he gave me through high school and college … that made it easier.
People, don’t wait till a memorial service to sum up how much you appreciate people.
People are temporary.
They will die before you are ready for them to, gone in an instant, perhaps even in your arms.
They will be taken from you when you are unprepared, and the news reaches you too late to say goodbye.
This is not said to depress you. This is the nature of life. People die. But more importantly, they have *lived*.
Don’t cling to people, fearful they’ll one day be gone … for they will, each one, and with no exception. Instead, enjoy them now. Revel in them regularly. Be thankful for the gift that is each day you have with them. Draw from their presence in your life and let who they are shape who you are in the ways that are right and good and valuable. Then, when they are gone, you have an abundance of fulfilling memories instead of the gaping void of loss most others will experience.
You can’t ‘lose’ people. They aren’t ‘yours’ to begin with. But their contributions to your life, your heart, your personality, your perspective, your attitude, your strength, your nature … those, mercifully, you get to keep.
James and Harry, I’m a better person just from being around you. You continue to influence those around you in ways that are right and good and valuable.
You all know what you need to do for those whom you value. Don’t delay.
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Dave,
*sniff* So beautiful. So true. I’m gonna need a fresh box of tissues.
I didn’t know it could get so mushy around here!
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Tax Tips
Harry:
The title of this article positively caught my attention because while there were many people who made a huge impact on my life, there was one person in particular who caused a huge ripple effect with three simple words. I even have a keynote presentation surrounding this person – a fifth grade teacher who stunned a little deaf boy (me) with three incredibly empowering words.
All she said was: THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!
The scrawny little boy that I was (with yellow buckteeth and a monstrous hearing aid box that stuck out like a sore thumb on my chest) sat ramrod straight with the biggest smile he could muster.
Imagine that.
Years later I gave a surprise of a lifetime on a national TV show and thanking her for those three words. She had no clue why she was going on this TV show until she was reassured that it was not like “Jerry Springer.”
Contact me if you want to see the stories and video. I’d be glad to link you up to the right places at my blog for some inspiration.
Stephen Hopson’s last blog post..Stephen Hopson Interview with Harry and James, Men with Pens, Part II of II
This was a lovely post, and it made me a little sad and contemplative. My parents, naturally, one of whom (and we will not name names) was stalking my new house on Google Earth last night and getting very excited about it, because they raised me up right, because there has never been room to question their love for me, ever.
There is a little circle of kindred that I DO call mine, just as much as I’m theirs, and without the unconditional love that comes from them, I know I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t be as happy, either. That’s all they’ve ever cared about, any of these kin, my happiness. I have four friends who love me that deeply, and I know exactly how fortunate I am to have them. There is no way of losing these people. None. Death is nothing to that, nothing to love that always abides.
As for worthy adversaries . . . mine just sent a boatload of traffic to my blog, and now I have to figure out a suitable revenge. ‘Scuse please. It’s getting all weepy over here, and it’s too early in the morning for that. I need some scrambled eggs.
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Harry,
That’s awesome.
We’re often so busy with “life” that not only do we fail to stop and smell the roses, but we often don’t think about who tended the garden and planted them in the first place.
Thanks for sharing.
Nez’s last blog post..The Lure of Ludlum
@Dave B: I’ve got a hat like that too, only it’s more of a crash helmet so the eggs don’t hurt so much.
@Mark: Yeah, it’s like looking at the negative space in a drawing. The negative space defines the boundaries of the positive – or is that the other way around?
@Brett: I knew you’d like this one. If you liked Dan’s column you should read his books. “The Kid” and “The Commitment” are excellent.
@Kelly: There must be something in the blogosphere water. I’ve been reading everyone else’s outpourings of sentiments and I didn’t have any intention of getting deep. But it was late at night and Dan’s column took me by surprise.
@Dave N: In the spirit of Aloha, I have one word for you: Manawa. Now is the moment of power. Thanks for your added insight, it mirrors a lot of my own.
@Kelly (again): *passes her some more tissues*
@Stephen: It’s amazing how one or two words can change a person’s life, innit?
@Tei: I know what you mean, I feel that way too. Often. I think because now my parents are getting older and my mom and I are more sensitive to this sort of thing now that she and dad are getting older.
Just last night mom called me for help finding a font. She was really touched that I just dropped everything to help her out. In fact, she called me twice more that night just to say thank you and add, “Harry, you’re such an angel, you really are.”
If that’s not enough to get a grown man choked up, I don’t know what is.
@Nez: Nice analogy, thank you.
