The Urban Myth of Confidence

The Urban Myth of Confidence

My friend Tim Brownson victoriously and proudly holds credit for being the first person ever to crack the James-gender code (and live to tell about it). Not a guess, not a hunch, not a niggling suspicion.

A full-blown, firmly-declared, confident statement uttered with absolute certainty.

Which is why I found the conversation he and Dick Carlson shared with me on Twitter funny as hell.

Tim wrote: “I dream of posting on Men with Pens. To me, that’s like Tony Robbins sobbing down the phone begging me to coach him.”

And Dick wrote: “You too? I’m blushing with pride when my little COMMENTS aren’t deleted or edited. A POST OF MY OWN?”

And I grinned and wrote, “Y’all are wieners. Just do it. Face the fear! Do it anyways!”

Within less than six hours, two guest posts landed on my virtual desk. Here’s one of them; please welcome Tim.

There are plenty of urban myths about the self-development industry floating around cyberspace, and maybe you’ve stumbled on one of them.

There’s the “we only use 10% of our brain” belief, which is often propagated to support the Law of Attraction even though this belief was proved untrue over half a century ago.

Then there’s the belief that it takes the same amount of energy to think a positive thought as it does a negative one, which is completely untrue for anyone used to spending the majority of their time thinking negatively.

And let’s not forget the beloved “it takes 30 days to form a habit,” which is so far off the mark that a blind drunkard in an archery competition would have wept with shame if he’d missed so badly.

However, there is one myth rarely mentioned, even though it may be more harmful and hold more people back than all of the above myths combined:

It’s the myth of confidence. Or rather, that people don’t have enough confidence.

I regularly hear clients tell me they need to achieve something once (or even many times) to feel confident about replicating the same behavior successfully. I have others who contact me expressing a desire to set up their own business, if only they had the confidence. And I have plenty who ask if I can help them become a more confident person.

I don’t know you, but I do know certain things about you. One is that you’re already a confident person. I really don’t care what you think, and I don’t care how much you protest to the contrary, because you’re wrong, and I’m right.

That’s a fairly confident – even arrogant! – statement to make, as it’s hardly conventional wisdom. So let me try and retain a shred of credibility while I help you understand that you don’t lack confidence.

You have all the confidence you need.

About six months ago I was having a conversation in my office with a face-to-face client. She insisted that she was being held back in life because she had no confidence whatsoever.

I sat back in my chair and nodded sagely. Then I announced the news:

“That’s not true at all.”

My client just stared blankly at me for a moment, as though she didn’t quite comprehend what I’d said. Then she reeled off a litany of reasons why I was wrong and why she indeed did have close-to-zero confidence.

After she’d finished, I looked at her quizzically and said, “Are you sure that’s all true?”

“Absolutely,” she responded. “And there’s more than that if you want to hear.”

“I dunno,” I pushed. “I’m not at all convinced that’s correct.”

My client looked confused, but then she gathered her composure and continued. “Of course it’s correct. Do you think I’m making all this up?”

“Possibly I guess,” I shrugged. “Stranger things have happened. Are you are 100% sure?”

She glared at me and bit her lip. I could tell she was losing her patience and was possibly on the verge of leaving.

“So you’re confident you’re correct then?” I ventured.

She nodded her head and was about to answer… and then she laughed.

I won’t go into the rest of the conversation other than to say this: A woman who complained of having zero confidence had just told a life coach she had spent several hundred dollars hiring that he was absolutely, completely, unequivocally wrong.

You don’t do that without being confident. In your position and (more importantly) yourself.

When somebody says they have no confidence, what they really mean is they can’t summon up the confidence they’d like at that particular time for that particular task.

You may think it’s merely semantics, but the situation is far from it – it’s crucially important.

People don’t look for what they think they don’t have.

So if you’re a writer, you may think you need to be published before you can feel confident about your abilities. You’re wrong.

If you own your own business, you may think you need to make a certain amount of money to feel confident you know what you’re doing. You’re wrong.

And if you’re sending a guest post to Men With Pens, you may feel like James has to say yes for you to feel good about what you have written.

You’re wrong.

As I type this, I have genuinely no idea if James will accept this post. However, I’m confident enough that it offers value and I think it should be.

If I get knocked back though, it’ll have zero effect on my confidence in my ability to write interesting and informative posts. Sure, James may think my post doesn’t work for the Men with Pens audience, but seriously, so what?

That doesn’t tell me anything about “me”. It just tells me James didn’t like some random post I happened to have written.

