I’d like you all to imagine a Jedi hand-wave right now, because that title doesn’t work nearly so well without it.
There is no ebook. There has never been an ebook. We never referred to it obliquely a few weeks back. We haven’t been keeping it under wraps. We haven’t even subtly slipped it into place in our store without you being aware of it.
We did try to tell you there was nothing to this vicious rumor of a new, updated, expanded and generally awesome upgraded version of Write for the Web, your guide to becoming a freelance writer on the Internet.
After all, we wrote Write for the Web years ago. We have learned nothing since then. Nothing! And we’re certainly not sharing it with you.
It’s all lies, we tell you. Vicious lies. We heard the rumors, too. We heard gossip about all kinds of amazing things in this fantastic second edition release of the Write for the Web ebook, like:
• 85+ pages of brand-new, fresh, never-before-read-by-human-eyes (we don’t count James) content, all of it designed to help you become the biggest, baddest web writer the Internet ever did see.
• Extraordinarily valuable business resources (called Woots, no less!) by the score so you get an additional boost on your road to web writing superstardom
• Common Sense Tips – dozens of them! – to help you avoid the pitfalls we narrowly avoided when we were young and new.
• A huge section purely devoted to running your writing business, from getting the processes in place to help you make the best use of your time to finding an accountant who will help you make sense of your new tax forms.
• An even HUGER section on how to handle your clients, including how to write a proposal that gets accepted, how to give the perfect quote, how to nail that first draft, and how to handle clients that are straight-up jerks.
• Lots of ways to get you off your ass and into your new career as a web writer. No excuses. Starting right now.
None of this is in the ebook. We have no idea what you’re talking about. And what ebook, anyway? There is no ebook. I thought we covered this already. It is not in our store or available for sale as of today.
Look, here’s the thing. If you want to be a successful web writer, there’s no way anyone is going to just GIVE you the step-by-step formula to get there. (Ignore that pretty picture on the right.) No one is going to hold your hand. No one is going to go through all the skills and tools you need to set up the business. No one is going to tell you:
• What you need (and what you really don’t) to start a web writing business.
• The skills you never knew you had that absolve you of the need for prior web writing experience.
• How to land your first client, even if you’ve never written anything for the web before.
• How to land the next client. And the next one. And the hundreds of clients after that.
• How to get paid what you’re worth for every single project you write.
• How to read your client’s mind and get the voice for their assignment pitch perfect, first time out of the gate
• How to navigate the scams out there to find the legitimate job resources – and how to keep more money in your pocket.
That’s just too good to be true. Which is why it isn’t true, okay? No ebook is going to give you all of that.
Oh. And I don’t care what you’ve heard – there is no, absolutely no, extra-special-ridiculously-cool-super-satisfying BONUS section for every writer who has ever harbored a love for the written word in this release of Write for the Web.
Seriously, folks. Nothing to see here. Not even on this page right here. Don’t bother looking. Just go about your normal lives. Carry on, now.
P.S. It’s certainly not available for only $24. Come on, seriously. $24? For all that? That’s less than what James pays for his weekly pizza take-out. Crazy. Who comes UP with this stuff?
P.P.S. It’s most certainly not available at one single price for life without fear of it ever being jacked three times higher when you weren’t looking. Yeah, right.
P.P.P.S. It’s certainly not coming with a no-risk, money-back, no questions asked 100% satisfaction guarantee attached to it. Satisfaction is never guaranteed, folks, no matter what the woman told you.