When there stops being a place in the world for – what was it you called it? “sappy indulgence”? – let’s call it “heartfelt sentiment,”shally we? When there stops being a place in the world where it’s okay for a grown-up motorcycle-repairing Man With Pen to say thanks to thepeople who helped to make him who he is and get him where he’s at, we might as well all go climb to the top of a solitary pillar or into the ancient heart of a hollowed-out oak, and buckle right down to the serious silent business of being fulltime hermits. So there. Going to find my hanky now…
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@RJL: I can see I’ll have to break out the Costco sized box of tissues for everyone today.
I know! I’m getting all weepy over here. Men with Pens for the Soul.
Tei’s last blog post..Welcome IttyBiz Peeps!
I had trouble editing this post because I kept having to stop. Blurry vision. I love you, too, bro.
I’m having trouble reading the comments here as well, because they’re so touching.
Dad, thank you. I miss you a lot.
@ Harry: I’ll be sure to check out Dan’s stuff. You can tell very much that his words come from deep inside.
He is right. Your family can give you so much, and from time to time we are able to give in return. I have a funny story to share about my mother, well, sort of funny as it involves a broken bone…
All of us fell as children, and no doubt mom was there to help us up, to mend our wounds and help us to feel better. Three years ago I got to return the favour. My mother fell in my driveway while trying to get into the car (she is stubborn, and didn’t want to wait for my dad), and she broke her right arm just above the wrist.
So my father took her off to the hospital, and I followed.
(Setting the scene a bit here – we live in a very small town, so the medical facilities are “interesting”.)
When I arrived at the ER, my mother was already on a bed and they had given her some pain medication. The doctor on call then said to me, “I need your help”.
He went on to explain that they were short staffed that day, and I was going to have to help him pull my mother’s arm back into alignment so that they could apply the cast to set the bones.
!!!!!!!
(If you’re squeamish, stop reading now!)
So, I grasped her arm just above the elbow, and he proceeded to lean back and pull on her arm with all of his weight, I figure. Someone else then applied the cast.
Later on my mother asked me why I had laughed nervously part way through this and I said, “mom, I could feel the bones click back into place!”
Every once in a while, you get to return the favour and help out your folks and family. I’ll miss that one day, but I’ll never forget it.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..on being grounded.
*wipes tears and hugs Harold*
Amy’s last blog post..HELP: an Acronym, a Tall Order
@Brett: Sometimes in situations like that, you have to find a little humor.
That made me think of two years ago when my mom went into the hospital for major surgery. Unfortunately there is no punchline to this one (get your tissues again).
Mom had been diagnosed with what the doctors thought might have been a cancerous tumor in her kidneys. They wanted to go in and make sure it wasn’t that. Luckily for all of us, it wasn’t. It was something else that was fixable.
But I remember going to visit mom in the hospital the day after. Seeing her in the bed was enough of a tear-jerker, but the thought of losing her hit even harder, even though the danger had passed.
I was overwhelmed and now that things were going to be okay, it was alright to break down.
I told her, “I know I’ve caused my share of problems when I was younger, I’m not perfect, but I the one thing that kept going through my mind in the waiting room yesterday was, was I a good son? Did I do everything I could? Did you know I loved you? I try to tell you and Dad that all the time, but…”
Mom stopped me and put her hand on mine, “Harry,” she chuckled, “You weren’t perfect, that’s for sure.” I know she was thinking of my stormy adolescence and a few things that happened in later years, “But you’re a good son.”
Okay, I have to go now. That one just hit hard.
Aw, and there’s my Pandora with perfect timing. Thanks, Amy.
Harry, you’ve got the heart and soul of a good man. Beautifully done.
And Dave, I agree that taking the time to say the words and write the letters is an important part of being a whole person. Get it said, get it out there.
Ya gotta love people that aren’t afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves, and those that aren’t afraid to snap them out of it as needed. (That with a nod to my buddy, James.)
Ruthy
@ Harry: that’s a very touching story. I’ve been there, I know exactly where you are coming from.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..on being grounded.
Wow, we’re getting p. deep over here today…
There was an incident a couple of years back when two of my friends died in a car accident – sisters. They weren’t screwing off or anything – in fact, they were making college visits (the parent drove). The girls died together as they were being carted off the scene – the parent lived.
See, I have a little sister of my own and as it turns out, we’re the same ages as these girls who passed away. It hit me: that could have been little sister and me. Now there’s a wake-up call I won’t soon forget. What if I died tomorrow – it could happen.
I started wondering, what would happen if one of the sisters survived – what would happen if my little sister were killed and I lived? Truthfully, I don’t know HOW I would continue living without her and I really don’t want to compound that feeling with regrets for not telling her what she means to me.