Now that you know you have all the confidence you’ll ever need, use that knowledge to tap into confidence more easily. How? You go internal versus external.

The former means you take control of your confidence levels. The latter means you hand your confidence levels over to other people for validation. That doesn’t seem very sensible to me.

Here are a few ways you can tap into your inherent confidence:

  • You can use the Fake It Till You Make It approach (sometimes called the Act As If frame). It’s been proven beyond doubt by the latest brain research to speed up anyone’s ability to learn – check out books like The Brain That Changes Itself and Your Brain At Work.
  • You can look for examples of when you successfully demonstrated confidence and try to replicate your thinking processes and behaviors.
  • You can set up conditioned responses (often called anchors) to help you tap into your confidence in an instant.
  • You can shift the way you think about confidence so that you no longer see it as reserved for the super-successful, but something you have in spades.

Oh, and of course you can work on your skills, especially if they’re objective and can be easily measured. Doing so can, without any shadow of a doubt, help you tap into the confidence you have.

And you’ll magically create what already exists within you.

About the Author: Tim Brownson is a Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and author from England now living in Orlando, Florida. He’s currently involved in a huge project to give away 1,000,000 copies of the book he co-authored, How To Be Rich and Happy.

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  1. Love this post Tim – any coach who has the confidence to tell a client that they’re wrong is a good one, in my book. 😉

  2. Really excellent post!

    I think you hit it with “You can shift the way you think about confidence.” How we choose to think about something will always make it easy to “be” confident or instead “run screaming from anything with a pulse confident”.

    Having once exhibited zero confidence years ago, I asked meself, how would I have responded to the above during those dark times? I probably would have shut off my hearing because the message would have threatened my pre-conceived notions about myself (and changing that would have been scary beyond belief).

    For me, it’s all a question of giving oneself permission to dare to think differently that what made one feel very comfortable in the past. It’s great when it happens but can take a loong time to achieve.

    • I’ve had two huge shifts in thinking that happened very suddenly, both this year, and both with fantastic results.

      In the first, I had supper with Taylor one night at Moishes, the most elite steakhouse in Montreal. (Which was fantabulous, btw.) I’d gone in feeling uncomfortable and out of my league, and thanks to a few very specific events that happened during our meal, I walked out of there feeling like I owned the place. Major shift in thinking.

      In the second, I got jammed up with some ultra-specific mentality about writing blog posts and struggled like a demon to write them for some months. Just blog posts. Nothing else. I can’t quite pinpoint the day or the actual event that flipped my brain in a 180, but I’m back to writing blog posts as easily as I breathe.

      Fun times.

      You are what you think you are, you can do what you think you can do. And if you can’t, you have everything in you that you need to make it happen.

      • Happy to hear that we were the venue for one of your huge shifts. From the guy that actually owns the place.

        • Now that’s cool. Thanks for dropping by, Lenny, and thanks also for the very fantastic night we had.

          You’ll probably not recall, as you have plenty of people passing through all the time, but I won’t forget closing the place, nor that you surprised us on the way out with a spontaneous drink, a conversation, a handshake and making us feel like we were royalty.

          (Which I’m sure I must be, somewhere down the lines of my lineage.)

    • I can take a long time. I t can also shift in an instance. If you think it will take long though it probably will!

  3. This is not only about confidence, I think it gets to the heart of what we all define as success and personal fulfilment. We don’t have to cross off items from a bucket list or achieve extraordinary goals to find satisfaction and happiness in life.

    We are constantly made to feel inadequate so that we will continue to consume. “Buy this car to make you manly.” Wear this perfume to make you sexy.” “Buy this eBook to make you rich and famous.” The implication is that we are not good enough now.

    Personal happiness and confidence are directly related. Knowing that we did the best we could regardless of the outcome is the source of both confidence and personal satisfaction.

    Great Post!

    • Good examples. It’s really important to remember that someone else’s definition of fame, success, wealth, sexy, rich, happy, etc, isn’t ours. We all have specific definitions of subjective states, and each is unique to us. Even people who share similar definitions still have bits and pieces that are different from ours.

      Heh. Kind of funky to know that there are exactly as many separate definitions to a single word like “success” as there are living, breathing, thinking people in the world.

