7 Deadly Fears of Writing Explored: Rejection

This post is part of a 7-article series on the fears of writing. You can find all other articles here:

• Inadequacy
• Success
• Exposing Yourself
• Only One Book
• Too Old to Write
• Fear of Research

While I was sitting at my desk thinking about what I would write on rejection, after reading Your Writing Coach by Jurgen Wolff… lo and behold, a client sent me an email and rejected my work (asked for a revision is the PC term).

I admit that I wasn’t too thrilled with the design I had sent him. It wasn’t bad…but it wasn’t good, either. It was just one of those projects where I spent a lot of time trying to outguess a client who has a tendency to be vague to begin with.

The last project I’d done for him was bang on. I thought I had the client’s tastes figured out. Alas, I didn’t. Despite the anticipation of rejection, the blow to the ego was no softer.

Instead of my usual personal tirade, I sat back, took a deep breath and kindly thanked the client.

Yes, that’s right: I thanked him for the rejection.

He’d emailed me vague criticism. “I don’t like it. Try again.” I politely requested he specify me what it was he didn’t like about the design. I told him that knowing what isn’t working for him is as much of a help as knowing what is great.

I was very proud of myself for handling the rejection with the utmost grace and dignity. I didn’t feel stressed out, upset, or angry, or hurt. I felt just fine. It was business as usual.

When the client emailed me the details of his preferences, the list didn’t seem so harsh or critical. He provided me with a long list of what he didn’t like, but that was cool. I was ready for that list and had an open mind.

Hey, I’m learning. So can you:

1. Don’t take rejection personally. As writers and artists, our work is very personal. We draw on events and experiences from deep in our souls and bare them to the world. It’s hard not to take criticism to heart. I’m guilty of often saying, “What’s wrong with this? Can’t the client see this is beautiful?” Detach yourself and realize the criticism has nothing to do with your skills or abilities – unless you really can’t do the job at all.
2. Rejection is like death and taxes: It’s unavoidable. Eventually, it’s going to happen to you. When I first started riding a motorcycle, my friend Pete told me there are two types of riders: those who have dropped their bikes and those who were going to drop their bikes. When you drop that proverbial bike (or fall off the horse), get your ass back up on it.
3. …but you don’t have to get back in the saddle right away. It’s okay to wallow for a little bit if you have to or walk away from the situation to cool down. After you’ve distanced yourself from the issue, it doesn’t seem so bad when you come back for a second look. Don’t let it go for too long, though. Giving yourself time doesn’t mean avoiding dealing with a situation.
4. Ask for clarification and specifics. Open up the lines of communication. Try to see the issues from the other person’s point of view. There are always two sides to every story. Listen calmly and try to keep your emotions out of it.
5. Hiding your writing, art or other projects so no one will ever see your work because you fear rejection and think no one will like it is counter productive. Get your work out there, let people see it, and ask them for feedback. Without feedback, you’ll never improve.

Bo Bennet said it best.

“It is not rejection itself that people fear; it is the possible consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept those consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself.”