Now, I let her know. I never abandon her for other friends or pass up chances to just spend time together. A lot of us take family for granted, because they’re SUPPOSED to be there, no matter what. Turns out, she’s my best friend as well and I will never take that for granted again.
RLD: Taekwondo Happiness’s last blog post..Whoops!
You’re making me cry, all of you! :’(
Such a beautiful post and wonderful comments… I’ll probably be back with one of my own after my classes, in five hours or so…
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
Perhaps it’s a cruel joke that we usually only appreciate people after they are gone or after the time has passed.
I had a friend die in high school from a diabetic coma and that was quite the wake up call. You never really know what’s going to happen, do you?
I suppose my biggest problem is knowing how to express I’m thankful to people in my life. What can I possibly say that could express my gratitude to people who have made me who I am today?
The other thing I’ve learned is to not be angry at those who have treated me badly in the past. I’m not going to thank them, but they taught me something about people and life as well.
Also, I’m no longer going by “fourclover” anymore. Just my name
Allison W.
Allison White’s last blog post..Bias coverage of the Olympic protests – good or bad?
Oh for christ’s sake. I just wrote for 20 minutes. It was brilliant. It was touching. I fucking close the browser window before hitting submit.
Cliffnotes version:
I was raised without hugs and kisses. We never said we loved each other. I stopped hugging and kissing my teen when she was about 8. I know I’ll do the same with my toddler. Touch is uncomfortable. Saying “I love you” is uncomfortable. My mum’s going to die and I won’t have the guts to tell her I care.
So there you go. Learn to express love. Or you’ll never be able to.
…*stalks off, muttering about stupid browser windows…*
Aw James, if it’s any consolation, your cliffnotes version is still touching
@ RLD – Well, one good thing came of it – ain’t no one ever cried over Cliffnotes, hm? lol
My mother doesn’t have any trouble expressing affection (all hugs & kisses). My father is more of a “traditional 50’s dad” in that respect. The last two times he’s hugged me were in 2001, when our daughter passed away (our first son’s twin), and in 1985 when he was in hospital after losing his left arm in the motorcycle accident.
I sort of understand how that feels.
I decided not to continue this with my kids, to the point that sometimes they’ll tell me to *stop* hugging & kissing them…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..on being grounded.
More hugs all around. More tissues all around. James, recreate the real version, please. Though the Cliff Notes got me anyway.
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Tax Tips
Good post Harry. It’s so true about family and friends, we need to let them know in words and in actions about how much we appreciate them. Ten years ago, both my parents died. It’s a story for another time…..but needless to say, my siblings and I are closer than we’ve ever been as a result because we only have each other. Emailing is great for this as we are spread across Ontario. Visits when time and weather permits are great too.
Life is too short and goes by too fast. Why waste time being angry or not forgiving someone?
Jenny Burr’s last blog post..Conversation Stopper
@James,
I can relate to how you feel, because I struggle with the same numbness that you’ve just described.
As a friend, and because you would do the same to me, I must pull no punches.
Yes, it is *uncomfortable* to take action. It is *uncomfortable* to do what we were neither taught to do, nor receive.
But you must decide it is *intolerable* to let being *uncomfortable* stand n your way of breaking the pattern.
You have an opportunity in front of you. I envy you.
At the age of 9, my parents were getting divorced and I blamed her. I had already become numb to showing affection. The last thing I told my mother was “I don’t want to see you again.” I walked away, without even a token hug.
There’s a reason they tell you to be careful what you ask for. Only a few months later, a bullet ended her life. She died almost instantly, bleeding out in her 12 year old daughter’s arms. Her own mother was there to watch, in disbelief. And for my family, things only got worse from there.
Part of me is angry, because you’re willing to let fear prevent you from doing something I would trade anything I have for; a chance to express how I really feel, before it’s too late, while it could still be meaningful, and healing, and worthwhile.
Part of me isn’t angry at all, because I know how it feels to be afraid – we call it uncomfortable, but there’s fear there. Decades later, I’ve still only begun to let that ice in my heart thaw. But only recently, because I’ve been too *uncomfortable* to make it a priority. Frankly, and because I don’t think it fair for me to take the high ground, I have to admit that avoiding getting past this may cost me my marriage in the next few months.
James, do something about it. Don’t let this be a legacy you pass on to your children. I’m fighting hard right now to break my own chain, and for some of my relationships, it’s likely too late. But I’m fighting for my kids. They deserve it. So do yours.
I thought about sending this in an email, but if this kicks just one person’s ass to take action, then it’s worth it. I said earlier that I appreciate people, and that I make it a point to tell them, and that I don’t wait until it’s too late.