    • Thanks John and I’d change one teeny-tiny thing. We aren’t ‘made’ to feel inadequate, we ‘allow’ others and the media to do that to us. We all do it to a greater or lesser extent though

  4. The self-development industry has its myths and even myths about myths I find.

    But to get back to the main point being made here. I’m not a very confident person at all, and I’m not sure I like being told I have all the confidence I need. Not because I cherish my poor confidence levels and the comfort zone I’m in (well not entirely), but because, to me, low confidence is very real and I need that to be acknowledged. However, I do understand that there is something I can do about my confidence levels. I can change the situation.

    So i suppose it is down to semantics to an extent. You’re telling me and others that we can gain confidence by changing our thinking/behaviour, but you’re putting it in a direct, no-nonsense way. Perhaps I’m too English to fully appreciate the approach 🙂 Either that or I’m too much of a navel gazer.

    One thing is for sure though: I would never say I have zero confidence. If I ever did start making statements like this, I think a kick up the bum might be appropriate. None of us is completely lacking in confidence are we?

    • I think we Brits do respond badly to the self-help industry. We need NLP tailored to out own rather suspicious and cyncial view of life – which is what my friend did for a while but he has sadly given it up. I find that forcing myself to do the thing I am unconfident about a few times over takes the fear away.
      However I have a phone call to make about an unpaid invoice and I have been putting it off for a month – can anyone help me to just do it?

      • Yes. Pick up the phone before you can change your mind and just DO IT.

        That step will be the hardest until you hear, “Hello,” on the other end. Everything else that happens from there is probably going to be so far off what you imagined and actually a lot easier than you imagined that after you’re done you’ll wonder why you waited so long.

        Even if it turns out unpleasant, I bet $100 it won’t be what you think it was – and it WILL be something you can handle. You’re strong and tough, and I know this personally. So do it. 🙂

      • Dee and Lucy, well that’s another urban myth you have got yourself into.

        Firstly as I’m sure you know I’m English.

        Secondly, I have more English clients pro rata than US clients even though I live in the US.

        Thirdly, there were (not sure if this is still the case) more coaches in the UK than the US, again pro rate.

        Fourthly NLP IS tailored to your needs, its open source and I hardly use any techniques straight out of the box

        Is that enough to move that ‘belief’ into doubt?

        Oh and Dee, the reason you don’t like being told is because you don’t want to accept it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    • I think I’ll let Tim answer this one more directly, but I can say that reality is what we state it is. That means if you state, “I’m not a confident person…” well, you create your reality. You won’t be a confident person, because you’ll live your beliefs. And even more, you’ll subconciously seek confirmation that your beliefs are true, filtering out opposing proof that you *are* a confident person and seeing *only* what confirms you aren’t.

      Kind of like writers who say, “I can’t write worth beans.” They’ve created their reality, and it’s true. They can’t write worth beans, because their mind will make SURE they can’t write worth beans.

      But if they one day start walking around FIRMLY saying, “I have everything in me to be a great writer…” They’ll create their reality. And probably become a great writer.

      Something to think about… 🙂

      • In the monthly meeting of our writer’s group, we all stand up and say, “I am a great writer” three times. Each time with more passion–it is a great warm-up exercise. Though hokey, it really does break the ice and we all tease each other about it in our casual conversations. It is a fun mantra with meaning!

      • Annie Stith says:

        Hey, James!

        I just had to stick my butt in here and tell you I think that’s the clearest, most to-the-point explanation of how we create and live what we believe I’ve ever read. And I read GIGANTUOUSOME amounts of stuff, so I’ve seen MANY people stumble over theIr own ideas trying to explain this!

        I’m copying it to my special Notepad where I keep all precious gems of wisdom I find while wandering the Web. Thanks!

        (And Tim, “coincidentally” — if one believes in coincidences, and I don’t — confidence is PRECISELY what I read late last night when I couldn’t sleep. And even THEN, I said to myself, “Self, I do believe that’s something we could use a little work on.” And my Self answered, “Yep, I do believe so.” THEN here it is in your guest post! Hmmm… might be something to look into, y’know?) 8P


  5. Hot damn, this post actually made me leave my reader and come over here and comment. Good stuff!

  6. I’m one of those “I have no confidence” kind of people. And yet, I can see myself facing off the expert with streams of evidence. What a great visual.

    Also liked the analogy: “And let’s not forget the beloved “it takes 30 days to form a habit,” which is so far off the mark that a blind drunkard in an archery competition would have wept with shame if he’d missed so badly.” I need a laugh this morning and that hit the bullseye.

    Thanks Tim. Hope you’ll share more myths on MwPs.