And why do I do that? Because that one time, the time when it could have mattered, I WAS too fucking late. I wonder what my sister saw in her mother’s eyes as the life left them. Was it the thought, “At least I know *this* one loves me?” Though the knife in my chest turns daily, the blade does not grow dull.
I loved my mother. I just didn’t have the courage to tell her, I let my baggage get in the way, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. The only thing that helps me cope is the thought that I won’t let that happen to anyone else I care about. I will tell them. Even if I score a zero on the “emotionally available” scale, I will still make sure the words come out.
James, you pull no punches with me. Ever. I must do the same for you.
I said earlier that people can be taken without warning, and now you know from where I draw that.
Do this. Don’t settle. Make inaction intolerable. Go ahead and get as uncomfortable as it takes. Push yourself.
These are things you do on a daily basis, in every area of your life and you know it.
Show your children how it’s done.
She’s waiting.
Now.
This seems to be the place for these stories today . . .
I’ve been broke for the last week. By ‘broke’, we mean that I deposited a $600 check and was still overdrawn. I have money coming in from a few sources but the mail forwarding is taking a long time . . . one client very kindly offered to FedEx a check to get here Friday.
Trouble is, I’m due in New York tomorrow. I bought the flight with a credit card I swore up and down I’d never use again. And I had no one to drive me to the airport in the morning. The shuttle costs $10, cash.
And I didn’t have $10 in cash.
There is a desperately lonely moment, there, when you realize you are in a new place, free, yes, but utterly alone, and there is no one dear enough to you to bring you twenty bucks or drive you to the airport.
My dear friend Tess called. She just deposited several hundred dollars into my bank account, so that my overdraw was covered and I could take out some cash for tomorrow. She did this without once asking for the money back. All she said was, “How much do you need?” She left work early to get to the bank before it closed.
This isn’t exactly unusual for us. Direct money transactions are, but we’ve both driven miles and miles to go hold the other, we’ve missed important meetings to carry on phone conversations in desperate moments. So I thanked her, grateful because she’s my Tess, because I have someone like this, because it’s a never-closing circle, the trust and the faith and the love.
She said, “Of course, honey. You know all I want is for you to be happy.”
My father just said that exact same thing, yesterday. My father’s like you, James. He’s not much for physical affection, never has been. It just doesn’t come naturally. I have never once in my life doubted that he loved me. I’m sure your daughter doesn’t, either. Tell her why. I know why my father isn’t at ease with it. Tell her why. It will make all the difference in that fear. She’ll remember. She won’t let it hold her back.
I should like to blame it all on this forum that I just spent the last hour or so weeping happily to myself in my kitchen.
Tei’s last blog post..Welcome IttyBiz Peeps!
James, please go hug your children now. And your mother. For all of us. I know how uncomfortable it can be… I went through a silly teenage phase of “I hate you, you’re an idiot!” with my dad, and only now have I started to hug him again. It was very uncomfortable at first, and still is a little, but it gets better with time. Even if your children do ever go through silly phases like I did, they still want to know you love them and care about them, and a hug is a great way to do it. It’s never to late to change…
Dave… I have been sitting here for the last twenty minutes in silence, thinking about what you said. I’m crying, again. You’ve moved me, saddened me, and really made me think about how my relationships are doing. Like I said to James, I’m glad that I have begun to hug my dad again, but even more so because he has prostate cancer a couple of years ago, and I could have lost him without really showing him that I love him. I know I’ll have a huge hug and a kiss for my boyfriend when he comes home tonight…
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
Tei, for anyone to have a friend like how you have Tess… you are truly blessed.
Jinx.
Allison’s last blog post..It’s Your Time To Shine!
Jinx back, crying buddy.
Tei’s last blog post..Welcome IttyBiz Peeps!
@Everyone: Boy, did this topic ever generate some deep responses. What amazes me the most is that so many of you (myself included) were willing to bare some pretty personal feelings and events.
Stuff like this is good for the soul, though. A good cry never hurt anyone, and I can guarantee you’ll feel better afterwards. Sometimes you just have to let the emotion out, you know?
Today’s comments just go to show that yeah, we screw around here a lot, we get off track and make in-boxes overflow with nonsense on occasion (ok, on a regular basis), but in the end, what we write gets people thinking.
Thanks again, you guys are the best.
Harry,
Thanks for this profound reminder. I’m happy that I took the time to tell and show my mom I loved and appreciated her when she was alive.
On a similar note, last fall 30 friends and I met up in our hometown to pay tribute to and start a college scholarship in honor of the couple who created our youth group 50 years ago at our hometown church. They were like our second parents. We all owe so much to them that we wanted to show them in a big way while they are still alive to enjoy it.