    • Mary, you certainly had me fooled about not being confident – here’s what you’ve done:

      1. You set your age and generational stereotypes aside and embraced the internet.
      2. You signed up for courses from very qualified and credible mentors to learn.
      3. You began commenting on rather large blogs and became a recognized, familiar face.
      4. You consistently write to A-listers as if they were regular people and even friends.
      5. You’ve developed those relationships and actually made friends with many of the elite.
      6. You’ve opened your own blog where you continually write about controversial topics easily.
      7. You’ve challenged governmental systems and societal stereotypes on your son’s behalf
      8. You’ve supported and defended other people who don’t have the ablity to do so for themselves
      9. You’ve encouraged people to try new things, develop new products or services and go for what they want.

      Not confident? Mary… As one of those people who calls you friend… you sure had me fooled.


  7. I love that story! I’ve spent too much time lately being confident that I’m not going to be the best choice in someone else’s eyes even though I’m equally confident of the value of my work and outlook and that it would be a good thing for them if they hired me. Of course, I wasn’t calling it being confident. I was calling it being realistic. It’s time to rethink that a bit in the light of this post.

  8. Wow what a great post! It is true that we feel insecure about our ability to do something and we somehow end up convincing ourselves that we lack confidence. You have done a really good job of highlighting how we can reframe how we think about confidence. I especially like the thought about the internal vs. the external “locus of control;” others should not dictate our confidence levels. Anyway, great eye opening post.

    • Thanks Denise. To be fair we almost all do it, it’s the levels that are important, when people don’t fulfill their potential because they tell themselves they aren’t good enough, or somebody else tells them that.

  9. That gave me a giggle, though I hesitated about commenting since I am without a pen until I saw other pen-less people(ie ladies) commenting too.
    I spend a lot of my working life basically blaguing it, pretending to be what I think I am expected to be( a teacher, a fluent speaker of French and German, a navigator, a beekeeper., a writer, a poet..I could go on) and you know what? I get away with it 99% of the time. The reason is that all of those things I actually am, except not to the standard(and a ludricously high one at that) I demand of myself.
    Sometimes confidence is about knowing one is not perfect but getting on with the job anyway and in doing so without catastrophe, you build both further skills improvement but also greater confidence.
    When things get tough and my confidence shatters, I disassociate myself from my observation of my performance and just get through.
    Thanks for this, Tim.

    • “Sometimes confidence is about knowing one is not perfect but getting on with the job anyway ”

      I like that, thanks Viv.

      • It’s how I face my different jobs. One job involves travelling around Europe(often to places I have never been to before) and acting as courier, tour guide and troubleshooter for groups of English school kids. I ended up doing it by accident, when I had to step in during an emergency, and have found that basically I CAN do it as long as I don’t let people undermine me. I did one trip this summer with a group where 3 out of the 4 supervising adults spoke much better French than me and it got to me rather more than I liked. That said, they knew little about our destinations and directions and many of the kids chose to come to me with problems instead of their teachers. I figure that if I were THAT fluent at French then I’d be in a job that used it more; I am paid to be jill of several trades not a mistress of merely one.
        I’ll never be perfect at anything but being myself and I sometimes think that is all any soul can aspire to.

  10. Loved this post and conversation. I haven’t commented on a blog in ages and had write. Whether we say we have confidence or we don’t, I don’t *see* different results in myself and in my clients. “Not Doing” (including “not listening”) gets one kind of result: More frustration and less insight, momentum, clarity, and freedom. “Doing” (I’ m not talking about busy-ness) gets another kind of result: An inner knowing of what we *can* do and the excitement, energy, ease that comes from being in motion and from challenging ourselves. There’s lots of research on the satisfaction and meaning that comes from doing things that stretch us.

    On a personal note, I agree with all the advice shared. I absolutely tell myself that the first word, the first step will be the hardest, and everything else will flow from there. And I use the lesson from David Allen and the GTD methodology: What’s the one small next action to take. For me it’s often a phone call. When I saying something out loud–and even practice that first word, sentence, approach–using the power of words, makes it all much smaller and something I can “manage.” We can burst our lack of confidence.

    Thanks again for the post, the story of the post, and the conversation.

    • Do you not think that people who think they can do something i.e. have confidence are more likely to succeed than those people that don’t Janet?

      I must confess, I do. Confidence doesn’t in any way guarantee success, but the lack of it often create hesitancy that results in not following through fully.

      When I used to play soccer they used to teach us that you were far more likely to break your leg trying to tackle somebody half-heartedly than if you went full bore. That was born out by the stats that the ‘hard men’ rarely used to pick up the bad injuries.

      That wont win an analogy competitions, but it’s kind of how I look at it.

      • Oy. So now I’m really going to have my confidence sag!… I agree, the tension might be largely semantic. In terms of the soccer analogy (I actually play soccer on a women’s 40+-50+ team!), I guess my “doing” comment was focusing on “being on the field.” Not waiting. Then you have the freedom to change, practice, learn, experiment, improve, get coached, get better, quit, or just break through. I’ve worked with both renowned and aspiring authors and leaders and have seen people with terrible confidence issues (perhaps in the that overlapping fear/anxiety place) keep at their amazing work and build their confidence–and clarity–muscles. I look forward to more of your wisdom. Rich stuff. Look forward to more of your wisdom. 🙂

  11. Great, meaningful advice, Tim. And I love that “are you confident that you have no confidence” approach. Truly a treasure. Thanks.

  12. Yup, it’s a Rockin’ post, allrightyroo!! Was fortunate enough to stumble upon Mens With Pens from an IttyBiz post & have been lurking & lovin’ it ever since! Just felt I had to add my two cents to this one…

    I was one of those Helpdesk people (hey, before you go making the “oh, yeah, the Helpless Desk people” jokes, to my credit, I was 3rd tier support, so there!) long, long ago….and when I trained new analysts, I always made sure they knew they had to sound confident, even if they were only saying something like “let me check on that for you.” My motto was always “if you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance, then baffle ’em with bullsh*t.”

    Now, I”m retired, and I confidently tell my husband where to go all the time (as we travel around the USA in our RV (caravan to my friends across the pond)). I am now known as the Navigoddess, and there are no fights with the Lady of the Dash (GPS) because I am so confident I just mute her!

    Thanks for a great post!

  13. Excellent post with excellent comments to boot.
    I think the discussion of self-confidence has to be accompanied by many other human conditions such as fear and procrastination to get to the root cause of a problem. It may be labeled as a self-confidence issue where in actuality it may be something altogether different or a combination of things. Diagnosing the problem is many times the hardest and most time consuming part of the whole process.

  14. I feel better already! Who knew I could get that from a man? (Just kidding) Very good post and so true. We dont even question our confidence when we are doing something we enjoy or are accustomed to but put us in a new place and we become sniveling, weak at the knees kids at a spelling bee. Hardest part of your “tricks” is trying to remember a time I felt confident and experience those feelings all over again…its been a while!

  15. Yes, I can.
    Why? Why not?
    Why me? Why not me?
    When? Now.

    • A cluwe to shift thinking on that even though it’s very cool.

      Dump the why and go for what or how.

      IOW, “Why can’t I do that” becomes “What stops me from doing that?” or “How can I do that?”

      Why forces us for look for reasons to defend our position. ‘What’ or ‘how’ forces us to look for solutions.

      • Hi, Tim – I hadn’t thought of it in precisely those terms, but it makes sense. Thank you! (No one has ever accused me of lacking confidence in anything. I’m like a 3 year old boy. 🙂

  16. That’s quite a bad-ass tactic. Well done. I’m sure it was quite an ah-ha moment for her.

    Reminds me of such a moment I had with my niece. She kept complaining about how bored she was. I said, “Perhaps YOU’RE boring.” Ah-ha. She never again complained about boredom.

  17. Confidence and self-esteem–or the supposed lack of them–become barriers between professionals and their clients. I tell my clients that, when it comes to business, their so-called confidence and self-esteem are irrelevant. What matters is the willingness to step up, step out, and serve.

  18. “She glared at me and bit her lip. I could tell she was losing her patience and was possibly on the verge of leaving.

    ‘So you’re confident you’re correct then?’ I ventured.

    She nodded her head and was about to answer… and then she laughed.”

    This totally sounds like a Bandler-twist, Tim. Have you read any of his books?

  19. This might reveal a little something about my age that this is immediately what popped to mind, but that “Fake it ’til You Make It” was my survival tactic for hormones, high school and bullies for most of my teen years. Somehow my juvenile self clued in that bullies and fear-monsters like to prey on the weak – so I kept my head high and pretended I was confident until it started to sink in and I really did become more confident in myself. (A little cocky too, but aren’t all teens?)

    It’s very easy to sink into a pessimistic attitude, especially when you’re stressed out. I think a lot of people end up mistaking stress and its symptoms as lack of confidence – when really, you’re just feeling a little worn down. You CAN do it – and you ALREADY have been doing it – you just need to let go of the stress-weight that’s bringing you down!