It was a wonderful weekend-long celebration of parties, brunches, worshipping together and culminating at a party where we sang a tribute we put together to the tune of “Wind Beneath My Wings.” We filmed the entire weekend so that they and we could revisit that memorable weekend whenever we want.
I wish more people would take time to thank the people who made a big difference in their lives.
Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.’s last blog post..Where Do You Draw the Line on Jobs?
Harry, I can offer no words that would express what your words made me feel so I simply offer “thank you.” You are a really good guy who in a short period of time has really touched my life. Feel free to be introspective anytime. Beautiful. (Not crying, there’s dust in my eye!)
Wow. After an overwhelmingly busy day that’s not even close to over (and looks to be stretching well into the wee hours of the night), I see that MwP is having a tearfest. And now how can I go back to writing about trite subjects and dealing with difficult clients and technical issues when all I want to do is sit here and sob into my keyboard for a few hours.
@Allison, your dad sounds a lot like mine. He’s not a big hugger but I know without a doubt how much he loves me. I also understand why he is that way and I accept it. Actually, I only really noticed it a few years ago.
People around the world and even people who live in the same house have such different ways of expressing their feelings. If you love someone you can tell them or you can show them. There are many ways to do that. It’s great to get hugs and kisses. It’s great to hear “I love you.” It’s great to realize through the actions of others that they care for you deeply. As long as people find some way to communicate their love, however they feel most comfortable doing that, I think that is what really matters in the end. Just to know that you’re loved and to find a way to make sure others know you love them.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Jeff Buckley: Grace (Album)
@Karen: You’re welcome. *offers her a hankie to wipe the dust from her eye* It was a bit windy here today, I understand.
@Melissa: Ah, now you have a challenge to write something to lift our spirits! I dare you.
Harry,
Sometimes I get chills thinking about the power of blogging and creating instant community. With a post like this, you bared a little bit of your soul, got very personal, and put it out there for your friends AND complete strangers. And the phenomenal comments show the resonance it has. Kudos for that.
I was also saddened to hear about Dan Savage. I read his column every week, and in the midst of his highly entertaining sex advice, political satire and general snark, he is also often heartfelt and painfully genuine. All who haven’t should read him.
As for myself – I especially feel a bit emotionally raw the last couple days. My baby brother and his wife just had their first child, the first grandchild for my parents, and my first nephew. It’s enough to make a girl who hates crying well up. What’s amazing about it is it’s brought my divorced parents together after acrimonious relations. It’s enough to make us all look past the day to day and express our true appreciation and love for each other.
Well done, Harry.
QuietRebelWriter’s last blog post..The Group Scene: Book Writers, Workshops, and Weirdness
@Harry, You can bet I will do that, although when is the question since time has become a nonentity in my life. This seems to be a rather emotional week. Maybe today is the peak. The peak of the week — complete with tissues.
For me to write something deeply sentimental will mean I have to kick down a few of my writers’ walls. I mean, I write sentimental stuff quite a lot, but I never publish it. I’m a closet crybaby. Well, breaking down walls is why I started blogging in the first place so you’re on.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Jeff Buckley: Grace (Album)
Harry, thank you for this!
I make a habit of telling the people in my life that they are important to me and much appreciated and really enjoyed this post. So much so, that I kept marking the RSS feed for it as ‘unread’ so i would remember to call over and thank you for it!
Inpsired by the lovely Darren Rowse, I am doing it today …
Sending much appreciation to you and James for your great advice and for so generously sharing it with us all!
Dianne Murphy-Rodgers’s last blog post..Write here!
Wow @everyone. When this group gets down to it, you really pack a whollop. I was doing fine until James’ Cliffsnotes stabbed me in the gut and Dave twisted it in so succinctly.
I have such a hard time letting anyone, besides those closest to me, know how I feel. In my mind I know I have to try harder or one day it’s going to simply be too late, but damn… it like a HUGE SOLID wall. Of course I have to try. All your stories and comments make that very clear.
@James That may not have been the most beautiful writing you’ve done, but it was truly honest, and sometimes that counts for a whole lot more.
So thank you Harry for posting, and thank everyone else for sharing, but particular thanks you to James and Dave for making me feel it. I needed that. (Can I hug you guys?)
parents really should be thanked of because of their unconditional love without them we are nothing.. so as early as now tell them that you love them before its too late..
@Malou: Oh, no worries there. Just yesterday I called my dad and told him what a great guy he is just because he was on my mind. He was totally floored, but in a good way