    …and yes, I think I’m really talking to myself there. Hehe.

    Love the article! And love how intelligent and thought-provoking all the comments were. Thanks Tim!

  20. Tim, freaking awesome this was man! Loved the story regarding your client…and love your straight-forward attitude here.

    I’m confident this was the best post I’ve read on a blog for quite some time 😉

    Look forward to you making this a more permanent behavior here at MWP….

  21. Annie Stith says:

    Hey, Tim!

    My confidence plays hide ‘n seek with me. The more private and Spiritual a mode I’m in, the more confident I feel. Unfortunately the reverse also comes into play: the more publIc and analytical I need to be, the less confidence I feel.

    Even I can see, reading those sentences, that it’s all about what I’m feeling, not my actual levels of skills, talent, abilities, gifts, education or experience. It’s more about what I manage to remember and how I feel about it.

    Slick stuff, Tim. 😉


    • There’s an entire post in this answer, but basically there is a training and a trusting mindset. You are in the trusting mindset when you are flowing, you just kind of know all is good.

      On other times you are inviting your unconscious mind to the party and it starts interfering. Tell it to piss off next time!

  22. This made me smile so much. I think that you’d get like this Tim, awww bless. 🙂

    I’m from the ‘fake it’s school of confidence. There are days when I feel totally out of my depth but I (usually!) just keep kicking until things get a little less scary.

    I also really appreciated the link back to James’ post about external and internal validation. It’s been something I’ve struggled with but am getting there.

    Thanks again,

  23. Well, here’s one for confidence. I was always confident that I’d get a promotion in my next appraisal. 5 appraisals(read years) have come and gone and guess what! I didn’t. I finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to get that promotion after all; and GUESS WHAT! I JUST DID!!

    • That’s like love, Eddie. People want it so bad and they look outwards for it, searching for that right girl or guy that’ll make them happy.

      Then they finally decide that they won’t find that person, so they’d better find a way to be happy without him or her.

      And boom. That someone shows up. Out of the blue. When you least expect it.

      The thing is, it’s moving that external need inwards – which increases our self confidence. We’d sure LIKE someone else in our life (or that job promotion!)… but it’s when we accept that we don’t NEED that person to get by that everything changes.

    • Eddie, you may want to relay that story to those that believe in the Law of Attraction mate.

      Then stand back and allow them to tell you why you were doing it all wrong 😉

  24. Just wanted to say a huge thanks to James for having me here and also for you good people for your interesting comments and kind words. Obviously I have the greatest readers, but I think this place may be a very close second 😉

  25. Absolutely loved this post. This is what I needed to hear today, so badly. I will be sharing this with another friend who is also embarking on a journey in her life, albeit slightly different one. She would bb thrilled. Many thanks .:)

  26. I’m late to the party again (but I’ve bought a bottle so it’s okay).

    I agree with you Tim – everyone has confidence, it’s just that they forget they have it. All that other stuff gets in the way and people feel that they need fresh evidence of “success” or an absence of fear in order to label themselves as confident. Not so.

    I always define confidence as being able to choose your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour. That’s trusting your behaviour, not the outcome of that behaviour – a big difference.

    I love what Viv said up there in the comments – “I’ll never be perfect at anything but being myself”. Don’t focus on the outcome, focus on the best you can do right now.

    • Sorry Steve but I just trademarked, copyrighted and patented “Confidence is trusting your behavior, not the outcome of that behavior”

      You can never use it again, it’s all mine now.

      And no, you can’t just slide a u into behavior and think it’s ok!

      • Look at you and your American spelling. You do realise this means you’re more than 50% American now, right?

        And luckily for me, there’s a sealed, dated envelope in my solicitor’s safe containing that quote. Phew. I am willing to license it to you though.

        • Steve, let him have it and remember the words of Irish poet WB Yeats;

          I MADE my song a coat
          Covered with embroideries
          Out of old mythologies
          From heel to throat;
          But the fools caught it, 5
          Wore it in the world’s eyes
          As though they’d wrought it.
          Song, let them take it
          For there’s more enterprise
          In walking naked.

  27. You know everyone has a certain amount of confidence, some more than others. But the thing about confidence is, it’s how you portray yourself.
    When you walk in to a room do you brighten it up, or do you darken it down ????

    The choice is yours, you can do which ever you want.

    One last taught for today, wheather you think you can or you think you can’t your usually right…..


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